One night,
Few words,
Years of trust just burst.
I trusted you,
you were my everything,
but I guess to you,
I didnt mean anything.
You say you miss me,
You made a mistake,
but you were the one to take,
away my hopes and dreams and trust,
and crush them into bits of dust.
I want to bring you back to me,
but pain in my heart is all I see,
coming at me like a train,
I just brace myself for visible pain.
Why didnt I stop it?
Why did I forgive?
You didnt deserve a second chance again.
I thought I loved you...
I cared to much,
about someone who was just a crush.
Now I hurt inside and out.
I send sad vives throughout,
that stupid town with that stupid boy,
for miles I destroy the joy.
And just beacause you hurt me this way,
now the whole world has to pay.
Author notes
Dweller of the Past
A contest entry
- Raven Song by Shya.
700 points, ended October 19, 2008, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Tales Of Loss by peregrin.
450 points, ended October 1, 2008, 38 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhyming Pre-Write Extravaganza 2 by piccola.
600 points, ended September 29, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love Poems/Heart Break/Wanting Love/Lost Love by gigglesalot.
900 points, ended January 12, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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i really liked this. thanks for entering =]
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this is a good poem. I like how you put you emotions into words. The reader can feel how you were hurt by this person. nice job!
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"I cared too much,
about someone who was just a crush."
I can relate to that so totally. I like some of the phrases you've written here, my favorite part being what I quoted above.
"that stupid town with that stupid boy"
You capture emotions well with your words... I like that
The only thing I would say is that the rhyming is not perfect, that is, it does not always flow perfectly. for example, lines 23 and 24 don't flow together perfectly, it seems like the latter is missing a syllable.
That's just my thoughts, though. Thanks for entering
Shya -
I agree with the previous commenter..Really nice poem..Just forget him and move on!!! *although you may not know me* hehe..
Great write!!
Can totally relate..been there rocked that!
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I think you should forget him and start over
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