She was a stunning little girl
With eyes as precious as a pearl,
Airborne hair like cotton
And a humble heart, not easily forgotten.
She was very strong. Yet not for long.
Soon everything started going wrong
As if a combined curse had been cast,
Eradicating her past with a blast.
She felt like an invincible crusader before,
Now she lay helpless, as shallow as the water on shore.
She knew everyone had fled like a bluebird with wings
But she didn’t blame them. Her own mistakes had ruined things.
And a pleading picture then snuck inside her mind;
Of an angel floating freely, not at all confined,
Among files of clouds and ribbons of peaceful smoke,
Happily straying with tranquil wings and a sheer light cloak.
How she longed to live so serenely, where life is paradise!
She couldn’t handle her blank life. Her mind was now a device:
Obsessed by a sole thing, an angel haunting her up in the skies.
And on the edge the girl went, with hands stuck out, craving the prize…
Author notes
SilentSadSinger
A contest entry
- Pic prompt ~ Pen me something beautiful by Riamh.
550 points, ended September 8, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Without Rules by reckless abandon.
900 points, ended September 6, 2008, 113 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Tears Ran Dry, Echoes Of Sadness (( Give Me Dark, Creepy, Sad, Cutting, Suicide, Ex.)) by HereComesTheSun.
550 points, ended September 14, 2008, 50 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Contest for rhyming poems... PW of Sept'08 allowed by Manoj Sanyal.
370 points, ended September 15, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me more! by ASmileForYou.
700 points, ended January 7, 69 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - NO MORE ENTRYS. by Ginger Woods.
700 points, ended January 1, 43 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make this THE largest Contest EVER on AP [enter, enter, enter!] by Symphony.
18000 points, ended April 28, 1011 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Surpise me by dying inside 4ever.
690 points, ended July 19, 74 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A call for good poems by Misunderstood-Teen.
800 points, ended August 26, 111 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think? Do you like it?
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Well done with the great poem, it was beautiful and flowed well, this poem has it's good points and it's bad points as Symphony pointed out, but other than that it was a really good write. Thank you for entering this poem into my contest
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this was beautiful. great job! BRAVO! keep up the good work and good luck in the contest.
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flows as it goes great job and good luc
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This is beautiful; I absolutely adored the last stanza... well done on a great write, my friend
Maria
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I liked parts of this, and then, being honest, I didn't like other parts of it - because I found that the rhymes were a little forced ;
Such as these parts;
"She was very strong. Yet not for long.
Soon everything started going wrong
As if a combined curse had been cast,
Eradicating her past with a blast."
If you read that verse aloud, it sounds very nursery-rhyme-esque, la-la-la, la-la-la, etc.
However, then you read a part of it like this section;
"Obsessed by a sole thing, an angel haunting her up in the skies.
And on the edge the girl went, with hands stuck out, craving the prize…"
Which I thought was fantastic!
thanks for entering
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Very nice! It is so sad though. I'm glad you entered it, you gave me what I asked for!
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Great poem! very sad.
I can see how the angel's life is so tempting. Lovely writing
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good story and well rhymed...
Best wishes and good luck,
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for me it didnt really do justice to the picture
BUT as a poem it was great a great well written piece -
This is a dark piece of writing. Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest.
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Very dark and deep. Best of luck in the contest.
Slayer -
wow a very deep and powerful take on the promt good luck in the contest
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I ment to give you clapies with my comment but seeing as i forgot to hit that button, im going to add them on this one =)
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I really luv your interpetation of the picture prompt. again your words have painted such a beautiful visual.
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Wow!
I love it! I love it a lot! Excellent job!!
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