In my mind a dream is waking.
Catch it, draw it into focus.
Memories of joy and aching--
In my mind a dream is waking.
Gems of truth laid bare for taking,
Budding forth like autumn crocus:
In my mind a dream is waking;
Catch it, draw it into focus
What is your favorite/least favorite part? How is the flow?
Comments
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OH MY WORD
this is a beautifuly construcyed piece
I love the line memories of joy and aching
nicely done
Thankyou
T
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The flow of this piece is perfect and i would suggest no changes as it reads beautifully the way it is. My favourite part of this poem is 'Gems of truth laid bare for taking' That really is very special and gets me thinking. I don't think i can give you a least favourite bit because to do that i would have to condemn the whole piece and this is a super delight in its simplicity. Thanks for sharing.
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Very Good
I like the story and the rhyme - this is well framed - keep on keeping on - Bless God = Joe - could it read - "in my mind a dream is walking;" veryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy good write - Joe
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a good poem, dreams flip colours in the mind, and we sometimes catch them yes, most often though they fly away.
right i am off to watch heroes lol
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This was just so darn cute and sweet!
I have never actually heard of a triolet so I was curious to read...
Normally I don't get into technical form but I ccannot wait to try a few of these! This was such a gem and so much fun!
I loved-
"Budding forth like autumn crocus:
In my mind a dream is waking;
Catch it, draw it into focus"
I wanna go do a pirouette!!! ; )
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nice
I loved this poem. Its short yet it leaves you feeling it is more. I just loved it. Keep writing...I want to hear more from you. -
wow
wow, I like your poem a lot, it left me speackless and if you knew me then you'd know that that is hard to do!
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I'm a dreamer so I really feel this one and this made me smile
The repitition works well here and the rhyming is seamless though might I suggest to take off
'In mind a dream is waking' on the middle part,
flows more well in terms of pattern with rhyme
just a suggestion
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It is a triolet; the repeated lines are placed as you see them in order to achieve the proper triolet form.
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the 4th line down I think should have "in MY mind" like the others. May have been a mistake, but I think it would flow better that way. other than that, I really really enjoyed this. The perfect length and so much insight. Really nicely done.
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Thanks! I fixed the omission!
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The repetition works out well and re-energizes my mind... This poem carries lot of postive energy... chase you dream is a simple message but once realized it will be no more a message, but life... You have done a brilliant job with just simple words...Thoughtful!
Love and regards
Kiddy -
wonderful!
This is done with such wisdom. You know what your talking about. Thank you for not putting a bunch of crap in a poem about dreams. so many people make that mistake. You made this true and to the point. i love it. Good write!
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excellent
Very nice write, without dreams, we have nothing to motivate us. Well said! -
A very nice, flowing poem. The repition works well in this. I really enjoyed the optimistic tone of the poem. It's a treat to find positive poetry among the masses of angst. Great job.
s and best wishes always... ~Genie~
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aww i love this. Its true. If you hold onto your dreams and try your hardest to make them happen, you have a goal in life. you have motivation do do your best to get as far as you can and to make that dream happen. If you let go of those dreams, then you lose yourself and you won't be happy with where you go. Dreams keep us happy. Well written. Good job
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This is so true. Most people let their dreams slip away and look back on them later in life to realize they had the opportunity to CARPE DIUM but did not. SO SIEZE THE DAY!
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This is delightful! The repeating line adds dept to the message. Well done!
Love,
Amera♥
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I don't have a favourite or least favourite part, it's a sweet, pleasant, freeflowing rhyme with an uplifting message. The parallel with the song Catch a Falling Star was startlingly similar but maybe the world needs more songs to be sung about dreams and not fantasies so I liked this and the song it reminded me of.
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dream/ falling star
Wow, you are right about "Catch a Falling Star." I didn't really notice it before. It must be subliminal...good thing I wasn't trying to publish this. Thanks for your comments!
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The repetition reminds me of a song 'Catch a falling star'. I think dreams are important messges from our innerselves, so I respond to your poem's message.
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Don't we wish we could?
I like the repeated line... it really had a nice touch to it. It was as if it was... ringing out... In your head...
Hm...
Good poem
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