You and I just don't compute,
ying has given yang the boot.
Oil and vinigar we used to be,
complimenting, you and me.
Our chemistry use to blend,
we imploded, its the end!
One and one and two divided,
argument became one sided.
Hot and cold makes luke warm,
no longer walking arm in arm.
Error in chemistry occurred ,
the test of time now deferred.
Shake the beaker, see it fizz,
you do not need to be a whiz.
Though opposites may attract,
mistakes are a matter of fact.
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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This is an easy, breezy rhyme with a melancholy message. Some things are just not meant to be. I think most of us have experienced relationships that started with a bang and ended with a sigh.
There are a few grammar mistakes (or perhaps typos) such as:
oil and VINEGAR we USED to be,
COMPLEMENTING, you and me
we imploded, IT'S the end!
lukewarm is one word
Both occurred and deferred have two "r".
You may wish to compose on a word processing program with spellcheck since the one on AllPoetry is less than helpful.
I loved the message and the rhythm and the theme of this poem was perfect. Thank you for your entry. Peace, Liz
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When I correct a fellow poet for a typos I use the imail. It is more courteous.
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I'm sorry because I obviously hurt your feelings. I always use IM for corrections unless I am the contest judge. In that case I think it is only fair to let a poet know what things may have prevented them from winning the contest. I guess because I am an English teacher I assumed this site was to make us all better poets. There is no need to leave the group. I will refrain from critizing your poems in the future. Peace, Liz
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I write from my heart and for myself, thats why I joined this site.
I thought it was just a group contest among friendly members to have fun. Thats why I joined the group, to have fun with titles. No hard feelings. Have a good day. Take care, Sandy
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Thanks for the comment. I did use spellcheck.
Compliment was right.
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Thank you
for the entry. I have made a decision not to read the comments to enable me to view each poem as if never read before, but I must admit that I cannot read rhyme without thinking of you. So here's to you a great thank you for this entry. The poem has a light touch to it, although sad in its consequences. Hope is 'placed' so neatly into the fibre of the last stanza - and this I like very much. As always, your rhyme is unforced, conveys a clear message, and no matter the gist of the poem, a delight to read. Be blessed.
Frans
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good job
really enjoyed this write
I think I understand it, at least I know what it says to me.
thanks for sharing
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Wow....you did a good job...after reading it three times I am still trying to figure the meaning out
But I do love it...It made me smile...well and think a lot
XXJeannette
btw...I seem to have lost my muse some weeks ago...
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I love how simple and basic you make your poetic concepts; I just got done trying to interpret one and I'm still not sure if I understood it. I think it was about abuse but it could have been erotic too.
This is a perfect break up end of relationship kind of poem. It doesn't have any over exaggerated strings attached kind of things its just a simple; we made a mistake so lets end it and good bye. I really liked it; but that goes with a lot of the stuff you write.
Love you!!!
Jordanne
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What a delightful poem of feelings. I enjoyed it. thank you for sharing.
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What a fantastic take on the prompt. Very clever way of saying goodbye. I like the part with the ying and yang. Gave me a chuckle. Maybe I should have paid a little more attention in science classes but I never could get that stuff....
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Thank You June
Your comment made me smile. Science was my worse class. Thank you for the great comment. You take care.Hugs asnd Smiles.
Bless You,
Sandy
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I like this -
it has that fuzz and pop feeling to it, but as they sometimes on AP say: "It's a deep write. Magnificently done!" Well this is exactly what I think of it - cliches included! Lovies. Frans
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Great Comment
Hello Frans, Always nice to read your comments. Have a beautiful day.
Blessings,
Sandy
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This is powerful, the right chemistry for the two blends to explode. Good to see this move for one compound to stand on its own. No fizz, sputter or flutter, simply factual separated by choice to whip up something new.
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Very Nice Comment
Good morning, I always love your comments. You always know my mind set dear friend. Thank you for the thoughtful and encouraging comment. Take care.
Blessings,
Sandy
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