Hereth come the passive sun
like a passover
a place called Eller-muns grave
and a monday when the sun was
'oh so mundane'
Stylus, hum the impress pun
as a hang-over
a feel, mulled: DEAD MANS RAVE
and there tuesday when the tune
spit oh so sane
Nearer dead the living loud
like a weather
a face: silver linin'g'uns cave
and a wednesday when the 'weap-
on' was 'so' shot down'
Freerer tonne the blacker sun
lie a blacker
a place patterned 'poor-mums pave'
land the Thursday when the pale were
ale to there-me(a)nt
"Abseeyss" - stun the lax'tive lung
light a stroker
a face called Ellers-son: Dave
and the Friday end the pale twas
hail to vail... went
VOILENT
come back passive one
light went darker
a life dulled alco'hand man: Eve
hand the Saturday send the white rose
sail the drink... went
Dio'let
home, heart, weaker spent
white, wrench, barker
branch, ban Sundays',end this bite curse
whale... the lips
SUNK
Author notes
This has 7 stanzas.. one tells a little story of each day and how it all goes on.. like the story of God making the world withing a week.. and day of rest be day of rest alright!
I've added abit of ye olde medieval beliefs, withing the sun talk!
I've added my own type of olde slanguage.. I like giving abit of unknown difference
I'm terrib' with metering and all the mathematical parting.
So, I'm not sure what you'll think!
but ta, for opening the good contest!
A contest entry
- Sixains by cricketjeff.
1450 points, ended September 7, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
GIVE ME YOUR TREASONS
Comments
-
This is a lovely poem, but unfortunately it doesn't meet the form requirements on the contest. Specifically the ababcc rhyming and the need for repeating meter. So I shall comment on it as a poem instead
There is some really strong imagery here and interesting word choices, I like your layout and the narrative pushes on well through each stanza and the whole.
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