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Tuesday afternoon and the Heaven's opened again

 

 

 

do you see the grey clouds

then you see me:

they aren't as greyblack as you think

their heavy duty thunder clapped insides

are just loud & brashly wrapped

 

do you hear the chinese whispers too

i do

i hear things about this

& that of what you want

and what you think

 

if you find yourself here -

amongst the odd socks,

holey knickers and holy candles

alit with famous flames

where there is faith in womanhood

in elastic dreams that pull me

and her together

 

see her, the familiar

her the friend

her, the inevitiable action

she has hair the colours of magpies

& swallows diving

eyes dart around leaving constellations

aghast at what night brings

 

do you ever wonder about clouds

and think that if you were a poet

you could write about their insides

the guts of them

how they must rumble with words

fighting to form moisture

a rush of rain

snap of lightning

the cummulus showering stanzas left to dance

alone 

 

with the grey clouds

always over our heads

we women

must pick up a pen

& write every last drop of rain

 

 

 

 




 

 

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 19 of 19

  • PrabhuDayal Khattar silver member
    October 5, 2008

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    Humm..what a link you have developed here between her and the nature through the wonderful bridge of your poetic words..I love it..well done...


  • Grunts Girl gold member
    September 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I finished reading this and I am in awe of you...
    just remember you never dance alone
    I loved the importance to all of this within such loving wisdom


  • Lucy.
    September 3, 2008

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    I believe you are a poet and you just did.


  • Kevin Moderators member
    September 3, 2008

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    the 'her' referneces confused me a bit (the goddess? a girlfriend?), but overall as beautifully deep as all your writes.

    'write about the insides of them' freaking brilliant.

    'what you think' / 'what you think' confusion was a bit lost on me. Perhaps a third time elsewhere to tie it in?


  • apples fell
    September 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    This is just filled with incredible soul. All the searching ideas throughout really bound this one nicely. The attention to details are mind boggling and somehow, euphoric almost. I should be asleep, but here I am awake...

    At first I found the use of "her" so much and so close off-putting, but now that I have really considered the piece and its placement, I think it works expressively and creates atmosphere. The third stanza is gorgeous. Your poetry is always so fresh and meaningful.

    This is no exception.

    Thanks so much for this excellent
    entry and good luck.

    ;


  • Nai Eltonfay
    September 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    An intrigueing writing


  • Nicolette gold member
    September 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Such a strong female voice here, Gilly... excellent poetry. Your words dance - beautifully. You should send me some of your clouds



    ~ Nicolette


  • Cannonsfire gold member
    September 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Well you wrote the insides out of this dear lady C


  • DogFish silver member
    September 2, 2008
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    I love great grey clouds...but my imagination has never flown so high with them!

  • Cat gold member
    September 2, 2008

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    i love where your poetry has run lately- strong, intense, imagery driven-

    i wonder if blood seems out of place and if the metaphor would be stronger with
    rain drop at the end?

    the cummulus showering stanzas.. god i love that.. so much to love in this piece

    m


  • misselaineous
    September 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply


  • pangur ban
    September 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Synchronicity and sisterhood on a rainy afternoon... I should like to dance under your rain clouds, play in the rain and splash about in the puddles. Such a pity yours are across the pond. This is lovely poem Gill. Glad I stopped by to read.

    Kindest regards,
    Helen

  • Suzanne Dia
    September 2, 2008
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    I want to live in your clouds.


  • tara wilson gold member
    September 2, 2008

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    this is excellent...the last stanza finishes with a sigh...I love this, Gill..


  • poeticweaver gold member
    September 2, 2008

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    Amazing Imagery Here,

    A well weaved together piece you have created my friend!
    Thanks so much for sharing this wonder of words.
    All the best to you in this contest, you this!

    Peace, Timothy


  • ca ne fait rien
    September 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I think the insides of clouds are probably full of rainbows like spiders webs.


  • iverbthenoun
    September 2, 2008
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  • Rowan gold member
    September 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "and think that if you were a poet

    you could write about their insides

    the guts of them"

    ummm, methinks you just did, hon.
    And better than most.


  • The Bear
    September 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    We play out all morning in the sun with Charlie and now he has gone home again your clouds come here over the Pennines.
    I do not know about the women, but the clouds unleash their load now just as I must go out on Stef's bicycle.

    Boooom Crasshhh

1 - 19 of 19