A lifetime of emotions
in the lines of my face.
The tale of a broken heart
fallen from loves grace.
An open wound that bleeds
from the depths of my soul.
Cries for the perfect love
to heal and make me whole.
Cold and embittered
the winter of my heart.
Cupids little arrows
have torn me apart.
His aim wasn't true
he’s never hit the mark.
For him to hit the target
would really be a lark.
A portrait of perfect love
hangs up on the wall.
Memories of our youth
before the tragic fall.
Embitter at the closure
of a love so torn apart.
Afraid to trust another
And open up my heart.
Lonely is this time of grief
that I have lived alone.
The agony of another day
in an empty broken home.
To see you again is pain.
More than I could bear.
From the death of our love
the stench still fills the air!
Author notes
http://mrmotts.deviantart.com/art/Cupid-s-Demise-Silence-29198539
In a list
A contest entry
- Give me your break-up poems by trekkergirl.
400 points, ended January 5, 80 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - surviving by xochocoholicxo.
779 points, ended July 31, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Breakups... by kay772.
400 points, ended November 9, 71 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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This is such a beautiful poem. I really loved reading through this and could feel the emotion and pain behind every word. Well done and thank you so much for entering my contest.
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interesting. very cool theme. you have an insightful talent. keep writing.
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this poem is soo beautiful great write!!!!!
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sad but true
good luck :]
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speechless your poem is so beautiful
i really feel the emotion behind this
it is so full of pain and past love
i feel as if it is my own broken heart
that aches and cries as the poem
so passionately describes
its so wonderful
i will defintly put this on my finalist
thank you so much for entering
such a beauty in my contest
good luck though i'm sure you won't need it
- luv expert chocoholic foreva
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Moving
Touching,gentle,engaging entry.It is peaceful,tranquil,delicate.Line length perfect,words choices all fitting,rhyme so easy and flowing.A commendable write.Thank you. -
This is really good. One thing that I noticed that many of us say we have fallen from loves grace. My question to you is, why do we say that? Love is an emotion not a person or place or thing and yet we use this emotion as a noun to say it can tell us that we have fallen. Not that this is a bad thing you see, I just wondered if you knew why we did this. Your poem is 38 lines.. you are 8 lines over the limit, but I'm going to let it slide this time cause I really liked this poem. Thanks for entering the contest and best of luck to you. kahy
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I really do like this one. This is good. I love the way you wrote it. I love the rhyme I love cupid. I love the memories. Just a wonderful write you have here. Thanks for sharing this and thanks for entering it into my contest.
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a lovely write, great job
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I do agree with another before me - the rhyme here is forced, and does not help for the actual flow and thought of the piece. Thank you for your entry!
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Please re-read the rules love, you've got a week to try again. It's a good write but not for this contest!
2. This MUST be FUNNY! I've got enough angst, thank you
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Wow, that last line was really powerful. True words from a broken heart. Thank you so much for entering the contest, good luck.
♥
whisper
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Your meter is not perfect, but it is not bad. You know how to rhyme well, but you use several cliches. This stanza in particular, the rhyme feels forced to me:
His aim wasn't true
he’s never hit the mark.
For him to hit the target
would really be a lark.
I say it feels forced because you have to manipulate the language in an unnatural way to make the rhyme work.
The pain of breaking up gets lost (for me) somewhere within the rhyme. -
So broken hearted. This made me want to cry.
You're still wallowing in this piece.
I'm looking for that point where you're moving the hell on and realizing that that person was never good for you.
Didn't you read the song lyrics before you entered this??
Beautiful piece, I swear, I really do love it, and if I had enough points left, I'd give you an applause just because I love this.
But it doesn't fit within the parameters of my contest.
Try again if you're up to it. Thanks! -
Thank you for your entry in the contest. Another heart felt piece of writing from you Bill, you certainly put your feelings down well into words. Rhyme and flow as always very good.
All the best in the contest.
Sue and Jeff
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