She took from me, until I could give no more,
She went at me, until I crumpled on the floor,
I can't remember, never having this on my shoulders,
So in my mind, I file them into folders,
I've got one for the pain, the hurt and mistrust,
One for when I have been completely crushed,
Several with memories filed for forget,
But I know that they won't be stored completely yet,
I have one file thats battered and ragged now,
It's worn right down, I'll tell you how,
From wounds being opened, memories out,
Things never change, There'll always be doubt,
So Lady and Man separate, please here this call,
I want you to know, that if I fall,
You were the cause, the reason, the hell,
Into which, my childhood fell
Author notes
Alanis Morrisette - The Couch
A contest entry
- Music Lovers For Poetry by Silver Asylum.
700 points, ended September 18, 2008, 27 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhyme Prewrite contest :) by Ami.
550 points, ended July 7, 93 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PREWRITE MADNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! by Kathraina.
650 points, ended August 15, 456 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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I absolutely love what you've done with this piece!
Great concept that speaks volumes to the reader.
Near flawless rhyme and flow here! Very strong emotions and great imagery.
Bravo
♥ Kate -
wow I can relate to this one ... and the flow was great nice job on the gold trophy you have on this one you really deserved it thank you so much for entering and good luck!
-♥Amy♥ -
Wow
Nice choice, in song...I actually used to listen to this song all the time. Plus the topic I can empathize with as well, my parents seperated when I was 7, and I know how difficult that can be. My only critique would be the overuse of your commas. I do see where some of them go properly, but there are several areas where there should be periods (i.e the last stanza if punctuized correctly would look like this...
So Lady and Man separate, please here this call.
I want you to know that if I fall,
you were the cause, the reason, the hell,
into which my childhood fell.)
However as good as this poem is, that would make your punctuation a very small critique. The title is wonderful and you really do feel the hurt and want for a chance to never feel that way anymore. Great write and good luck in the contest
~*~Zenity
**** -
Full of feelings
This is a really good poem, it kinda brings the feeling that you felt when you were writting it.
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"You were the cause, the reason, the hell,
Into which, my childhood fell"
I like these lines, very good way to end your poem. Thanks for sharin g, I enjoyed it.
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Filing Nails
I thought that it started off a bit untidy(?) but you brought it altogether, filed it away, and tidied up at the end. Very good, Cheers Tws....
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A great write and so full of pain. Good use of rhyme and a good subject.
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Sad write here
Yes indeed often we are our own worst enemies for we cant see love over the missunderstandings and egos and therefore without listening two lovers part
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wow
that was brilliant i loved the way u rhymed it was enjoyable to read and i'll read more of your stuff soon. Nick x
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