I wrote for you in bars
and on benches
in the bed of a stranger
with beautiful blue eyes
above cities,
beside suicides and gargoyles.
I wrote for you day
after day
under naked trees
in the snow
barren cold days
that gnawed on my fingers
pulling meat
from bone
on trains that took me
farther away from home
in clubs
on napkins
inside the thigh of an artist
who gave me immortality
for a bag of weed
and quick Chinese take-out.
I littered the hours
with lovely useless words
all for you, for you
while somewhere in the Hamptons
footsteps coming closer
belonged to her.
In a list
A contest entry
- I left my poem’s window open and all the adjectives escaped. by Thomas Scott.
3500 points, ended September 15, 2008, 22 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 59 of 59
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So who are you really? What is your name?? Are you writing anything else??? Publishing anywhere else????
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I knew this would get the gold!
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So very pleased to see gold on this gem. I felt this one on every level. Simply superb! ~Pamela
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Yes life is like that.
'while somewhere in the Hamptons
footsteps coming closer
belonged to her.'
An excellent ending specially when we know that we really do not know the unknown.
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Good story, clean narrative, powerful description, hospitable simplicity. Love the imagery, the captivating opening line, the tension of that undconditional longing.
Thanks for entering Dear Professor in the contest, Lane. I appreciate it.
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Wow.
That ending!
"in the bed of a stranger
with beautiful blue eyes"
"pulling meat
from bone"
"inside the thigh of an artist
who made me immortal"
These are more than words. The images, the depth of them--so vivid, so stunning, so enticing!
WOW!!!
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it's like a montage . scene after scene after scene. beautifully depicted
love your work.
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Wow, this is such creative writing and full of emotion too. I was in the same situation once so I get it even better... I just love the universal feel in this poem. The disappointment in the end is predictable in a good way - the atmosphere of the whole poem is elegantly nostalgic.
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Ahhh. ouch. This is beautifully pure and filled with disappointments and realizations...
always, it is the way... I enjoyed this. It almost seems a part in a movie... ~Bramble
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It seems like such a waste and a crime even...
however such journeys in the heart can never really be waste as it's most likely of the very actions which establish and make us know we have one.
I love the way tis reads Lane, beautifully done and so direct!
Also I believe, that the 'for you' isn't always what we think it is.
Sol
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This poem is full of feeling...it aches...you write about everyday life so wonderfully.
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wonderful passages here about the way life brings us to ever new passages, and how things we do because we need to do them, seem so much more a part of us...than the rest...excellent...PK
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This was awesome! I absolutely loved the imagery in this. I have read a lot of your poetry and I have to say that this is one of your best! Completely brilliant and so so worth every applaud. You have become my inspiration. Thank you for sharing this. Beautiufl!
Immortally Yours
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omg...thank you so much for such an awesome comment! You have truly made my day Love, Lane
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aaaahhh...
What a gentle weaving of life with words, "I littered the hours with lovely useless words" I too always enjoy your work.
Poesy
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Very lovely
And this IS why we write. In the snow and cold and on napkins at the table. And this is why we write, trying to remember and make some sense of all this.
And this is why we write, to see some light in the darkness.
And this IS why we write.
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yes, this IS why we write Thank you my new friend. Love, Lane
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well lane the beautiful longing is quite evident in your talently written piece. Not much more can I say then what has already been said so I will just have to settle for a chance at runner up
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thank you, Unknown...
please don't ever settle...the competition is the fun part, the joy in writing...this is what means the most. Love, Lane
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Great write Lane. Your words seem to always tell such great stories. I am inspired by you. Keep on writing.
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Maurice...I'll keep writing as long as you keep writing
We inspire one another - that's what it's all about, sweet Poet. Love, Lane
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To sir, with love...and did he proceed to fill the margins with red ink and give you sub standard grades. These are things that shape us into what we are today.
It's hard for me to find the appropriate words to honor this poem.
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Pat...just to have you read my poetry is an honor. Thank you so very much. Love, Lane
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Ahh my Lady
But look how well you've honed your words. Beyond compare...beyond compare.
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King, you will always be the one I look for after a poem is posted...it wouldn't be the same without you here. Love, LL
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...and YOU are why I am here.
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Jeff is 1000% correct Lane, you've got talent that is simply breathing liquid hot sighs to be published.
Is it that you wish to keep all these wonderful writes to yourself and not share them with the world? Laney, life
has tortured and taunted your soul in ways which are perhaps unforgivable, but it's lessons and hardship has
helped chisel your talent for words to beyond perfection.
And yes, you seek more perfection in your work, but what of Monet, what if he had hidden away or destroyed his earlier works because they were not "perfect"? if so, think of what the world would have lost? For seeking "perfection" of beauty existing is like re-cutting the Hope diamond over and over again.
We all wish to leave our legacy in one way or another,
and this is your route, your calling to the future, from the past. and in doing so, you also immortalize your parents, Old Joe, Millie, and all the others you treasure so dearly.
Lane, if not for you................they?
len
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Your words are always lovely, but never useless. Love and disappointment painted to perfection.
This is amongst the very best Lanes, and that means the very best.
Please put them in a book!!!
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Your talent amazes me. *points to all the other comments*....and what they said too.
Slayer
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Slayer...
from the island with love....Lane
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This is poetry. Clean uncluttered and powerful.
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I am so happy you like this. Your opinion and thoughts mean a lot to me. Thank you. Love, Lane
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Jealousy drives me to write a comment that you MUST answer! In vain, in vain, all in vain...
There are just times a poem leaves me in such bloody awe, that all I can do is stutter a few... a few... oh I don't know!
Maybe I should do like all the youngsters on AP do: Totally awesome, man - you are like totally the best poet on AP...
No?
Well, anyway...
... I'm floored.
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i love you, Mairi, and I will always aspire to the heights you have set in poetry. Love, KC
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Are we just going to go on praising each other like this?
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Okay... Now, you're NOT supposed to be better then me!
Just kidding!
(^.^)
I can relate to this in some ways but not all, even maybe when it comes to you...
But that's my secret.
P.S.
You're still cuters!
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lol...you are such a nut Love, Lane
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I is your nut..!
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oh man.... this is so sad, and full of such a soft ache. I loved it, of course. You're the best.
-joan.
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Joan, your words and thoughts on my poetry really make it worth being here. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Love, Lane
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you're most welcome.
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fhorft kiclhesnd snurgerzwmf!!!
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HA! I adore you. Love, Lane
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It's those footsteps that kill you
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sigh...ain't it the truth? love you, lane
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I like this a lot. I am certain, however, in the grand karmic scheme that you have had your revenge and someone somewhere is writing a lesser version of this same poem about you. Perhaps several...
Did I say that outloud? The bunnies made me do it.
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i'm glad you like this, allan. i never thought of revenge. Life plays out as it is supposed to, don't you think? We make mistakes, heal, move on. And for God sake, quit blaming the poor bunnies!! Love, Lane
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I ALWAYS knew he lived in the Hamptons!
(A hurricane is headed your way,blow some my way,we need it)
nice one
as always
sexy as hell
of course
D
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you are wicked. if there is a storm, then hopefully it will blow you closer...xxoo
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Dear Lane,
you are bloody brilliant.
Does it ever get old?
I actually was never that fond of blue eyes...probably because I am obsessed with wishing purple eyes were real.
Okay, that was rather unrelated.
"above cities,
beside suicides and gargoyles."
Holy crap, could you BE more poignant? I love that you weave in those 3 things & make them related so cohesively...plus, grim much? But it's all done in a way that's not feel-sorry-for-me...I think the word I am looking for is 'offhand'. LOOOOVE that line to puzzle pieces!!!
"naked trees"
That is some wicked cool alliteration...why do you always describe things that don't talk in such a sensual way? e.g. "thigh of a Bic pen" (I still remember)
I think it's really groovy.
"in clubs/on napkins"
Love that. Love that. Love that. Clubs & napkins have the same purpose in your poem...and normally, I wouldn't associate the 2 of them together...Oh meh...I just liked those 2 lines, okay?
"who made me immortal"
Wow, I love that. To feel immortal, or invincible or w/e...well, I'd imagine it's a feeling, & you've captured it SO, SO poetically. I LOVED this part!!! Coolest use of 'immortal' I have ever seen.
Truly.
Hugs, not drugs! in reference to the marijuana. Huzzah to take-out.
"lovely useless words"
I BEG to differ.
Phantasyintriguing ending you have there... Hahahahahaha
I talk about myself too much in my comments...I would apologize, but you always forgive me.
Jessica
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lol...Jess, you are priceless. God, I hope you become a writer or a publicist or SOMETHING in the literary field. I envy your youth at the moment...life hasn't even started for you yet, but I know you will dance with it until you are as old as me
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Ha, ha and you are SOOOOOO old. Yeh right. Only in your literary skills does your age surpass many of us here, me in particular.
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I've wanted to be a writer since gr. 3. Or 2.
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Lane..
Woman! awed again I am! oh the pressure of trying
to find something I don't like, is killing me!
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I've been reading Lane for over 2 years now and not a single blooper in the lot of well over 1000 poems.
Now I just enjoy, always. -
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Thank you for saying what I have thought ever since I began reading Lanie . . . not a blooper INDEED!!!!!!!
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i don't want you to find something you don't like...so see, no pressure Love, Lane
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How does such beauty hold such sadness. It is beyond me how something that feels so good, can be so painful at times. Glorious. Best to you in the contest, though clearly not needed.
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