I've drowned her out,
hacked her, the counted
pieces put in the drawer,
only a severed hand displayed,
upright, holding
a mirrored ball,
my full face smoking,
catching glimpses, dead soldiers
burning among the pines,
right now,
the price, too heavy in
these tiredwornlonely hands,
Author notes
the Muse and I are having difficulties.
image : "Choice" by Kauzya Akimoto
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Terrific!
Well, it seems to me that whatever demons you were dealing with have all been conquered except for one (the severed hand holding a ball) which you may feel is part of your being. Whatever retreat you were on is definitely over and you are ready to move on.
After a huge problem that is resolved there is a feeling of "tiredwornlonely" (wonderful word image).
Overall, a very raw piece that I really enjoyed.
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Humm..so true..and sosensitively handeled muse..I love it..well done...and thanks for sharing it my friend...
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Woah, this was intense. Maybe it's the music I've been listening to lately, but the usage of the word "hacked" stood out to me. Maybe because it's such a raw, rough word. If you're having difficulty with the Muse, I envy you; this is better than I write when it's flowing. I like the way you put tiredwornlonely all as one word; it flows and interwtines those emotions in a way that commas or spaces could not. I love it I love it I love it.
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Vivid and intense imagery, especially at the beginning.
I hope you find your muse soon. If you need some prompts, let me know.
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Ditch the muse for a weekend and take a bus trip to anywhere. Find a bus that never gets too packed, one where you can stretch your legs out on the seat and stare out the window across from you.
Catch the reflection of trees behind you; catch the person in the seat in front of you, catch the blur of trees ahead of you -- let your whole world, your whole life exist within that short and simple bus trip. You'd be amazing how peaceful that lifetime feels by the tiem you reach your destination and start over again.
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thank you for your beautiful comment.
will be doing that shortly ... leaving the retreat center at end of this month after being here for over a year. think the transition is getting to me. will follow your advice and let go.
once again, thanks.
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if you make it to new york, let me know
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good
I've drowned her out,
hacked her, the counted
pieces put in the drawer,
only a severed hand displayed,
upright, holding
a mirrored ball,
my full face smoking,
catching glimpses, dead soldiers
burning among the pines,
imagery was intense...but you never told why you did all those horrible things to poor soul....I enjoyed the peom anyway.thnaks for sharing.please visit my poetry and offer comments.
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thanks for the comment.
as to why I am in this space ... right now, in my scorpio mood.
once again, thanks for the comment.
p.s. will visit your site soon.
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Well-written!
I quite like the imagery you chose...the piece has an overall angry, jagged feel to it because of the prevalence of hard consonant sounds. -
Help?
Can you enlighten me on this please? Maybe I'm too dumb to get this? At first I thought that it was about the Statue of Liberty, which was representing USA, but the mirrored ball put me off that. -
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thank you for the comment.
in the author notes, I have the word "dormant" to express the transitional state I am in.
the Muse and I have been ... well, not getting along.
once again, thanks for the comment.
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