This will be the last poem I write about you
only because my raw hands
can’t hold up these memories much longer
They hurt too much
And now I’m laying on the train-tracks
with my closest friends,
following their laughter, yet feeling so apart at the same time.
For I’m remembering those days when the mist would completely
obscure the tracks, with a veil so thick I could barely see you,
but your hands were always firmly attached to my hips.
And with this attachment came not a promise, but a type of faith so rare
that I hadn’t been able to find it in anyone else before.
You were my morning gift.
We would get up before dawn, every day, and not speak.
If we did speak, it was in whispers, floating not above us, but between.
When the sun yawned its way through the majestic clouds,
it radiated off your face,
and sometimes I was afraid all your beauty would swallow you whole.
But that never happened, for every morning I heard a tender tap on my window,
and I would smile at your hair ruffled from sleep,
the green-knit sweater clinging to your masculine body.
We’d rush through the field, hand-in-hand, and you would stop to pick me
the sweetest daisy,
because you didn’t want me to forget you.
When we got to the tracks, I’d wait to feel those hands on my hips,
helping me balance not just my body, but my world.
And when you died, that balance was twisted into
something so fierce, it knocked me off my feet,
and I knew I’d never walk without stumbling again.
I go down there every morning, wearing your sweater,
making sure to pick the sweetest daisy, so that you’ll know I’ll never forget you.
And when the sun radiates off my face, I can feel your hands on my hips, guiding me, reminding me that even though you’re gone,
you’re still my morning gift.
A contest entry
- Tales Of Loss by peregrin.
450 points, ended October 1, 2008, 38 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite-palooza by swim.x.
1650 points, ended October 6, 2008, 101 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - favorites only; prewrites. by heavenbird.
700 points, ended May 20, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Wowzer
if I could write like that...I envy your skill and wish you the best of luck in all that you do, congrats on the gold trophy
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this is a gorgeous write. i can see why it got golds both times. just awesome congratulations!
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I'm going to comment on this one again. This is such an emotionally stunning piece. And for a poem about loss, it is very bittersweet and beautiful.
You are a very talented writer, I can see that clearly. Congrats on winning two gold trophies with this one. I hope you win many more
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I actually can't express how this sorrow you wrote wonderfully about affected me. This was one of the most beautiful poems of loss that I have ever read, and that is no exaggeration at all. I am thoroughly impressed with this poem
Congratulations and good luck in the contest.
Chin up,
Swim.x -
This is so amazing and sad. I love the whole thing, but the last stanza really stands out.
"I go down there every morning, wearing your sweater,
making sure to pick the sweetest daisy, so that you’ll know I’ll never forget you.
And when the sun radiates off my face, I can feel your hands on my hips, guiding me, reminding me that even though you’re gone,
you’re still my morning gift."
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Wow...this probably one of the most amazing poems I have every read, I didn't know such talent existed in this world. This is the sort of thing that'll help people when needed. Well done.
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This is so beautiful. I love the letter feel to it. I have never lost a boyfriend, but I have lost a close friend... I know the hurt all too well.
This has beautiful form to it, the last stanza holds it strong. I wish you the best of luck in this contest, and strength to move on.
♥
Lish
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Very sad. It made me think of my very first boyfriend, he was killed in a car accident....I KNOW your devastation. It takes years to heal. You did a wonderful job expressing yourself in this write! Poetry is very therapeutic, I hope it helps you!
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Made me cry!
This is like straight from my diary...
freaking fantastic!
I love it.
I think this is brilliant!
Great write,
touching as hell.
I don't know what else to say.
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awe inspiring
that was so terribly beautiful, I loved being able to read it. thankyou for the insight -
OHMYGAWD HOE. This was incredible ! AND wtf. I totally just posted a comment, and half of it was deleted... >:[ Anyways. This is just wows, love. You put me in complete awe. Your imagery was incredibly written, as I could picture everything in my mind as I read it, it was deep & powerful, filled with amazing metaphors, & I loved how this painted so many emotions. Happy, sad, love, loss, etc. Though. Maybe loss isn't an emotion. But whatever. You get the point :]
-This will be the last poem I write about you
only because my raw hands
can’t hold up these memories much longer
They hurt too much
...
I read these first few lines, and had to take a deepdeep breath. I can relate so well. Ughhh. I say that all the time; "this'll be the last poem I'll write about him" 38947293 poems later, he still ends up being the topic. Go figure.
Anywho.
Brilliantly penned. Very relatable.
-We would get up before dawn, every day, and not speak.
If we did speak, it was in whispers, floating not above us, but between.
When the sun yawned its way through the majestic clouds,
it radiated off your face,
and sometimes I was afraid all your beauty would swallow you whole.
...
Imagery=love.
& I love your imagery in these lines. Damn, woman, where is all your inspiration coming from? I'm guessing the picture, because this fits PERFECTLY with it. haha keep this uppp hoe! This is definitely one of my favorites by you. Top, what now, 20? lol
loveyouuu♥
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That was a great poem!!
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This was excellent. Such vivid emotion and the pic you have at the top speaks volumes as well
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