Unspoken words

What if I told you how I really feel? Would you run like everyone else in my life? How can you say "we" are so different when I am left the with same feelings?
I can't sleep and I know you are awake, I want to reach out to you but will you answer? Will you just pretend to be sleeping while all the wile you are dealing with the pain inside of you alone? Not even the urge to reach out to me? I know you can not stand being alone but then you choose to be. I miss you like the way I miss my Mountain Dew. It is bad for me but the taste is so sweet and when I am without it my whole day is off. I know it's tearing my inside's up but I am addicted to it. I can live with out it but I really don't want to.
Am I crazy to want you to call when you are off of work? When you get up or before you go to bed? At least a text letting me know you are thinking about me. Out of site, out of mind. You said you were in a bad place mentally. Where do I go with that? What does that leave me with?
How can a month go by and we are so connected but so disconnected at the same time?
Why is it so hard? We are not even in love yet but somehow you have a hold on me. I running though cause I know I could not survive you. You will rip me to shreds. I told you all the reasons why I should go and you said not true but did not take any responsibility. So blame me it on me it is easier for you and me. It is all my fault. I am not the one still holding on to the past. Well maybe I am but only for survival. I don't want to relive the past and somehow I think you do. You are not ready to move on with me. I will not compete with her or anyone else. My heart is not a competition. This is not a game for me. I want easy love but I was AlWAYS willing to the work if only you were in with me. I could handle anything as long as we were facing it together. I saw another side of you and I am so glad I did. It was a side that I never want to see again. Keep your drama, I'll keep mine and somehow I think it will be alright......