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spring life

yellow blossoms
in the wattle
smile at me

pink lips
from the plum tree
kiss me

raindrops
on my umbrella
dance for me

the creek rises
and runs
into a playground

and the sun
plays hide and seek
with clouds

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • apples fell
    September 1, 2008

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    I did think the use of "me" repeated three times in the piece at the end of each stanza was a bit much...But I also loved the attention to detail in that third one, even with the "me" ending. I think I remember your cloud and sun imagery in another poem, but I can't remember the title...Anyways, I enjoyed that attention to detail. The poem is like short snippets and I enjoyed the quality of the vocab. All in all, a strong piece of writing myron.

    ;


    • myron silver member
      September 2, 2008

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      me

      Thanks James - you always have interesting points to make. I'll look at all those me's and see what i can do.

  • notorious
    September 1, 2008

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    This makes me think of haiku done the "wrong" way--or, haiku you would fail me for...hahaha. There's so much personification!!!
    Except...there are over 66 ways to write haiku.

    LoL
    But as poetry...
    I likes.

    The one about the creek is my favorite. I can picture it (though I can picture all of them )



    Jessica


    • myron silver member
      September 1, 2008
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      personification

      Well, Jessica - luckily this poem is not a haiku, LOL otherwise you'd crucify me! Thanks for reading this one. The creek in the playground is my fave part too.
1 - 8 of 8