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Well...Just ...Shit

Slap my face and call me crappy
spread your cheer 
and shit on me
I don't care, if it makes you happy
sit a high horse, have a beer

Call me childish, selfish, mean.
you don't know my heart within
sticks and stones hurt for a while
but i'll just get up again.

take a shit on my decisions
won't you please correct my sin?
life's a cesspool of revisions
my new friends tell me to grin.

A life of misery, you think?
nay...not I, I'll be just fine.
My old outlook sure did stink,
it's wash off "all the old shit"..time.

Author notes

just in a good mood, HA!
This is a NEW poem, I don't know why it came up as a pre-write???

A contest entry

do you think this is too dark?

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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • Mariana gold member
    February 3

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    A poem of hope and determination.
    Keep on getting up every time you get knocked down!

    Mariana


  • Apocalyptic Scarves
    February 3

    Edit | Reply
    I liked the first stanza alot, my only complaint in the first stanza is the last line, it doesn't make much sense, i'll assume you meant sit on a high horse, other wise the first stanza had a neat rhythm to it.

    The second stanza kind of lost it for me, after the first stanza set up a rhythm you broke it in the second stanza, usually i'm pretty against rhyme, but if it flows well go for it, and in this case i think some rhyme would've done nicely here.

    Call me childish, selfish, mean.
    You don't know a thing

    something along those lines.

    the the third stanza picked up again, with an ABAB pattern, nicely done here.

    other then the inappropriately placed quotations in the lastline of the 4th stanza


    • echo-ink
      February 3
      Edit | Reply
      Nope, I meant sit a high horse...arrogance.
      it's a fast paced rhyme.
      with anger, and sarcasm-
      not meant for a pretty little rhyme-tune.
      Sorry you didn't like it


  • written-in-ink
    September 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    aww i hope that you feel better and that this isnt soemthing that lasts forever

    but thank you for giving me a nice rant this was amazinng
    you have no idea

    thank you so much and good luck


  • Maxboy gold member
    September 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful and lively poem that fits the tune in my head.

    You are just having way to much fun...NOT

    Glad to see you so happy my BUDDY.

    Love
    Don


  • luna-midnight gold member
    September 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    awww, you are silly, hope you feel better
    lovers you
    xoxox

1 - 9 of 9