Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

I Shall...

Sing of my joyfulness living in light,
Dance to life’s music in rhythms of grace,
Reach for the sun and the stars of the night,
Bask in the rapture of all I embrace.

Shine with pure joy from just being alive,
Spreading abundantly spirit’s true gifts,
Bless all encountered their hearts to revive,
Give to each soul unsolicited lifts.

Stand in the path of adversity’s wind,
Claim my shortcomings with humility,
Offer compassion to all who have sinned,
Share other's hardships in tranquility.

Strive to seed hopefulness all that I can,
Living to fullest this life as a man.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Just some morning thoughts.

1.Shakespearean – Rhyme scheme: abab cdcd efef gg. Challenge: Use a meter other than iambic pentameter.

In a list

A contest entry

Tell of victories over demons!

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 28 of 28

  • Peripatetic gold member
    October 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    The resolve of the poet begins with an active introspective realization of joy which then discovers personal joy might be contagious to all who encounter it. The outward look becomes resolve in the third stanza to be honest with oneself and compassionate with others. The heroic couplet is a strong, climactic statement of the poet's determination to live fully as an embodiment and source of hope and joy.
    The meter is strong, consistent and well-paced [to my ear] except in lines 10 & 12 where it seems a little forced with "humility" and "tranquility". Perhaps the fault lies with my ear, as none of the other fine poets who have commented on this wonderful poem seems to have had a problem with these lines!


    • PerVirtuous
      October 5, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      I am glad you mentioned that. I put a lot of thought into those lines. Shakespeare loved to throw in lines not iambic, but only when the words were powerful enough to carry the line without the traditional meter:

      "Now is the winter of our discontent."

      I look at it like a turn in a carriage ride. It makes you lean to the side a little, but if that gives you a spectacular view out the window off the side of a hill, then it is worth it to the reader. I thougt this poem would not be complete without the word 'humility'. I further thought that it would be cheating to not use it as a rhyming word.


      • Peripatetic gold member
        October 5, 2008

        Edit | Reply
        Some of us are mere craftsmen, adept as far as it goes and capable of creating works of some interest and beauty. Others among us, though, are true artists, forcing the muse to gather her skirts and try to keep up at flank speed even around the corners of your precipitous course.

  • ecrivain01
    September 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Very nice ...

    and very nicely done.


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    September 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Actually this is bloody good, Allan. It employs a kind of acephalic anaphora, when you stop and look at it. And you have stayed true to your belief that the lines create the punctuation. Trois lapins.

  • femurlee
    September 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Just Delightful!

    It's a challenge to write a Shakespearean sonnet with iambic pentameter -- something I've found nail-biting. Good luck in the contest! Peace.


  • Gods Lil Warrior
    September 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is a great poem.

    Keep up the great writing.

    Thanks for entering my contest.


  • maa gold member
    September 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    a very touching verse, and the meter you have chosen to give rhythm to your sonnet is very appropriate for your joyful and positive message ... it almost reminds me of saint francis' prayer ...
    beautifully simple and delightful ...
    my cup of tea ...
    maa


  • cricketjeff gold member
    September 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Delectable tetrameter and good content! Yet another very strong candidate, I'll even give it a Not Bad!

    Looking forward to your entries in the finale.
    Have Fun!

    Jeff and Sue


  • trekkergirl
    September 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    nicely written. Good job. Nice flow.


  • reckless abandon
    September 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, I loved the rhyming in this, it never sounded forced like in many other poems. I'd say the best part is the ending, it's strong and I love poems that end in two rhyming lines.


  • paulcreates silver member
    September 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is quite an optimistic and strongly written piece of the virtuous man. I like this line the best: "Give to each soul unsolicited lifts."
    You've done well Allen.
    Paul


  • StarEyes
    September 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    My Dear friend,

    What a great job you did on this one! You and Amera both, have a way with sonnets, that I can't seem to master What a great job you did on this one!

    Best of luck in the contests!

    and love

    Nyetta


  • The Rivaling Mimic
    September 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This was wonderful. Perectly composed.


  • Dlvvanzor
    September 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, that was highly inspiring! You do a really good job of painting a picture and you have a vocabulary the rest of us can only dream of.

    Very, very well written,
    -Dlvvanzor


  • Rose Angel gold member
    September 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A wonderful entry for the contest! The rhyme and flow is terrific, not to say that your verbage and meaning of this poem isn't to say the least!
    I do wish you well..This is a trophy winner!

  • doodlebug
    September 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    full of life

    excellent, bright, cheerful, a joy to read, may you live it , may we all live it.


  • Symphony
    September 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this is so much more than a few 'morning thoughts' - it's the type of poem that I'd love to read when I feel down, or somethign that, when you think you're losing yourself on the path of life, that could just really show you how to deal.

    Amazing; and precisely what I needed to read this morning Bravo to you, and best of luck in all those contests you're entered in, although I doubt very much that you need it!


  • Azgar
    September 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Well written


  • echo-ink
    September 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Shows more of your spiritual journeys. a humble heart, and wow, what a man, letting your light always shine. awesome sonnet.


  • 2lullabyhaven
    September 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The 'residue' from this poem will remain.. its so Kool

  • Eusebius
    September 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh, this is a fine sonnet, indeed! Wonderfully well done throughout with and excellent moral into the bargain as well! bravo....


  • Violinstrings silver member
    September 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    beautiful

    flowing with grace and great words


  • Amera gold member
    September 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is world class beauty and it’s purely you. You have the most generous and caring heart. You are also humble and I don’t see your “short comings”. This is truly one of your best sonnets.

    Love,
    Amera♥


  • Suzianne
    September 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Splendid

    This is well crafted and full of life and juicy rhymes. It is a delight.


  • ebaby
    September 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I shall do the same! wonderful morning thoughts, I really enjoyed reading this as I come in from working outside, its extream here right now with all the flooding. Life is Good!


  • PassionsPromise gold member
    September 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Right on you are awesome.
    well done and best wishes in the
    contest

    love ya

    Tory


  • transcendental baby gold member
    September 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Right On!

1 - 28 of 28