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there it goes









newspaper cuts,
the horoscope
on things i hadn’t
experienced yet
and ex-idols.

dropped.

dust clings to my fingers
like cocklebur.

a click of growing up
and voila!

the room where i loved
a tv show character
smells of stripping.

for his arrival
three weeks from now
i bluff
with royal letting go.

i must
become empty enough,
spacious enough
to fit him inside
my aura.

but i will not
say r.i.p.










Author notes

Sept. 1, 2008

honestly, is this crap?

A contest entry

Honesty.

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Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • Danna Hobart
    September 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is very good. Nice use of imagery and metphor. I love the next to the last stanza. It is the strongest, but I think I would leave " my
    aura" off of it.


  • mysticstorm gold member
    September 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very interesting and creative...I do believe it grew stronger as it when along and the ending was stunning...very nicely done...congrat's on the HM...
    mystic

  • the sepia vitamin
    September 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love your images here. Newspapers and horoscopes has always been an area of interest, metaphor-wise, for me so you definitely hooked me from the start. I agree with fug-azi: the 7th stanza is my favourite too. So interesting and so well done.


  • Fug-azi
    September 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I found the flow a little ragged over the first three stanzas but then it all came together to form and interesting read, I especially like stanza seven, it has a great image.


  • Age of Rain
    September 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Definitely not crap. Actually, a VERY good write. I found myself riveted from start to finish. Exceedingly interesting write. Best of luck!

  • ecrivain01
    September 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Personally ...

    I like the last line. To me, it's the icing on the cake.

    Certainly not crap.


  • CookieZeal Greeters member
    September 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    No crappola here.

    Like a 'lookie' game. Peak-a-boo.
    Don't even think you need the last line. Just my first
    take on it.

    Wonderful!


  • Polaja Greeters member
    September 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I thought that the first stanza needed a little bit of direction (the first line has a comma so I expected the rest to be together), but that could just be me I really loved the third stanza and the rest flows nicely together - giving the tone a kind of reluctant enthusiasm I enjoyed it!

    Keep writing

    Polly

1 - 12 of 12