Stay with me ’til morning
Just like yesterday
We can have one more night
Then you can walk away
I’ve always thought that our love
would go on for ever & ever
I’ve always thought that our love
Was strong enough, no matter the weather
Yes I’m glad that you have told me
You’ve fallen in love with another
We lived each day as if it were our last
We did everything together
Now you’re going to leave me, in the dark of the night
Stay until sunrise, then you can leave when it’s light
I’ve got to carry on with life in the morning
I never saw this coming you gave no warning
Can we not make love just one more time like before
In the morning I’ll watch as you walk out the door
I can take you to that place, only you and I know
You say our love is dead, but can’t we make it grow?
Oh just go now, I can’t take all this heart-ache
I’ll just lie here on our bed all night, wide awake
I don’t want you near me, I just can’t understand
After all we’ve been through you want to shake my hand?
A contest entry
- Heartbreak Hotel by neenz.
900 points, ended November 10, 2008, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
If there is such a thing as "Love at first sight" could there be "Hate at first sight?"
Comments
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hmm, good piece, the rhyme flows well, but I have a hard time believing anybody would be willing to do their cheating significant other and then just let/watch them leave...I think I'd be repulsed or hit something...maybe angry sex...I could see that...but still... perhaps I'm analyzing this too much. That said, I really liked the last stanza because I think it hits a little closer to the full range of emotions-- a last ditch plea, but also the frustration/repulsion. My favorite are the last 2 lines--"I don't want you near me, I just can't understand/After all we've been through, you want to shake my hand?" That reminds me of one of those weird formal awkward goodbyes...very powerful and well-done... good luck! --Shannon
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so painful, i feel this - "After all we’ve been through you want to shake my hand?" A business transaction gone wrong??!! Where is the love? Thank you for the entry.
-N -
This is pretty. I love the turn it took at the end where they changed their mind about the person staying. I really did like this write, so don't take offense now that I point out that there is a slight error on line 10 (I think) it says "You've falling"
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What error? There is no error ( well not anymore, since I changed it, and thank you very much for pointing it out to me)
Thank you for reading my poem, and your comment. I am now standing in the corner, and have been given detention for my mistake.(LOL) Thanks again Tws...
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