In they rush one by one
stronge they are
taking lives as they leave
off they go with many more
away im swept
miles out to sea i am
scared as hell
but drowning is not an option
looking all aruond all i see is blue
i call for help but no one is around
i gasp for one last breath and under i am sucked
up again i pop but not for long
settel for a moment i can finaly breath
the bright sunny day is fast to night
i pray soon i will be found
the cool air drops my temperature
fast i am deathly cold
when awakend by a poke i am scared
all of this was just a dream
A contest entry
- Contest PIF Picture Prompt 11x10.. 48th Contest by Spiritualangel by spiritualangel.
575 points, ended September 5, 2008, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter your favorite poem that hasn't won anything by whispernthedark.
745 points, ended October 4, 2008, 73 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 4 Options (PW allowed) by Rhythm Child.
400 points, ended January 18, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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i lvoe the ending "it was just a dream" that is something most poets dont dare to do but it worked. cudos! BTW thanks for the coment you jsut poosted my dead ego!
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Some dream, great imagery powerful and realistic.
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Thankyou for the entry
keep writing
Rhythm Child
(Billy) -
Wonderful poem. Thank you so much for entering the contest, good luck.
♥
whisper
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Great Imagery!!!!
I loved your descriptions in ths poem...I was right there in the water with you watching your head bob in and out of the water...Then the best part was to awake and find it was just a dream...Thanks God...lol...Thanks for your kind review of my poem and for taking the time to read..and for the applauses as well...Your poem was very nice to read as well!!!~~~Toni~~~
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Excellent!!! I can really feel the emotion behind this write!!! I also have a picture of the ocean as it carries a scared girl away!!! You did a wonderful job writing this!!! Its Amazing!!! I LOVE IT!!!
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Holy Mackeral!
...I just watched a movie last night, albeit an old one,
with Tom Hanks who got marooned on a Pacific island.
A lot of realism in this. What do you think it was that bumped you? I think it was a porpoise, or maybe Captain Nemo's submarine to the rescue!
Well, maybe that is another poem's beginning!
Great Poem!
John-Nevada
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thank you for taking the time to read this poem it is a fav of mine i didnt even know how to end it so that is y i ended it with being awaken by a poke i just wanted to wrap it up without leaving my readers hanging.....thnks again i love it when my readers ar left happy....
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Please put your AP name at AN
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Wowzahs hey I liked this poem it was delightious! Haha only what is up with your punctuation? Eh whatevah anyway I liked the way you clearly portrayed the emotions and I also liked the way you described the environment in the poem. Kudos!
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thank you for your comment and i never use punctuation it just isnt me sorry if that is a prob.... thanks again...
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oh haha no problemo i really don't care if you use pucutation or not. oh man, that is a hard word to type hehe. and you're welcome, i think it's a really really good write!
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Great poem...really. I love the title too.
Keep penning...
Crescencia -
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thank you much i enjoy reading all my comment wheni get back to my page it is always very up lifting thank you....
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This is a great write..So alive with imagery. It has great potential here..Just some brush ups on lines, grammar and spelling...I would love to help you with it...Wonderful ideas and imagination!
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a great take on the promt full of vivid imagery and strong emotion good luck in the contest
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thank you all for yuor comments i really liked them...
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