Like a necklace thrown,
diamonds trapped in black ice,
illuminated by casual flares
of passing strangers.
Steady drone of asphalt whispers
kissing rubber skin,
and what secrets do bricks and mortar hide
as they huddle like penguins
against the heathen night.
Pseudo stars cascade neon pollen,
coating all in sepia glow
like faded photo’s in fathers mind
while mother feigns death,
overdosed on nicotine memories;
long dried smears of casual romance
reflected in leathers intimacy,
and we the children,
trapped between magazine pages
hope reality isn’t real.
A contest entry
- Contest for free verse poems... PW of Sept'08 allowed by Manoj Sanyal.
370 points, ended September 15, 2008, 24 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - BATTLE OF THE GOLDS TWO by Swan song.
1200 points, ended September 20, 2008, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Critique Requested
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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This rendered me almost speechless
Veruy good very intense and I am rapt
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this is good poem and thought provoking.
Best wishes and good luck,
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wow. This is Awsome, I love it.
(:
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The first two stanzas set the scene most vividly, certainly for me, calling to mind car journeying at night as a child. The moving cats eyes, road lamps and buildings external to the car, emphasises it being an inside capsule of security.
Then the parents in who's presence we share here, in most likely all we know of safety in our overlapping worlds, while being aware of their having particularities we less share in... we feel most comfortable remaining in our own.
This is what is immediately captured for me...
and extremely well too!
Sol
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breath taking
3rd stanza is amazing.
This poems imagery is fantastic
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well worked
J'adore la fin. "Hope reality isn't real". I don't know what it is about it sort of a play on words I suppose but I found it very good ending... The three short lines.
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well-written
this is a very beautful poem the imagery is very well done... good job xx -
I forgot something.
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AMAZING IMAGRY!!!
I love this. It is very surreal. YOu have done an amazing job with the imagry. The flow is nice, almost sing-songish. I found myself kinda nodding to an unheard tune. beautiful. really beautiful.
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Oh! I really like this!! how life can turn into the same thing over and over! and yet still we try and escape it with our imagination! well done! I really enjoyed reading this! thank you very much for sharing!!
Angel
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I'm not sure if I get this, but it's a journey that goes nowhere, still trapped. Set them free. Cheers Tws...
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You got it
It is a journey that goes nowhere because they are stuck in routine. The children can only escape through reading and believing that not everything is like this.
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