Sheer as snow, and
Prettier by day,
I'm besotten by a stealth siren,
Rapt in the disillusion of 'her' accolades.
Twist the stem
And reveal your fortune;
Cut in half...
You find your talisman.
Lets get pretty tonight!
Enwrap the apples
from the Queen
and send out the Knights.
My core has been muckraked,
Dangling high in the branches.
Pretty girl, picking apples in daylight,
With forsworn concernment.
I'm tipsy tumbling from the ladder...
A knife through the neck
By the knight I'd enchanted.
Author notes
Option 2, ♥Snow White...?????
Option 21 AND 23. StrangeAngel
A contest entry
- Snow white :)... the Other side of the story... by Lady Michaella.
302 points, ended September 12, 2008, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pure blood, and Gore.. by BrokenHeartsInVain.
650 points, ended April 9, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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It's a lot different, especially from most of the pieces I've read so far. It gives some discription, but it doesn't completely give what it's about away. Great piece. I had to look up a few words, (I'm only 13, there's only so many words in my vocabulary)
Thank you for entering and good luck in the contest. ♥ -
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It's a fractured-Fairytale of sorts....
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Yeah, I actually ment that in a good way, sorry if I didn't make that clear. Most poems give what they're talking about away, and in this one I actually got to think. I enjoyed it.
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This is very different. It's not screaming ADDICTION but it has that subtle feeling of it. I like your imagery and descriptions, very different and unusual. I like that you could see a twisted fairytale in the poem. Good job and good luck in the contest.
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It's a Fractured-Fairytale of sorts...
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This was amazingly written; I would never have thought of this. You told a wonderfully unique version of an old tale and your word choices were excellent. Great job with vivid imagery.
AsIThink...
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Amazing ... Brilliant.
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simply lovely thanks for shareing such a great poem, in it again i saw love but a sad sharp feeling to it as well the image is great
vanna -
Wow.
This was brilliant.
Snow White was always my favorite fairy tale.
Thank you -
Deep, passionate, thought provoking and image filled...excellent! Peace n' Love, JT
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very unique, and almost surreal, i'll be back to read again. great work
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My core has been muckraked,
Dangling high in the branches.
Pretty girl, picking apples in daylight,
With forsworn concernment.
I'm tipsy tumbling from the ladder...
A knife through the neck
By the knight I'd enchanted.
these last lines are so serene.. so wonderful indeed.. loved it alot...
by
The Poet Of Hearts Beautiful Words
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I liked this.... It has a real dark edge to it... but it's pretty at the same time... like a beautifully sinister painting, elegant on the surface, deep and sexy at it's core... I don't know, but something about this stanza kinda turns me on...
"I'm tipsy tumbling from the ladder...
A knife through the neck
By the knight I'd enchanted."
... ya, I might have issues, but i really really liked it... I'mma check some more out!
Sincerely,
TheRamer
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I like it.. It has a weird twist in the end but it's still well written.. the flow was smooth through most of it though this one line, "Lets get pretty tonight" didn't seem to fit.. I think that stanza would be just as good without it.. But that is only my opinion though.. You did a good job.. Best of luck in the contests..
Angel
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You may be right, I may need to figure out how to make it blend with the rest of the piece...it is, in fact, a real life inspiration that drove this piece, haha. Thanks though!
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weird lol
nice a sweet but weird
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It's supposed to be weird...it's part of the description, hahaha!
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Very well written indeed! I love the use of elegant words in poetry and this is indeed dark but elegant as the words go. Awesome job!
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Very well written, I like it. I think it will go far in this contest...I might just enter something.
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LOVE'D IT
I love the way you twisted a sweet fairytale into something dark, and I loved the ending...
"Pretty girl, picking apples in daylight,
With forsworn concernment.
I'm tipsy tumbling from the ladder...
A knife through the neck
By the knight I'd enchanted"
Keep writing. -
I loved this. It was a very clever use of language and the way you turned the fairytale into something so dark. A wonderful write.
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I really like this, it's clever and dark. I love the descriptions and details you've used. Your word choice is wonderful as well. Good luck in the contests.
♥
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Wow, yes I like! I see what you mean, that resonates.
"My core has been muckraked,
Dangling high in the branches." Love that, very unusual, but real.
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eeeeck. Now I liked all but the ending about the knife. I liked the word muckraked... is that even a true word???
So sad the ending tho... couldn't snow white please have a happier ending. No honestly this is a very well written write. Good job.
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An acid look at an old tale! I'm impressed. I look forward to reading more of your work. Excellent!
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I really like that description. Definitely derived from a fairy tale, but written from the mind of a scorned acid trip, so to speak, hahah.
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Clever
Nice combination of non-fiction and fairy tale with som underlying humor. Good luck in the contest as was certainly creative and well written. Take care, Rhon
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