How much disappointment fills a sigh
making the ploughed rows of a frown
into art, so life like music fades away,
and you sit, wringing handkerchief hands
wiping away regrets' potential residue.
The cry of a chair abused against a wall
sends motes of memory cowering;
like slip on shoes, responsibility has no ties,
and they say,
you have made a career from loneliness.
Author notes
8)Say, Cry, Frown, Music, Sigh, Potential, Career, Life, Art, Responsibility
A contest entry
- The Prompt Coffee House: Prompt Challenge Round 3: Word Banks by Ceridwens Soul.
1050 points, ended September 12, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Critique Requested
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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A Perfect Poem
I admit I was attracted to your page because I love the band Fugazi... But hell, what a poem,...and you sit, wringing handkerchief hands
wiping away regrets' potential residue.
Jesus... what a master with word choices! I don't want to pester like others, but you might want to check me out... I think we might be kindred souls... I love the imagery created within just a small space... you are proof that small doesn't necessarily make a huge impact... good luck with the contest, you deserve gold! Kudos, If I had any applause left, you'd have them! -
This piece is enticing to a reader even though it is full of such sorrowful emotion, one has to keep reading. Very powerful use of the word bank


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Thank you for your entry, good luck!
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Even the first line is brilliant drawing me in until the end
"How much disappointment fills a sigh"
That is one of the best lines I have ever read..It makes me think and filled me with such emotion...WHOA
Bro you are so amazing
Lynda


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I love how cleverly you used this particular word bank. I confess that I tried to write a poem for this word bank, but decided to use another.
For me, a couple of places were unclear only because I wonder if an apostrophe is needed. For example, wiping away regrets potential residue...regrets'? Likewise, shoes'? though I can see that the ambiguity can provide a couple of ways of interpreting the lines. Great job and best of luck in the contest.


1 - 5 of 5




