i emote
like a water cycle
melting and turning to ice,
crying my heart into the whitewater.
(the boulders' soul still
resounds in my hands).
i don't believe myself at all
transforming to water
i'll be swirling like a
lonely trumpet solo under the moon
all the way to babylon;
my own personal wave.
i see words in the lake
like the blood on the boy
with his hands over his head
burning beneath the train.
its the piano
falling down the stairs,
its vibrations of death sent to Toronto
for a man with nothing left
but food in tubes that is fed
into him through his stomach.
he cannot speak but his single tear
unrolls like a tapestry
hopeless, loveless, & hurting.
serenity fly back to us.
Author notes
Ummm this is kind of a big jumble. The beach, finally getting to know someone that i've known forever, my grandparents trip && my dads job.
VERY mixed up yeah.
<3
A contest entry
- dragging a dead deer up a hill by the atlantic.
1000 points, ended September 16, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
erosion in the elements
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Also I forgot to mention that there is also a disconnection from each thought into the next...And without being a good reader, one might miss the relevance of each image and how it connects gradually to the poems format and layout. There is a delicate soul searching quality...
Oh whatever. Rant done.
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"for a man with nothing left
but food in tubes that is fed
into him through his stomach."
- The only awkward part in your poem. I think there are too many words here to describe the moment...Some smoothing would help, basically. The end is beautiful and relevant. There is a gentleness to the imagery. And that beginning...Haunting. I don't think this could be your best poem...It IS your best poem. Period.
"i see words in the lake
like the blood on the boy
with his hands over his head
burning beneath the train."
- Glorious. There seems to be a distant feeling to this and almost a gathering of memories that tie up in an almost stream of thought way...Though there is still disconnection behind the words.
Haunting and powerfully writing.
;
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this is my favorite poem of yours. too many parts i love to point on specifically
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i'll be swirling like a
lonely trumpet solo under the moon
all the way to babylon;
mm. reading you is like having ice cream when you havent had ice cream in a year.
i missedd this, and you! <333
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=DDD I love your comments! So so so happy to hear from youuu♥ i've missed youuu too!!
<3<3<3
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one of your personal best, i think.
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wow.
HOLY you were up early!
<33thank youu.
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oohhh, i like this alot
good luck in the contest and take care
Stephanie ♥ -
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hi! Thanks for the comment<33.
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wow..
this one is a bit darker than your usual stuff hun.. and i like it.
i know you know i super suck at comments but ily and i hope you understand lol i really enjoyed reading ALL of this though; i cant really pick a part its tooo hard! <3
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You don't suck at comments you just don't like to pick things apart mostly! You just like to say how you felt and you you liked it & thats fine by meeeee<3<3<3.
♥thank youuuu
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i emote
like a water cycle
melting and turning to ice,
crying my heart into the whitewater.
not only can i totally relate to how this feels,
it's GORGEOUS.
and your last stanza was like, a tunnel of stun. it was stunning.
gahhh i love you
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oh my goodness thank you so much!!♥
I'm really happy you could relate to the opening bit & that u liked it. =D yaay thank you for ready baaby<3.
♥.xo.
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