I yearned to mirror God's love
to these little ones in my charge;
perhaps blurred love,
or cracked ...
but not smashed.
Walloped wits of flippant
eight year old in my religious ed class;
dubbed him "Mr. Constant Commentary".
Kids laughed nervously.
Word travels fast when a child protests ...
Shunned,
my tears cascade,
tongue cries "foul",
cheeks glow red.
Golden robes of "teacher" torn;
now clothed in blackened rags
of spirit bruised.
You share my shame --
bear scarlet yoke,
plow grave of sighs.
Author notes
Freed by Mercy
Theme: "Shamed, scorned, shunned" in the Church.
Poem is about an incident which occurred in my religious education class,
I made a misjudgment which reflected badly upon me and sadly,
probably upon the material I teach. It blew up in my face today,
when I was told I would not be allowed to continue to teach
in this program at my church.
In a list
A contest entry
- Poem of the Month - POM by Arkbear.
1250 points, ended September 2, 2008, 23 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Broken Sadness by SunDew.
1200 points, ended February 26, 54 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Guilt (prewrites welcome) by Danna Hobart.
400 points, ended January 18, 16 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I'm so sorry this hurtful thing has happened to you. you did explain it poetically though ... nice job.
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Beautifully written!
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I am sorry that you were not allowed to continue teaching. We all make mistakes. You wrote about it well. Thank you for entering.
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sadness
My dear mom! I feel your loss deeply through your words. I am so sorry for you. I sincerely hope all has worked itself out, though. This is a wonderful poem, full of your faith.
Thanks for entering & good lock!
~Bright
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Well done!
Congrats on the well-deserved trophy.
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I really like this title - and your wording. It's a shame that incident had to happen - but I'm sure it is for a much higher reason than you can understand right now, and I'm sure things will work out for the best.
Best wishes to you in this.
Best wishes in this contest.
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Thanks, aboomer.
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Superb title! Bear (as burden) Scarlet (sins, condemnation) Yoke (with Savior).
Powerful intro "I yearned to mirror God's love to these little ones." Yes, we often love imperfectly.
"Walloped wits" nice alliteration and word usage.
Interesting "kids laughed nervously." Brings up the question of were they afraid he'd bully them if they laughed, or afraid they might be next for a naming? So difficult! "A child protests" (perhaps as a dodge when Mom asks about his homework) and the teacher is the one shunned. What pain we can cause when we whisper instead of discuss problems!
Great imagery, "Golden robes of 'teacher' torn...clothed in blackened rags."
I'm not sure I understand "betrayed." In this age, wise parents will ask what went on in class, and hopefully the children will tell. I suspect you refer more to the adults involved, apparently not wise enough to ask relevant questions and help clear up the situation, instead of letting a whisper campaign undermine a dedicated teacher.
Powerful, beautiful conclusion "plow grave of sighs." And you are so right, He walks beside us in all our troubles, and is undeterred by the colors splashed upon our yoke. He knows our hearts and intentions. He will never forsake us, but is with us even to the end.
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"Betrayed" was an afterthought, put in for alliteration and because that's how I felt. I will rethink this poem once the contest is done, taking into consideration all of the helpful comments I received. Thanks so much for your generous comment!
Actually, I think you're right about betrayed. It's a distracting word that is not otherwise addressed in the poem. Good call!
"Scarlet" as in "Scarlet Letter" - public shame and embarrassment.
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Hi Joyce,
Your poem is incredibly touching and beautifully written. Technically there's nothing I can suggest at this point that my co-judges haven't covered...great use of white space, and you really know how to pull maximum emotion from each line. Great job.
I'm so sorry for the challenges you're facing that preceded this poem...you obviously have a strong relationship with God, so I have no doubts He's with you every step of the way as you deal with this. Hold your head high, and know how much He loves you. We all make mistakes or miscalculations under the best of intentions...the beauty of forgiveness is that it can be wiped away.
Thanks so much for sharing the poem and your experiences with us, and good luck to you. My scores will be in the final notes. Oh, and thanks also for commenting on so many of the other entries...it's so very appreciated.
Best Wishes,
~J.
Remember...no editing once a judge has commented, until after trophies are handed out.
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Thanks, Trista. Your comments are valued, your sympathy much appreciated.
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Hi there,
I found some very gorgeous phrasing in this piece and a ton of emotion. It made my heart weep for you. Phrases such as "plow graves of sighs" and "I yearned to mirror God's love". Just beautiful. The short lines and lack of punctuation did tend to make this a tad choppy meter wise, but I still found it beautifully wrought. My scores will reflect my thoughts on the individual areas of your write:
Title 10...I would click on this Title...I think the best title in the contest
Flow 9.75....meter is a little choppy due to some very short lines and lack of punctuation.
Depth 9.85....wonderful depth for such a short write....
Theme 9.70..great Theme could use more creativity here
Feelings 9.85...piece was weeping with emotion.
Grammar 9.85....nice job here
Presentation 9.85....very good presentation, but some punctuation would add to the read and it's appearance.
Uncommonness 9.35...nice....but looking for more creativity -
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.85...I did ponder, but more so about the writer's trials.
Ability to follow Rules 10...prefect from what I can tell -
Cupcrazy’s Score: 98.05
Great work!
No editing once a Judge has touched your work ~
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Thanks so much, Bunny! Your comments mean a lot to me, since I admire your work very much.
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Oh Sis! I am so sorry this happened, but please don't let it steal your joy. I have been told many times that some things happen to move us, or get us to a new place where we now need to be. It is a shame that our errors can be made worse by insensitivity. God definitely has a plan for you, and He decides where and when it will be. Hang in there. This is a very pain-filled write. All should be willing to stand up and say they made a mistake or misjudged something.
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Thanks so much Jeannie. I won't lie. This really stings.
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Hi there and welcome to Pom I will
say that I have not seen a write like this
on here before but
I never really searched them out
The only real thing that bothers
me about the poem is the line breaks
the way that it is placed that distracts me
as I feel that I have to search for the next line
But this is a well written piece
my score will appear
with my end notes
best wishes and much luck.
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Hello Joyce
First impression......you are Blessed and you have soooo much Favor from God....the MOST HIGH God......and He is going to promote you to a depth & heigth which is going to blow your mind !!~
Be ready to accept whatever blessing He gives you.....do not be afraid to humble yourself to the incredible blessing and Favor the Lord is sending your way ~
Be patient and listen to His voice......Glory!
....your write touched me deeply ~
Ok....for the statistics...
You may think your robes are burned and scorched.....but God has you draped in the most Golden and purest of robes in spirit......whew!....what a blesssign to have this entry!
I shall not be one-sided when I give my scores....I just had to share how I felt!
Glory!
Ok.....Flow....a tad choppy....as your few words in each line have no real meter....however, the Tone is what brought it all back into perspective.......for me ~
Yearning to mirror Gods love....oh my gosh....how beautiful that is to my soul
Not sure this is as Poetic as most writes....more informative....nonetheless....I so enjoyed this......so.....with all of this said....reach for your goals, dreams and desires....do not... NOT, allow this to hinder your Faith, nor allow it to humiliate your spirit......this event is a MAJOR stepping block to your next level of promotion from God himself
Do you recieve it!?
Amen!
Thank you for entering....and God bless you.....if you need prayer, you can reach us at..>>>>
http://allpoetry.com/group/show/Praise%20and%20Prayer
Good luck!
Bear ~
Title 9.5...I would click on this Title....wonder why?...hehe -
Flow 9.95..choppy indeed....yet penned in poetic tone -
Depth 9.6....good depth -
Theme 9.35..great Theme....justr falls short on the creative side.....only a tad though -
Feelings 10....personification is perfect -
Grammar 9.65....nice job....a tad choppy....watch out for short meters -
Presentation 10.......way to be creative! -
Uncommonness 9.35...nice....but looking for more creativity -
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.8...I did ponder, but more-so about your write itself -
Ability to follow Rules 10...prefect from what I can tell -
Bears Score: 97.2
Nice job Joyce
No editing once a Judge has touched your work !
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Thank you Bear. Your comment brings tears to my eyes. What happened really hurts. Thank you so much for your reassurance. God doesn't give us gifts then not allow us to use them. I learned a painful, valuable lesson from this, and am sorting out some options now.
Thanks for your prayers.
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Sadly,
I've been in your shoes before, for the very same thing. Unfortunately, it affected the rest of my family: my sister, my mother who were also teaching catechism were driven out because of my mistake.
Then there was life in the convent. One bad experience after another that haunted me. But I gave it to Him, to God, and said I did my best with what I had, even if it wasn't good enough, I had tried when others failed to put effort forth to try. It took a long time to get past my mistakes, to look beyond them to God whose mercy and love is greater than our mistakes.
Believe me, I feel your pain.
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Thanks so much for reading my poem and sharing your painful experience with me. I don't feel as alone.
Yes, his mercy and love is forever. I should pray for this boy and family, that God will heal them of the wrong I have done. -
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Yes, prayer is the only thing that will help
All of you to move on. It took years before I could. After that, I decided never to teach children again, let alone have any of my own. God grant you peace and healing.
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