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Cardboard Caution

Budweiser bottle cap schemes
take on bitter taste of doubt
on convenience store Sundays
with cleaning crews running late

There's a chip in the glass
fractured along conventional

and I forgot the box of wine

 

Collapsible slack is missing

from moon-phased Mondays

when internal janitors stand

ready on outdated pager recall

 

There's a chip in the glass
fractured along conventional

and I forgot the box of wine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Artist: John Mayer

Song: Belief

Lyric: "like punching underwater
you never can hit who you're tryin' for"

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Age of Rain
    October 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Playful and original. You brought the prompt to an entirely different level!


  • notorious gold member
    September 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    LMAO

    All my favorites are giving me a hard time where I am DYING to copy out stanzas.

    I love the beer-&-wine concept here...it's...bloody hilarious! Not to mention lots of fun to read...hehe.

    ...did you think of this while you were in the shitter? LMAO

    I loved "bitter taste of doubt" (how true that is--& plus, beer doesn't taste too nice) & "convenience store Sundays" is so WTF?! that it actually works SOOOO well! How wicked.

    "fractured along conventional" Oh my GOD...!!! I love that. But being conventional...is so overrated. Hehe.

    I love the word 'collapsible' & the way you used it...I've only used it once in a poem, & then I deleted the poem.

    "moon-phased Mondays" & "internal janitors"...OH MY GOD you're making me copy out lines...but at least I'm not copying out entire stanzas anymore, so that's "progress"...hehehe...you are so witty & wildly wicked & this is so wonderfully written. It makes me grin.

    How the hell did you get that from such a mundane prompt? Well, the prompt is mundane compared to this, anywho.

    The repetition of the stanza works too, though you made me look up to see if I was going blind.

    I am bookmarking this piece of fun.

    Jessica


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    September 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You always take a prompt and really make it your own!! I'd have never got something like this from that prompt.. fantastic!



  • SpydurPoet gold member
    September 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oooh. I like it. Very interesting. You did such a fantastic job with the prompt. Best of luck in the contest.
    Write on.
    ~*~SP~*~


  • Cannonsfire
    August 31, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wow I like the fact yours reads like a song bro...damn fine take on it.

1 - 6 of 6