The Fence.
Two people sat on a fence
To one side was a lake of fire
To the other was a cliff
Two old men sat on a fence
One said to the other
“were old, were gray,
we’ve lived, we’ve laughed,
we’ve had our day,
I don’t know about you,
But im tired of holding on,
Wouldn’t it just be nice to
Let go and have ourselves by
Death be clasped?”
The other man looked up and said,
“I see your point,
‘tis true, of joy and pride
in this life, we’ve been bled of.
But that doesn’t mean that
We cant still love.
If you’ve lost that,
Why do you still hold on
To the fence?
Gaining splinters by the pound
In each bony hand,
From which to protect
There is no glove?”
“I hold on because I love,
but not the way you would think.
I have lost all feelings for this world,
It does nothing for me.
But the one thing I still manage to feel
Is this stinging pain
I get from all these slivers.
They remind me of every good thing,
Before it ends with a downpour of rain.
And is wrenched away from me,
Like a madman who remembers
What it was like to be sane.”
“I guess you’re right in some ways”
said the other,
“and in others, your completely wrong,
let me tell you a story that may lift your spirits,
its got a funny ending and its-”
“I don’t wanna hear your story,
this old man has hosted too many a heartbreak,
too many birthdays, too many funerals,
and far far too few true love,
and just the same of-”
“no, you listen here, don’t be stupid,
whatever went wrong, it can be fixed!”
“whos to say it needs to be fixed?
In less than a minute,
Ill be nixed,
And the next old guy
Will fill my place and
End his life with the same old grimace.
Honestly, why get used to the pain?
Its still the same,
Its still pain.
After I jump,
I hope never to see any of this ever again.”
Theres no one sitting on the fence
To one side,
A man thrashes about drowning in fire,
To the other,
Another man,
Crying as he falls to what is every persons
Deep down desire.
Author notes
please comment. i cant say what i was thinking when i wrote this, but it was pretty abstract. just say anything. im not digging for points or whatever i get from comments, i just want to know people have read it and that my time isnt wasted writing this, and that if anyone pulls anything from this, id like to know ive done something <3
A contest entry
- round one; enter your best. by broken-colours.
600 points, ended December 12, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
ask anything, any comment is nice. hate it or love it, just let me know.
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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it's ok. u 've good point in it. I was attracted by the title.
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I think you have something here! It could use a bit of revision though. Parts of it seem a little awkward, but the stanza:
"Two old men sat on a fence
One said to the other
“were old, were gray,
we’ve lived, we’ve laughed,
we’ve had our day,
I don’t know about you,
But im tired of holding on"
seems perfect to me! I also enjoyed:
"And is wrenched away from me,
Like a madman who remembers
What it was like to be sane"
Overall great write!
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I thought it was nice, an observation on life and death, you wrote it well, and it seems that you knew what you were doing. I'm not a real fan of free form, but this kept my attention, keep writing.
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I really liked this! It was a thought provoking piece! very vivid imagery and a great choice of words used! Thanks so much for sharing and best wishes to you!
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i really liked this, at first i thought i wasnt going to get to the end of the first stanz but it really is quite interesting and thought provoking too,there are many, many interesting lines in this, very well done
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interesting
very ingteresting poem i like the abstractness of it all i hope you write more poetry like this i would read it!
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Very nice. I loved this a lot.
The few punctuation mistakes take away from the poem a bit. But it's still very good. I like the abstract, it suits it. Good luck in the contest and I really hope to read more poetry from you. I'll be back x
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89%
At first I thought I wasn't going to like this, but it grew on me and said a lot about human nature and the thought processes of different people. It's like one man was a pessimist and the other an optimist, trying to get his friend not to give up.
Were the two places on either side of the fence Heaven and Hell, or merely abstracts used in your poem?
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well 89% is better than my GPA... a lot better actually... so im happy with that
the two sides were... i dont believe in heaven OR hell, i dont believe in a good side or a bad side. there are right and wrong decisions, based on self-preservation, but other than that, nothing. the two sides really were just abstracts, or rather just the two options they found themselves presented with the course of action they had chosen to lead them to where they are. or were. whatever. abstract. yes. heaven and hell. no, but you might be able to bend it that way, sure.
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The analogy of the splinters is for me the centerpiece of your poem. Its not as abstract as you think. Just a visualization of a concept with a simple image that works very well on your thoughts. I think this a is a trully great poem and very deep.
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