They'll do it on purpose to fix a slight flaw,
the Doc's gonna break me, but won't break the law!
For six weeks I'll have to eat food through a straw,
can't believe that he's going to BREAK my Jaw!
When the surgery's over, the nurse will recall
though bruised and quite bloated, you don't look bad at all.
With the pain you are feeling and your jaw wired shut
Your thoughts for that nurse are,"Get away you old slut!"
And every time that you start to drift off into sleep
another damn nurse pokes and prods you like sheep.
And when the Doc checks on you, the last thing you recall
was when he grabbed your tender jaw, so you grabbed his tender ball.
No one will understand you as you try to make it known
You do not need an enema, you're sure you can go on your own.
But the nurse comes back with a "hiney-hose", you do not get your wish.
Cause they broke your freakin jaw and all you speak is gibberish.
Author notes
Written January 18th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Humorists needed! by ea.
300 points, ended March 30, 2006, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Okay got it. I'm glad you're excited about the project! : )
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Thanks Ea, I'll edit this so that each stanza is 4 lines again. Thanks for all the recognition. I'm sure I'll be buying a "few" books. LOL
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If you want to add a fourth line to the first stanza, let me know. This one is also going into the anthology. Congrats! Not only were you our winner in the original contest, I think you have the most poems going into the book, except for Billbard maybe.
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I had to shorten this a bit to get in under the 15-line limit, but it still makes me laugh out loud. I remember the first time I had surgery on my knee(age 15) and after the surgery the doctor asked if I had moved my bowels yet. When my Dad saw my confused expression, he just asked, "Did you SHIT yet?". I don't know who was more embarrassed, me or my Mom, but it's a story I'll never forget.
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Thanks for the encouragement - Having already gone through the surgery, I have the luxury of knowing that this all is pretty close to true
My only qualm, is the cussing within the poem, which I asked not to be there. Thank you for the laugh though
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