Dream of her so easy is
swallowed in my own desire
everything she gives to me
I love her, love her, love her.
In her garden I'd be gardener
in her night bed I'll be Sun
her household I'll be paint & cook
in our heart we will be One.
Yet here to dream all close as can
the worlds outside so cry
so easy here with her alive
while their weeks and months all die
and wrong am I to turn away
from tasks to worldly keep
yet mesmerised into slumber
every time I hear her sleep.
My afternoon kiss for her goodnight
always tries to take me along
a road of slumber deep entwined
the taking is so strong
across the continents I've not seen
to the bed in which she lay
yet my vision sees her clearly
because I simply feel this way.
In a list
A contest entry
- Anything you wish by thepoetssoul.
1000 points, ended September 7, 2008, 14 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Welcome any sincere response and critique
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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Whoa!
Silver uh? Seems to be gold to me. Nice, well written by a true poet. Such a muse is very worthy sounding.
A beautiful piece of poetry here.
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Excellent poetry. I loved the lilt and rhyme in this wonderful verse. I am so partial to rhyme when it is done well like yours is. Congratulations on a terrific poem. So very pleased to see a shiny trophy of recognition. Well done. ~Pamela
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Thank you so much for your generous words Pamela.
Sol
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I love this piece of poetry you so clearly have given life tooThe way your flowing words carry the reader is so soft and peacefulThe imagery and rhyme is most exellent indeed.This is brilliant work, and I'm so glad you have entered this contestBest of wishes to you.
Tony
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Thank you for your generous comment Tony and I'm much honoured to be given your silver.
Sol
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yes..a true and intimate lover has no choice axcept to love..and to describe it through out his life..and this is the beauty of this life as well..a loving task you did my friend...
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Excellent
It's always a pleasure to watch one's love(r) cradled in the peaceful realms of good sleep. Your poem is very intense, capable of lifting one to the world from where you look at her. A Song of Songs, I must say, of our times...Loved this very much!
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Way back when (ok, only about 4 or 5 years ago) my exlover used to let me watch him sleep on his webcam.
I'd fall asleep to that.
I think you'd get that.
Most thought it was weird..
but this poem suggests you understand.
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Yes, I understand that completely
As for the 'most'- it seems to me that many have watched hours and hours of people they don't even know sleeping, on that cheap and crap 'big brother' t.v. show... now that to me is not only weird but very sad. I'd rather watch my cat, if I still had one. For that matter even watching paint dry would be preferable because, from the little I've seen with my sister, it seems most of their candidates are so boring and predictable when awake, let alone when asleep.
So what's more weird, watching some moron you don't even know sleeping on cheap t.v. or watching over someone your in love with. I rest our case.
Excuse me rambling on, I admit that I 'don't like' that show which so many seem to find so riveting.
And I believe that the point is... that true sentiment gives everything its meaning.
Thank you
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Oh! You're putting ideas into my head!
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So Lovely
This is a moving piece , the love that was cultivated and to be loved
in such a way flowed so evenly well written , splendid !
Rend The Veil
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whoops forgot the applause! i can't say enough how much your words reach out to me! wish i could give you more applause than this!
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oh i wish someone loved me this much! "a road of slumber deep entwined" whomever this woman may be is the luckiest girl in the world, i may as lucky to find someone with as much passion and care as you feel towards her.
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oh i wish someone loved me this much! "a road of slumber deep entwined" whomever this woman may be is the luckiest girl in the world, i may as lucky to find someone with as much passion and care as you feel towards her.
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In a word, beautiful. Flows really well too.
Liked this alot.
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Thank you
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So I love you because I know no other way
than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep. -
Thank you. You're beautiful.
X
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X
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Sol
This is one beautiful piece of poetry sure to catch so good ladies heart. The splendor of love. words that only a poet could convey. Excellent write.
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since Gil has given the critique I will just simply say, your poetry is quite stunning. I love the way this flowed so smoothly from one stanza to the next. I give you three yellow bunnies and a Love, Lane
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x
thank you
Sol
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Beautiful.
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I don't like the capitalisations... they look odd??? just wondering why you've used them?? give me a good answer?? plus. you've missed an 'a' in front of gardener? as it doesn't read well, when spoken out loud... - sorry love... as beautfiul as this plea and afternoon kiss is..... you've lost me on some of the dislocated wording...
although, im sure Miss S will love love love this... as it is beautiful in its thoughts and deeds
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Much thanks you indispensable one.
... excuses later
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hehehhe .... whatever luv, but i'm still not a fan of capitalisation when it can look awkward in the stanza?? but hey ho, tis your choice for sure... but it is a beautifully worded piece
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Well you did make me think better of it... the only caps left are for 'Sun' and 'One' and this is because there is only one of each and they are therefore proper nouns.
Aren't they?
x
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well they are... but still they don't need to highlighted, as they do stand as their one.. but only sun is a proper noun luv...lololol
the One, and one and only is only a wee one.. hehehehhe but good try...
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