Mysterious monster, sleep deep inside me
Together forever, we are doomed to be
Dark dreary nightmare, who comes out in day
I shut my eyes tight, try to wish you away
As I pace in circles, Not sleeping at all
Sinister monster, I’m hearing your call!
In panic, I’m frozen. I can’t move or speak.
I can’t shut you out, I’m just far too weak.
Treacherous monster, who’s lurking inside,
Why did you laugh in my ears as I cried?
Holding onto me tight, your slimy embrace
You sick, ghostly monster, without any face…
Keep knocking me down, when I’m feeling faint
Cradle my soul in your darkened restraint
Drain all my colors, tell me I’m insane,
Strangle me tight so that I can’t feel pain
Murderous monster, this is getting old
The summer’s been ending and it’s getting cold
Time has been passing and you are still here
Won’t you please leave so my head can be clear?
Monster, I promise, you’ve had all your glory!
May we put an end, to this tragic story?
Invisible monster, who came from nowhere
Just tell me, be honest--- Are you really there?
Author notes
August 31, 2008... My doctor thinks I might have a psychosis of some sort and it bothers me a lot. I've been through a lot of stuff like hallucinations, severe depression, paranoia... This poem is basically what I feel like... an invisible monster is inside me and it won't come out. It's like a curse or something... but sometimes I feel like I'm overanalyzing and I'm really not crazy... like maybe worrying about becoming crazy is the thing that MADE me crazy... That's where the last lines come from.
A contest entry
- ANYTHING GO'S EVERYONE WELCOME by Stormy Days.
450 points, ended October 16, 2008, 34 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - GOT GOLD? Calling all single silvers..... by Paloszoo.
700 points, ended November 13, 2008, 41 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
PLEASE be HONEST when commenting my writing. Tell me I SUCK, if that's what you think.
Comments
1 - 49 of 49
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this was amazing.
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This struck me as very well composed. Very uniform and, not to be mean, but typical. I've seen this in a few movies a few times, and read it in quite a few books. You did very well penning it. It is in fact a great poem. But I just don't think it's exactly what I was looking for in this contest. Thanks for entering and I wish you the best of luck.
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I see I may have stumbled across a master of rhyming couplets lol. Another fantastic poem here and a well deserved Silver and HM trophy. Good luck in the contest.
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Hahahha, yeah I love writing in rhyme! I do other patterns sometimes, but couplets have always been my favorite.
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They have always been my favourite too. Keep writing them, cause I'm sure I could learn alot from you xx
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ooooops
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Wickedly honest and emotional! Can appreciate it a great deal! Thanks for entering my contest. I'm honored to have you share your work here. Good luck!
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Woah, this is really stunning. I love the imagery here and the way I could get inside of your head. The rhyme was flawless. Thanks so much for entering, best of luck!
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this is.....amazing. Sorry you are fighting this internal battle but I love how you explained it.
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No Way you DONT suck!! I think this is amazingly written, such imagery and I can feel your pain...as for the invisable monster I have felt it there many times...with eating disorders ana and mia they scream at me like demons inside my brain and Try to get me to fail the recovery...some of this is psychosis and you are NOT crazy!! I hate that word crazy...snap yourself out of saying that lol
I really do love your poem, i can feel the intesity building as i read it and it just draws you in...so much of which I can empathise ...I hope you find peace with this monster xx
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wow
wow, amazing; and particularly the explanation tthat i certainly wasn't expecting at the end
<-- leaves me at a little for loss as to what to say really ....
the way you expressed yourself here is amazing. truly, honestly, totally.
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pretty good write!!!
listen! 'crazy' is a state of minds. ok? (speaking for myself, of course) people like us, are our own nightmare's. we are our OWN NIGHTMARE!!! and that ghostly monster you see, is YOU! but pray EVERY night, that you become a better person. i do... i like the way you put this poem together! you don't always have to rhyme. just say what you feel. stop worring what everybody eles thinks! ok? write what you feel! that is what makes a writer! GOOD WRITE!!! you did good here. love gypsyfish
IT DON'T SUCK!!! ok?
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amazing
wow. wow doesnt seem to serve it well enough but thats all i can think to say. well done ;]
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One word: brilliant! I love it, and I can also relate. First stanza is my fav. Great flow and great write. Xds-gX
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This is a good look at human nature. We ALL have a monster, just some try not to aknowledge it, which can be dangerous. It will sleep and lurk and then come out when you least expect it to. I think it's far more better to be at one with who you are, no matter how much your brain tries to tell you that you are crazy and you shouldn't be that way. And yes, I think you can worry yourself too much with just the actual thought of going crazy. Just relax, accept you for who you are, love you most of all, and don't let anyone tell you anything different. You are the most important person alive. Don't beat yourself up.
As for the actual poem, I think you did a REALLY good job of portraying that monster inside each of us. How we do wish it would go away, yet we know that there is a dark side that wants a voice too. Well written
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this is really good, it flows wonderfully
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You're not "crazy" and you don't suck!
I loved your poem and believe me I can totally relate. I was diagnosed with schizo affective disorder with bi-polar type II. The monster inside is real and you are not alone. Keep writitng it has helped me tremendously.
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Oh my gosh, this is such an amazing poem! It is great how many people can relate to it, you wrote it in such a way that it can be related to basically any personal problem, as I was reading it I related it it cutting. You are very talented and I look forward to reading more of your work.
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i can relate really well to your peom. i was in the hospital for a suicide attempt and my doctor would throw words out and ask me questions that made me feel like i did something wrong. worrying about beging crazy is hard but if you really were crazy you wouldnt worry about it so much you wouldnt be able to write poetry about it you would think nothing is wrong with you it's easier to forget what the doctors say and just think what you want about yoursel
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EXCELLENT!!!! This is so well written!!! EACH STANZA AND EVERY WORD IS PERFECT!!!!! I especially like the second stanza. Treacherous monster, Who's lurking inside, why did you laugh in my ears as I cried? Holding onto me tight, your slimy embrace you sick, ghostly monster, without any face... keep knocking me down, when I'm feeling faint cradle my soul in your darkened restraint Drain all my colors, tell me I'm insane, Strangle me tight so that I can't feel pain!!! AWESOME WORD CHOICE!!! I LOVE IT!!!!!! ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
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Wow, this is really good. It's been a while since i read something filled with so muc emotion.
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This is a good poem I like it alot. you put a lot of detail into it.
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I think we all have monsters within ourselves;
some of us realize it and the monster awakens.
Thank you for entering ♥
-rainbow. -
this is an interesting view of life and very good depeciton amazing word choice its vivid and amazing
Thanks For Entering
~Mystal~ -
I LOVE IT! It's very honest and pscyhological. Everyone has their own invisible monster.
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this is an amazing poem i could never evr in my life time make a poem as good as this it sounds so real yet so true every1 has a monster or darkside in them and this poem duz not suck i am 100% sure u will win the contest if u haven already great job
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Hi there, and welcome to the POM
It looks like you've penned a poem that many will relate to...and sometimes I think that is the best part of poetry ~ how it reaches out, touches your soul, and brings people together. Do that, and you have a winner no matter what the numbers in any contest say. 
Okay, I enjoyed this a lot. I honestly feel my co-judges have covered the technical aspects of the poem very well. I'm not sure there's a lot more I can add on that note, so just a few random thoughts I have or things I noticed...
Ah,
there is one thing my co-judges didn't catch...and that's a rule violation of capping the beginning of every line. Since so many of your lines are complete thoughts or sentences, I almost didn't catch it myself. It's really a matter of personal preference whether you do that or not...but it's definitely frowned on in the PO contests...and in MO it often interferes with flow and can hinder clarity depending on how much punctuation is used in a poem. I hope you'll be joining us again, so be sure and keep it in mind for next time.
Your meter and flow are very good in this. I thought at first you'd followed a strict syllable count, but looking closer I see it does vary slightly, so I'm guessing you went more by how it sounded to your ear. If so...it's a skill many poets struggle to master, while others seem to be born with an ear for it. Just be aware of it and I think you'll find the flow of your poems gets even better.
Not much more I can think of, so I think I'll let my scoreboard speak the rest. It'll be in with the final contest notes. Thanks so much for sharing your talents with us, and good luck not just in the contest, but with all the problems you're having. Keep writing (it's good "therapy" for everyone ) and stay on top of your treatment. Modern medicine is amazing, and can do so much more for people now than it could years ago...I had an uncle who suffered from mental illness...sadly, by the time he got help, a lot of damage had already been done. 
I have a feeling you're going to be just fine though, and if you don't mind I'd like to add you to my personal prayer list.
Good Luck and Best Wishes,
~J.
Remember...no editing once a judge has commented, until after trophies are handed out.
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This is really good good
Everybody has skeletons in thier closets,
but not all admits to it, this was just brutal honesty.
Thanks for sharing
Ken
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Great imagery, rhyme and rhythm to this piece. Communicates your fear and desperation very well.
Again, as mentioned before, seek the help of a good psychiatrist and therapist - NOW! Promise?
"May we put an end, to this tragic story?"
I don't think this line needs a comma.
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Hi there,
A lovely piece filled with the depth of your emotion. I found the title a tad too common so something else I thing is need to draw the reader in. Your flow was good, the rhyme simplistic, but overall this was a nice read, not terribly uncommon in theme, but uniquely written. The personification was excellent, but it did tend to fall more towards the story genre instead of being purely poetic.
My scores will reflect my other thoughts on your piece:
Title 9.5...I wouldn't click on this Title...didn't entice me enough.
Flow 9.75....was lovely just watch the poetic tone more.
Depth 9.75....rarely good depth
Theme 9.65..not an uncommon Theme....read similiar, but your approach is unique.
Feelings 9.85...wonderful emotion...tangibly felt
Grammar 9.6....nice job..simplistic but effective. The rhyme was a tad elementary. A little more creativity with the rhyme and word usage would enhance this piece.
Presentation 9.65....not too bad, watch your line lengths.
Uncommonness 9.45...nice....but looking for more creativity -
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.7...I did ponder, but more-so about the writer herself and the trials she was enduring.
Ability to follow Rules 10...prefect from what I can tell -
Cupcrazy’s Score: 96.9
Nice!
No editing once a Judge has touched your work ~
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Hi and welcome to the Pom
First off I want to let you know
that I can relate to this
as I am going through the
same thing right now
and for me it is scarey
because I do not understand my feelings
and they all seem to come at me
at once and it makes me feel like
I am drowning inside myself
so on a personal level this
poem describes me and where I am
at in my life and it seems that we share
about the same feelings and trying to get
a hold of them before they destroy us
Nice job here with this piece
my score will appear
with my end notes
best wishes and much luck.
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Hello
The first impression I have.....is....common Theme....not creative, as this Theme has been written sooo many times ~
However..........aside from your forced rhyme, this is exceptional penning ~
You took a Theme/Topic/ Subject, which is over-written, and placed your own personal touch to it, making it powerful and insightful........and touching ~
There are many areas I would cut back on some of your lines, as it becomed wordy and reads almost Prose'....nonetheless, you did it so well, I did not really have an issue with it the first time around ~
After I read it a couple of times, I can see many areas which could use some trimming.....but....not much ~
Another solid entry in this contest....I am impressed......but....next time, watch out for those long lines........or......pen the next as beautfuil as this, and you shall recieve another nice score...I'm sure ~
Thank you for entering.....and.....as CaliOkie mentioned....Treat It Now!
God bless you,
Bear ~
If you ever desire prayer, we are open to all Prayer Requests..>>>>
http://allpoetry.com/group/show/Praise%20and%20Prayer
Title 9.5...I would not want to click on this Title unless I wanted to read about this genre...but I think I would have snuck a peek
-Flow 9.75..beautifully penned....just try to keep that poetic tone -
Depth 9.8....good depth.-
Theme 9.1...a tad common...yet powerful -
Feelings 10....personification is perfect -
Grammar 9.75....nice job...beautiful as I said already....but.....wordy -
Presentation 9.45...I have a problem with long stanzas...but not bad -
Uncommonness 9.1..looking for more creativity -
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.8...I did ponder, but more-so about your write itself -
Ability to follow Rules 10...prefect from what I can tell -
Bears Score: 96.25
A great score
No editing once a Judge has touched your work ~
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Very Good. =)
Nothing else said.
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Excellent write. I like the way you personalized the "invisible monster" and turned it into a being separate from yourself.
Keep in mind that if it turns out you have a mental disorder, it is just that -- a dysfunction of certain brain functions. That is a very frightening concept, but it is important to realize that it is not something you caused to happen and it is not truly a monster that can devour you. It is a disorder. It can be treated.
Also, keep in mind that it is difficult to diagnose mental disorders -- and even more difficult to distinguish long term disorders from short term responses to stress, etc. Under stress, perfectly "normal" people have all sorts unusual experiences and may have a lot of symptoms that are troubling to others.
One thing I am sure of, it is better to write about your feelings, discuss them with others you trust, and explore what is going on with you than to keep it bottled up. In fact, unlike what we see in the movies, you can't really make yourself go "crazy." But, you can put yourself under a lot of stress and that can make everything seem worse, and trying to avoid the subject is really more stressful than dealing with it.
Also, whatever it is that is happening with you, take the advice of your doctor and treat it. TREAT IT, TREAT IT, TREAT IT. (I can't say that enough.) How well you treat this now may have a lot to do with how well you are doing five or ten years from now.
Good luck to you.
Again, an excellent write.
Garrison
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Thank you a lot for your advise and input! I like it when people say more than "oh it was good" or something like that... I have been taking meds for it and I'm planning on staying on the ones that work.
: )
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Thats a hell cool poem! I like the idea of a monster inside you....bit of a bugger bout the psychosis thing eh....but at least you wrote an awesome poem bout it
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Very well written. I love the rhyming, and the stanzas. I can relate to this on some point. keep up the good work!
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great write
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That's absolutely amazing!"!
Loving the twist at the end... and the rhyming rules!
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Great!
Oh my god, I can totally relate to this. Everyone in my family, and all my therapists and stuff think I'm crazy or on drugs, but I feel the same way. I feel like I have ghosts and demons locked inside of me. I try to let it out but, when I do it seems like it gets bigger and bigger. I don't think I'm crazy and I don't think you are either. Great poem.
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Excellent
I can so relate to this writing. I have the same kind of fears and feelings, myself. The only consolation I have is the idea, if you feel you may be going crazy...then your mind is still there to know that you are not! Fantastic write! Take care,
Dena
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Extremely well defined explanation of the terrors of a mindless state brought on by a psychosis. It always seems as though something is gripping you. And the part about how the monster laughs at you sounds to familiar in my own life. Well written poem with much emotion throughout. I thought it was an excellent portrayal.
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this poem is amazing, really, it's really good. i hope that you'll be able to quiet the monster one day!
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Wow, this is pretty deep and frightening!
It's a terrible feeling to have something
like that lurking deep inside of you.
The say a lot of it is all in the mind.
I hope that someday you are able to beat
this and find yourself in a new world of
joy and tranquility! This is a very
interesting write and I really enjoyed
reading it. Thanks a lot for sharing it
with us all here and good luck to you in
this contest!
Jeremy0826 -
Depression is a serious business and the power of it becomes apparent as i read down this dark distressing write. I have been there myself and i know what you are going through. A lot of it will be connected to self doubt which could be brought on by many things. Its like your guard was down and the devil slipped inside while you werent looking. Good news is he can be made to leave Great heartfelt poem best of luck with this
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Wonderous
WOW. this is really good. It's really creepy and malicious in a way. Excellent.
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This is really good. I can feel the frustration and the wonder of being who you are.
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Powerful sad, dark poem!
You really let your feelings, fears and emotions out here, my dear! I like this poem and it shows you seem to be in touch with what seems to be bothering you. Best of luck and this is a well written poem -- keep up the good work!
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This is a great and well written poem! Good Job I love it!
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