I hold my stomach
Oh i cry
miss my baby
that has died
i can hear her voice
say her name
In my dreams
that drive me insane
still think of her every day
cry at night
filled to the brim with pain
without her in sight
Never born
never was
poor rape baby
lost just because
i wish you were here
mommy wants you
how to let go
what can i do?
I feel so empty
childless, confused
without my baby
bred from abuse
I see a child
i start to tear up
thinking of life
and all that's fucked up
i want a baby
some say i'm too young
some say my life
has barely begun
some say i'm stupid
that i haven't a clue
how do they expect me
to live without you?
They've never loved
and lost
held their stomach
and think of the cost
I fear sex
but i'd do it for a child
to fill the whole inside
that grows all the while
no one understands
the darkness inside
spawned by a rape
and a child that died
what can i do
to fix myself again
when i haven't a clue
a love or a friend?
tell me i can
tell me you believe
tell me i'm not crazy
for being ready to conceive
tell me that it's normal
to feel the pain i feel
that torments me daily
making my heart ill
Am i really all that stupid
for wanting what i want?
when i've planned it all out,
given it a lot of thought?
tell me what to do,
make the feeling stop
before i go insane
and dead, i drop...
Author notes
well, my sadness for the day.
A contest entry
- Finally Someone To Talk To by storiesuntold.
450 points, ended September 2, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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*Hugs* ;_;
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Oh honey my heart feels your pain
First I dont know how old you are and or how far along you were before the child went to heaven . I know many people including my Mom had lost their first child well actually she had lost two one was a twin and her heart was left empty for a while . The only thing I can tell you though is unless you can take care of yourself and not have to depend on others to live its best you wait to have another child . For when you become a mother again you want to be the best MOM you can be and see that your child gets the very best care . I am so sorry about the rape and then the loss of your child but we dont have any control over things of that nature .But we do have control on the future from this day on to make sure all is ready and you are grown up enough to be the Mom you say you want to be . For the next few years work hard at preparing yourself for that new precious baby finnish school and get yourself a really good job and a place of your own. Have a car to get to the DR, and back and to the store and then you will be prepared to raise a dweet baby that would grow up to be proud of her Mom . Talk to me anytime honey and know you are loved dearly Iwill always be here if you need to talk anyitme love Patty .PS I was in a head on collision on my first year of marriage hit by a drunk driver and from that he took my futue family away for it made me where I couldnt ever have children .But over the years I have found young people like yourself is where all my love is directed to and to help you understand and stay safe love Patty
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wow this is very deep and so well written!! i have no idea what you were saying when you said that your poems were to hard to understand this poem is very clear!! although i hope this is not true!!
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awwwww...this is very sad, and emotional. wonderful write, and hope this inst personal *hugs*
Stephaie ♥
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