Sometimes a lost future is all that I see.
I’m unable to overlook my dark past.
Deep self-loathing has been etched inside of me;
I am disheartened that the die has been cast.
Good times are mirages that evaporate;
Ephemeral wisps that quickly twist away
With glares from strangers and murky looks of hate;
A foreshadow of the pain of yesterday.
I’m a diseased animal culled from the herd
Driven to exile by good men’s curses.
The damage that I’ve done makes it seem absurd
To type these few tangled, whining verses.
Author notes
Word Bank #2: disheartened, etch, mirage, away, foreshadow, murky, damage, tangle, cull, overlook
Photo Credit: http://howtosmile.wordpress.com
A contest entry
- A few word banks.. by kimberlee meredith.
450 points, ended September 8, 2008, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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Excellent
Wow, most unique write. Imagery, rhythm and rhyme are just fine. Thanks for sharing this one with us. Again, well done.
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Thanks. I am glad you enjoyed it. It is one that I was happy with when I finished. Your comments are always much appreciated.
Mike
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You are quite welcome.
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This is good, I wasn't quite sure from the title. But from the first line, I was hooked.
"A foreshadow of the pain of yesterday."
--This is an awesome line, pain doesn't seem to keep time..
I enjoyed it, thanks for entering!
Good luck!!
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Thanks for reading and commenting. I enjoyed the opportunity to participate in your contest. When I occaisionally write these types of thoughts down they are not pretty. And I do get to feeling like a diseased animal culled from the herd. Hence the title.
Mike
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Excellent use of a wordbank to produce sad and thoughtful poetry.
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Thank you for reading and commenting. I have not been at this long. The wordbanks seem to draw the poems from me.
Mike
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good
this is very good work. I like it alot. I enjoyed reading this very much. I give it **** and half stars out of 5. Keep up the good work.
~A-Dog~
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I am glad you enjoyed the poem. Thank you very much for reading and commenting. It is much appreciated.
Mike
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Astounding work from a wordbank
It just seemed to be so intensely written, from a very remorseful core
Sometimes the soul amazes itself, not so? Perhaps the poem was meant for some reader who can relate, and needed to feel not so alone in a cold world.
Well written, Mike ... good luck in this contest.
Thank you so much for reading my work. I truly appreciate it.
Love
Myra
Ps I thoroughly enjoyed the verse on your Author page. Thank you for the smile it instigated.
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Thank you for reading and commenting. It is amazing to see what flows out of a word bank prompt. I am glad you enjoyed the poem on my author page as well. It is dedicated to my muse who encourages me regularly.
Mike
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Oh my goodness
this was awesome, but dude, your far from a dieased animal, your a kind, loving and decent wonderful man.
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Thanks for reading and commenting. I am disease free for the moment.
. I was not even feeling bad when I wrote this, but wordbanks seem to bring out things from deep inside.
Mike
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Good times are mirages that evaporate;
Ephemeral wisps that quickly twist away
a lot of power and emotions in such few words. As happy as people seem to be, i think at some point we all face this, a time when all we see is a lost future. You are an excellent writer and have a nack at understanding and conveying human emotion. this was a great write.! -
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Thanks for taking the time to read and comment on my work. It is much appreciated. I am glad you enjoyed it.
Mike
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You are definitely NOT a diseased animal my dear friend. You are human just like the rest of us..We all make mistakes we wish we could undo. But life is what it is. I love your write though, it's written so well. Best of luck!
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Every day I must step bolder
I see the culler oe'r my shoulder....
Mike
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"Sometimes a lost future is all that I see" has got to be one of the most chilling first lines I have ever come across.
You manage, expertly, to strangle the reader's hope with the inexorable tumble into the finale:
"(it) makes it seem absurd
To type these few tangled, whining verses". - Two lines of exquisite despair.
The clever use of opposites: "lost future" and "foreshadowing...yesterday" compounds the uneasiness of the poem.
An excellent brush with darkness.
Congratulations - and good luck with the contest!
p
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Thank you for reading and commenting. Occasionally I write a poem that I am happier about than others. This is one of those.
Unfortunately, mostly no one gets them. Your encouragement is appreciated.
Mike
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