Heartbeat of time
The world is bright and young
with the irrational rhythm
sung and unsung
ears listening to song from which music is stolen
and often wordless at rendition
the night is long and endless
blooming uncertainty
eyes open to sights disappearing in shadows
dawn, slow coming
splashing drops resonating tragedies
with occasional farce, thrusting in comedies
dews reflecting vanished birthdays’ wish, wonder and whims
fading thoughts of dislocated laughter
reality echoing thwarted hopes
emptiness mocking with a painted face of colorless hues
smell of burnt illusion
forgetting on meditation
and
the heartbeat of time lost in the twilight
the earth is green and frothy
waking into
a dream…
…and ripples of laughter
A contest entry
- music: poetry of the air by Nicolette.
1500 points, ended September 7, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Not for the Weak. (Six for luck!) by Curious LiLi.
452 points, ended October 13, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make this THE largest Contest EVER on AP [enter, enter, enter!] by Symphony.
18000 points, ended April 28, 1012 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Wow what beautifully expressive imagery what amazingly portrayed emotions studded with appropriate metaphors.The poem was a joy to behold with tendrness and poignance blending with sincerity and honesty and also pathos.Like a symphony of light and shadows,smiles and tears, black and white. The images painted with bold expressions through lucid and colourful words remains alive as a cherished memory in the soul forever more.Thanks for sharing,take care, god bless.Keep on sharing verse and oppinions always...
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Yes indeed, even among life's chaos, there is beauty...
Happy Holidays
Hugs...Eddy
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What a beautiful poem.....I loved imagery you created here. Bravo!
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Awesome write
This truly brought out thoughts of ones who over time feels they are drowning within their own sea of sorrows and fears
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I'm going to be 100% honest with you. This poem, as I was reading it, I noticed that it was brilliantly decorated with descriptive words leading to vivid imagery, for example, I could see the green and frothy earth; it brought to mind a field of poppies, like the one in the Wizard of Oz; lush and inviting, and highly comfortable.
I could hear the splashing drops, and almost taste water on my tongue, as though walking in the rain and sticking out your tongue to capture the rainwater. It was wonderfully alive in this manner, and I have no criticism to offer for it.
But, with that said, it just wasn't my type of poetry; this is purely a personal thing. Free verse is very rarely to my preference, and I think this was just a litle too free, too rambling almost for me. But, that is in no way criticising your way of writing, I truly hope you don't take it that way, for it's not - it just wasn't me, if that makes sense
But I thank you for entering!
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You didn’t use a certain structure to write your poem, I think this is the very reason your poem is intriguing and exceptionally deep/ a sophisticated well placed set of words made your write stronger with powerful emotions. I really think you pulled an amazing write with genuine thoughts and a very unique style of writing.
I disagree with some of the comments I read, not following literature or poetic concepts is always a risk, but it’s a risk worth taking when the final result is a true heartfelt work of art, such as your poem.
It’s an inspiration to read your poem, I really enjoyed it!
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This had some very interesting vobaculary, but it lacked structure. Also, it didn't catch my attention, which made it difficult to read.
Thanks for entering! -
Check over the rules before we judge this
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An interesting poem this is. I've found in this almost two voices: the first and closing stanzas seem to be on a more positive note/rhythm, more alive while the body of the poem leans towards darker music... things lost....almost contradicting the "frothy, green rhythm" of the first and last stanzas. But, having said that, that is the essence of our times, the ebb and the flow of life, nature, music, etc. I liked "dislocated laughter" - such a vivid image that is. Nicely done - thank you for this entry.
~ Nicolette
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Splashing, frothy, rhythm
The earth is green and frothy
waking into
a dream...
I like the irrational beat, and the splashing drops.
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