I slewed into your arc,
shattered ambits personality
like a fist wrapped in pillow talk,
player cried from its corner
a melody of sensuality,
melded to cries of denial.
A negative of positive acceptance
draped Dali-like across twisted sheets;
forlorn rag doll.
Each touch, desperation infused
confirming life,
but I was tepid, not hot enough to sear
the tears across this illusion,
and like a whisper in a maelstrom.. ..I was unheard.
Author notes
Fug-azi
Amaranthine Lover
A contest entry
- Invite Only! by Age of Rain.
1750 points, ended September 11, 2008, 16 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best Prewrites From August 2008 by amaranthine lover.
2450 points, ended October 8, 2008, 30 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Gold I by Salty Hibiscus.
400 points, ended February 19, 24 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Critique Requested
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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you have a beautiful quill. thanks for sharing.
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this was a great piece
splendid word choice
congrats on the gold
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Awesome piece!
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Very strong imagery...this is wonderful and very creative...lovely imagery and flow...I found the ending to be very sad and wonderful...
congrat's on the Bronze!
mystic
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"like a fist wrapped in pillow talk"
I adore that line.
I really like your images in here as a whole though, not just that line (though that line stood out particularly to me). The ending is simple, yet so strong. Mhm, very good.
Congrats on bronze
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This had a strong start that built into a crescendo. The ending was startling, even in its simplicity. Gorgeous work!
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This gets better ...
as it goes on, but you need to fix the typo here:
melded too cries of denial. (melded to cries of denial)
otherwise, good job.
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1 - 7 of 7
