Though restless sun
will never reach her trembling pinnacle
nor find the bath of evening,
I am yet planted at this gray, gray shore
where thirst stretches rooted tongues
deeper
seeking solace, water table, answer.
For here have I tasted my life's
one
great love--
fire that ravaged flesh,
smoldering skin with savage scar,
forceful strike
that stole breath and bruised ivory,
piercing blade
dividing want from will,
. . . a smooth, slow sip,
fermenting sweeter, sweeter.
Though limbs may not embrace the wind,
leaves find their green,
nor blossom burst in joy,
this shore will ever hold
my roots, my heart, my thought,
and I will grow in girth
though flourish
never.
Author notes
my anti-thesis to the prompt:
If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.
Pablo Neruda
In a list
A contest entry
- Invite Only! For Those I Consider Some Of The Best Writers On The Site ! by Cupcrazy.
3500 points, ended September 18, 2008, 17 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best Four in a Series by ea.
400 points, ended August 3, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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I wouldn't bet on that.
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full of passion and yearning thwarted.
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since you haven't written anything new..I though i thought I'll stop by one of your older poems.. this is a bit different from the other poems I've read from you...but I really like it..i think you did a great job with the pauses here..the flow of this reads really well..and it's simpler than the last two I've read from you..the lines are easier to follow and there's this gentleness that I can't quite place...but yeah..wonderful write..and a late congrat on a well deserve gold
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A BEAUTIFUL PIECE
A wonderouse piece you have here, very interestingly put. You can see your wisdom in this write my friend. Well done. Peace be with you.
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WOW! That was as awesome as ever!! Love especially the last line..its so subtle and touching!! No wonder it won gold!! I loved your vivid and mysterious imagery! Wow!! I have missed reading poetry!! Great work and congrats...
luv..pri
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awesome
absolutely deserving of gold!! wow, you have 'WOW'D' me again.
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Stunning write and rightfully gold! How evocative, deep...so tht I knwo how wild and wandering my own roots have been and will be yet!
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This was beautifully written
and by the end left me feeling like
I had just been dumped.
Congrats.
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congratulations - beautiful
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Hey Ten I would have replied a long time ago on this piece but, well I did'nt get it till now for whatever reason I read and re-read but nothing clicked and I would never comment on anything I did not think I understood. So anyways I woke up this morning and Shazaam! (did I just say Shazaam?) I got it! Ten this is brilliant!
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Beautiful, and more than deserving. Took my breath away.
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Brilliant!
This piece is one of the best I have read, and has such language, imagery and metaphor that I was left
wishing the poem would not end...and the emotion which is always the clincher for me, was amazing...
Bravo
TY for entering!
Lynda
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There is sadness in this piece, it fills the hollow beneath each limb, clinging to vines whipped white with the cold of age and acceptance, turning with tears to color the green of youthful beauty and optimism. And through all the seasons there remains the wind of hope, that love will bluster and grow, be caressed on gentle breezes and even when buried below the depressing sands of loss, fear and change, the roots will tenaciously cling, sustained always by our own fertile human need for love and companionship. A wonderful piece and a beautiful take on the prompt.
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This is original, antithesis, very nice. I like where you took this prompt. I love the way you used images from the prompt poem and weaved them into a new meaning, a kind of response matching the tone of the original prompt.
But I must say that this is all Ten. The beauty of imagery and language and perfection of line/stanza breaks exceeds that of the original prompt I think. This is really beautiful and quite sad. There is a deep since of loss expressed here though it seems implied. The reader is left to wonder about the circumstances surrounding the loss yet can't help but be awash in the emotion of it.
This is a Perfect TEN I think, original, beautiful, and deeply emotional.
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your talent for painting words rather than simply writing them down is awesome. It is always such a pleasure to sit back and read you, my friend Love, Lane
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I like the reverse on the theme.
Good luck in the contest!
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this is stunning and more than did the prompt justice
I loved the use of repetition, it seemed to allow me to sink into the piece. For some reason I kept thinking cypress ....swelling in the swamp
simply put...I loved it
best wishes
peace and hugs
Muddy
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So bleak and lonely, and yet life remains, solidly rooted, continuing to grow... such a sadly beautiful and thought-provoking write, and what a punch of an ending!
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I think you have put something into this poem that many might not see...how we grow from the experience of the love we create in our lives; i think it becomes part of who we are...who we become... excellent, thoughtful depth here...PK
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Powerful sentiments swept-up and seeming to escalate
at the end with sorrow's revelation. Stunning to say the least as the reader must return and begin again,
rereading and absorbing each nuance of emotion. Blue
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Stunningly evocative, as always, my dear pen friend.
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There must be something special in the Kentucky water because you have reached down and brought up another beautiful, meaningful and graceful poem. The last lines, "and I will grow in girth though flourish never" are so descriptive and sad and a fitting ending to a image-filled write. I salute your talent and am so grateful to be able to read your words. Liz
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that is one awesome write!!! loved it!!!!!!
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I wish I knew how to write like this. It's beautiful.
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WOW!!!
I feel inspired and intimidated at the same time to try and write anything to go deeper than this
Beautiful and amazing
Lynda
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This is an amazing glance at truth...for it is dreams that fly in starry sky, hope love will saor with shadow...but root will weave in earthen darkness...deep and true to cling in stands of soulful fingers, until the sun calls forth in flower...
this is amazing, ten...and in my eyes it deserves eleven
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Excellent___
10,000 Cicadas / You are now my favorite site poet. I may not always comprehend your intent / I love the way you say it. Hoping you do not become an insurance broker / because I'd buy it.
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