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Hide And Seek

Missing image

  The boy crouches in his place,
    Waiting to be found
  Completely without movement

    Totally free of sound
  He expects his parents to call -
    The air should vibrate with his name
  They wouldn't stop searching, would they?
    That would simply ruin the game.
  
  But it feels as though
    He's been waiting for hours;
  His hope is wilting
    Like the untended flowers
  In the garden where he waits,
    Waits for Mum and Dad to come

  The sun has set, the grass is wet,
    His entire body numb.
  
  He's getting sick of waiting -
    His hiding spot's too great
  If his parents finally find him,
    They'll surely be too late
  So he searches for the energy
    To take himself inside
  Though he knows he doesn't have it;
    To the grass, his feet are tied.
  
  It's getting awfully cold
    He is frozen amongst the violets
  That will make a pretty grave
    If all stays still and silent
  Yet that is what he chooses
    For the other option fills him with dread,
  Surely it's easier to let yourself die
    Than to live on when your parents are dead.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

The photo is the property of Daniele Muscetta --
http://flickr.com/photos/dani3l3/214252279/

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Comments

1 - 52 of 52
  • A really touching and moving tale with a very unexpected conclusion. Best of luck in my contest, and thanks for entering this excellent poem.


    • KyleBerg gold member
      April 30
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for the kind words.
      I was a bit worried that you wouldn't count Hide & Seek as a home-game, but you didn't remove my poem, so i guess I didn't need to worry ^_^


  • stella187
    April 29

    Edit | Reply
    I didn't think the parents were really dead. When I read it I thought that is just what the boy was feeling must have happened. If they are really dead then that makes it very sad and I could not bear to think that.

    Very well written and very moving.

    Good luck in the contest.

    Jenny

    • KyleBerg gold member
      April 29
      Edit | Reply
      Like many of my writes, I left this open for different interpretations; none right, none wrong =)
      Thank you for commenting.

  • piccola silver member
    January 19

    Edit | Reply
    kind or reminds me of "Captain My Captain" in the sense of calling out to someone that doesn't or can't come ... in that case it is his dad who is dead. I read this with interest thank you for entering

    • KyleBerg gold member
      January 19
      Edit | Reply
      I'm glad it interested you
      And I am most grateful that you found the time to comment, despite sickness.

      Thank you


  • Samantha-x
    January 16

    Edit | Reply

    Aw...

    That's touching. I thought that maybe he felt unloved, and then to find out that his parents were dead... Really quite sad. But a great poem, nonetheless.


    • KyleBerg gold member
      January 16
      Edit | Reply
      It's good that you were moved by my poem.
      Thanks for the kind comment


  • TabbyCat
    November 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    oh...the twist at the end is so very sad...and also very good. Well done.


  • PrabhuDayal Khattar silver member
    October 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Humm..this is something very thought provoking and quite an intriguing concept though can relate with the readers as well..impressive work indeed...


    • KyleBerg gold member
      October 26, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment..
      I appreciate it =)


  • GradCupcake1-16-09
    October 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    oh wow

    that was very sad...but it does talk about the innocennce of a child and how they cant really know any better...it makes you wonder sometimes...i really wasnt expecting the parents to be dead but it worked out very well...there really is nothing that i would change about this...writing is sometimes better when it is changes very little to none...i really liked the title too cause it caught my eye... well very good job on this...

    • KyleBerg gold member
      October 23, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for the compliments, especially on the twist and title.
      I consider titles and endings to be essential to good poems =)
      Thanks for the wonderful comment


  • Girl-Interrupted gold member
    October 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I loved this.. the innocence of child . the picture tied everything in very well! The rhyme was excellent. an awesome poem!!!


    • KyleBerg gold member
      October 23, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I meant 'comment' not 'poem'.
      Gosh I feel like an idiot now
      So sorry!
      Thanks for the comment


    • KyleBerg gold member
      October 23, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for the kind and flattering poem


  • Leonura
    October 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Aye, it truly is better to let yerself die then to ever think of yer parents dyin'. This was so very personal to me. I don't really know what to say, it brought tears to me eye and opened a healing wound. So wonderfully written with such heartfelt emotion.

    • KyleBerg gold member
      October 23, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I'm sorry to have opened the healing wound... and at the same time I am flattered that I could cause you to feel such strong emotion..

      Thank you for this kind comment


  • blondeoverblue
    October 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    How heartbreakingly sad. You've really gotten into the mind of the child here. Children don't think as logically as (most) adults. To play this game in hopes that his parents will find him is filled with such innocent naivete as to break your heart. Wonderfully written.

    Kat

    • KyleBerg gold member
      October 23, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Haha, "(most) adults"... you got me to laugh a bit there =)
      For you to say that my poem is "heartbreaking" is one of the biggest compliments I hope for.
      Thank you for this lovely comment


  • movedon
    October 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow

    very well written. This is...wow. Blew my mind away. The words and imagery that you wrote about is just..wow. Very well done kyle! Congrats on the HM! and i love the pic! too cute!

    ing alone,
    Mylee

    • KyleBerg gold member
      October 21, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for commenting the pic I like it too and thought it was just perfect for the poem.

      I'm super happy that you liked the poem so much =)
      Thanks for the comment


  • Asylaarix
    October 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "It's getting awfully cold
    He is frozen amongst the violets
    That will make a pretty grave
    If all stays still and silent
    Yet that is what he chooses
    For the other option fills him with dread,
    Surely it's easier to let yourself die
    Than to live on when your parents are dead."

    Most powerful stanza I've read in a very long time.
    This strikes a chord in my heart.
    It is so sad and heart-wrenching,
    tearing a piece of my heart and handing it
    to this parent-less child.
    It's always a sad thing
    when a child is left without the love
    and care that they need.
    Your words are so powerful
    and the imagery is very clear.
    Thank you for allowing us to read this piece.

    Much Luv & Respect!
    TT

    • KyleBerg gold member
      October 21, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Oh, I'm so glad that stanza was strong for you! While writing that part in particular, I had one of those rare moments where I think to myself "hey! this is good stuff"

      Thanks for your wonderful comment,
      I appreciate it a lot


  • Raining Kisses silver member
    October 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    movingly beautiful

    you created amazing imagry, and pulled emotions from me that i thought i was hardened o there are no words for how this poem touched me, beautifull write thanks

    • KyleBerg gold member
      October 23, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for the wonderful comment
      I'm glad I was able to pull emotions from you, that is after all my usual intention with my writing =)

  • Wisdom 1
    October 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    THIS IS ELEGY

    The chosen symbolism stands out principally as though an ordinary scene was depicted.
    Most elegy by the masters had been written with peculiar tone but yours is an elm among grasses.
    pen on wise poet.

    • KyleBerg gold member
      October 20, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Oh dear.. I looked up 'elegy' and I'm still not entirely sure what you mean by it..
      Perhaps you spoke too soon when you named me as a 'wise poet'...
      Thank you for your metaphorical and wonderful compliments,
      I appreciate them a lot =)

  • par-avion
    October 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    it begins so playfully and then ends so sad. the reader really feels a lot of different emotions. well done.


    • KyleBerg gold member
      October 20, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I'm glad that you could feel the range of emotions.
      Thanks for the nice comment =)


  • AboveApathy
    October 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i like the ambiguity of the emotions in this piece- you really leave it up to the reader how to feel.
    great!
    luck and love,
    wesley.


  • Til the Day I Die
    October 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    wow...

    i like this...it's kinda sad though.... buti like it you always have ways of makin something sad be very...pleasyrable....i like this bro good job

    • KyleBerg gold member
      October 15, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      The whole sad-but-still-nice thing is a favourite type of poem for me. =)
      Glad you liked it,
      Thanks for commenting


  • stylization
    October 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is fantastic. It's so horribly sad and yet the story portrayed and the way it was told was simply stunning. I love the usage of the violets. Thank you so much for entering and best of luck! (Welcome to the prelim finalists (: )

    • KyleBerg gold member
      October 11, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Wow! Thank you so much for the trophy!
      It wasn't expected at all -- i just entered hoping you might enjoy reading it (not that i'm complaining!)
      I'm glad you liked it and thanks for the comment


  • Symphony
    October 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh wow Kyle this was heartbreaking - so many people wouldn't even have thought of this option because it's a sunny day in the picture and so death etc aren't really associated with taht .. but my god ... you'er going to have me crying in work kiddo!! :'(

    • KyleBerg gold member
      October 6, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Wow! quite a few times you have expressed the exact emotional reaction that i tried to aim for with my poems... it makes me feel.. good I'm so glad you took in the twist with the happy picture/dark ending. don't cry too much and thank you for commenting!!


  • whispernthedark Greeters member
    October 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Great write, thank you for entering the contest. Good luck.


    whisper


  • Hannie
    September 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i love the poem...its so meaningful and sad...but i love it!!! keep writing


  • x.WitherinGxRoseS.x
    September 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love this poem, everything about it is just great even if a bit sad. I love how you portrayed the child and him trying to fool himself into thinking he's really playing hide and seek with his 'Mum and Dad'


  • Ebbing.X.Discreetly
    September 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Woooooow this is great!!! I really like your poetry. This one is very sad but well interpreted. I love the choice of words and the flow. The story is priceless!! It made me shed a tear because it's very powerful!

    The only thing I'm not crazy about is 'Dad and Mum' but I understand it's a must 'cause of the rhyme.

    All in all, thanks! I loved this!

    • KyleBerg gold member
      September 17, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for the compliment,, i actually think this is my personal favourite of my poems

      And yeah, if you have any ideas for how i could change the 'dad and mum' they would be very welcome.. i've had lots of frustration with that line

      Thank you for commenting


  • November-Dani
    September 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, i love the way that your poems deliver the killer punch in the last few lines. I love the story this one tells, slowly revealing more as it contiunes and gives away in the last line. I was shocked to read the last as it started so innocent. Fantasticly done! I cant beleive how much I enjoy your work. Keep it up!
    Dani.


  • Beating gold member
    September 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I know it's a small thing, but I stopped at the point where you said "dad and mom", because that sounded weird to me. I've always said "mom and dad".

    I didn't like the change of colour in the text, it was distracting and the red colour disturbed my reading. Setting that aside, the story is very well written and the 'moral' in the end was a good way to end it. Good job!

    • KyleBerg gold member
      September 4, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for the comment,, im'ma go to that poem right now and fix the font colour thanks for the suggestion!
      and i know exactly what you mean about "mum and dad" i read it backwards every time i read it,, but i had to have it that way so i could keep the rhyme =/

      Thanks again

  • panic-tiger-is-here
    September 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Like your other poems this one has a good meaning/story behind it. Really good


  • mitchie
    August 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow i like this it sorta rimes its got a point.and its like a story.very impressive!

  • Loves HER Master
    August 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    oh so sweet.
    It's sad but a sweet suicide prospect for a kid.
    keep it up hun!

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