Cyanosis of the soul
secondary to
childish inexperience ~
innocently transposed
great vessels
of imperfect mortality
and infinite Fatherhood.
Ascribing arterial ascendancy to
depleted, damaged family pattern
of decayed patience,
perennial poison of dissatisfaction,
gospel of “Gotcha!”
and perpetual scorekeeping;
bewailing in venous blues
envisioned harshness of mercy seat,
apprehensive of imperfection-intolerant
heart of holiness,
when I am fatally flawed!
Depression dines,
doom grasps my legion imperfections
with alligator avarice
and I am endlessly broken,
drowning in turmoil.
O, broken heart, cry out!
“Is there no balm in Gilead?
No help for the leper?”
Cautiously opening to His knock
find Great Physician's hands,
graven with infinite care.
Heart, lovingly and skillfully replaced;
soul salved, newness of life circulating,
hope for journey to wholeness restored.
Taking the Spirit for my guide,
I shall walk in the ways of the Lord.
I follow His prescription:
frequent forgiveness, ready repentance,
seek to selflessly serve;
intently implementing
my Maker’s pattern
for perfect peace.
Author notes
Transposition of the great vessels is a congenital heart defect in which the position of the two major vessels that carry blood away from the heart - the aorta and the pulmonary artery - is switched (transposed). This defect is classified as a cyanotic heart defect because the condition results in insufficiently oxygenated blood pumped to the body which leads to cyanosis (a bluish-purple coloration to the skin) and shortness of breath.
cyanosis: blueness, as from imperfectly oxygenated blood.
Theme: God's ways and thoughts are higher than ours. Sometimes in childhood it is possible to imagine God as a more powerful version of the imperfect mortal father we possess, which is especially inaccurate when fear, compulsion, or neglect are involved.
*POM Contest*
40 lines
A contest entry
- Poem of the Month - POM by Arkbear.
1250 points, ended September 2, 2008, 23 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 32 of 32
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Well worth Gold.
Your host I do not know but this poem has been recognized for what it is. Congratulations.
Your circulatory imagery at the beginning is after the surprising style of the Metaphysical School following the Elizabethans.
The whole poem is informed by the metaphor of the sick soul healed by the Great Physician. Wonderfully crafted poem.
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Congrats on the gold hun, wonderful piece
Hugs, Bunny
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Thank you so much, Bunny!
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Well done!
congrats on the Gold!
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Thank you, aboomer!
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This is truly spendid I am speechless Bravo!!!!!
Congrats to you!
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Thank you, Swan song, for taking the time to read. I really appreciate it!
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congrats on the gold, it was well deserved!
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Thank you, Kathryn!
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YES! YES! YES! YES! *jumps up and down*
I am so happy for you!!! This proves what a wonderful poet you are!!! I have a lump in my throat!
I throw roses at your feat!!!
3 months of silver membership! You might get spoiled!
Now I can design you a background for your author's page.
Also
Go to my author's page, select Borders, Backgrounds (can't remember the third word
) start at the bottom and work your way up, take whatever you want!
Congratulations!
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You are sooo sweet Joyce
Hey!
I did not know you enjoyed Backgrounds & Borders ~
We have extended the O' Contest Series to the BO' Contests.....check it out when you get a chnce.....we ar bran new, so bear with us as we get it up and running!
God bless you!
Bear ~
http://allpoetry.com/group/show/Backgrounds%20and%20Borders%20for%20BO%20Series -
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Diane (Mirthryl) is my closest friend on ap. She is an extraordinary poet and story teller, I think one of the very best on AP. She is so genuine and humble, and has been a great encouragement to me. We help each other with our writing.
She is a free member, so I really am hoping she takes full use of the 3 month membership.
I have a degree in Graphic Design (1984), and am currently running Graphic Challenge Zone, one of the Graphic groups on AP. I have more backgrounds and graphics posted here than I do poems. I've learned a lot while I've been on here, in several graphic programs.
I'll check your contest out!
Joyce
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Thank you, my friend and editor!
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You need some more of these little yellow guys ~
Congrats!
Bear ~
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Many thanks, Bear! And thank you for all your time and attention to detail in coordinating, running and judging the PO contests. I am so very grateful for the honor of gold in this one. Blessings, Mirthryl
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Well-earned....such talent you display!
God bless you!
Bear ~
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Congratulations on the well-deserved Gold Award!
Well Done!
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Thank you kindly, BuriedTreasures, for the read and comment. Much appreciated.
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Congratulations on your Gold! I loved this contest and had a lot of fun. You're the best!!
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Thank you so much, eclairluv!
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Congratulations
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Thank you, Starz of Heaven!
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Hi there,
Gosh, just when I think this POM can't get any better...it does. I have a feeling we are going to have some VERY close scores...and your poem sets the bar for excellence in so many areas. Outstanding work, indeed.
Your title, while very fitting, isn't one I would probably click on. Outside of those who might be curious by it, I think there's only a narrow range of readers this would appeal to.
Beyond that...my only other issue with the poem as a whole...is that I wish I had enjoyed it as much before I read your AN...as I did after.
Not knowing anything about this disease, the AN were really necessary for me to fully enjoy the beautifully done and complex metaphor you've used. Unfortunately I don't see much way around that, as it'd be near to impossible to relate that information any other way.
I have to agree with my co-judges, this has so much beauty and richness in poetic tone. Thanks so much for sharing your talents with us, and good luck in the contest. My scores will be in the final notes.
Good Luck and Best Wishes,
~J.
Remember...no editing once a judge has commented, until after trophies are handed out.
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Thank you, trista, for the thoughtful read and the thorough comments and suggestions. I so very much appreciate it!
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A very beautiful write here, I found it to have wonderful flow and poetic tone. It was deep and left a lasting impression upon me. Focus, impact were just wonderful. There was little that I would change about this piece. Damn near perfect I'd say except maybe the title
My scores reflect my thoughts on all the individual areas of your write:
Title 9.5...I would not click on this Title...didn't entice me enough.
Flow 9.95....meter is basically perfect....and sooo smooth.
Depth 9.95....great depth
Theme 9.95..great Theme....haven't read anything similar, totally unique -
Feelings 9.95...this had great depth of emotion
Grammar 10....My first ten, it was rich and vibrant.
Presentation 9.85....Almost perfect, just watch the length of your lines to keep it poetic.
Uncommonness 9.90...excellent....very creative
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.9...I did ponder inside your words
Ability to follow Rules 10...prefect from what I can tell -
Cupcrazy’s Score: 98.95
Excellent, my highest score given so far
No editing once a Judge has touched your work ~
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Thank you, Cupcrazy, for the thoughtful read and helpful suggestions. I appreciate your time and thoroughness, and the specific pointers you mention following your scoring in each area. Much appreciated!
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Hi there and welcome to Pom
I did find this piece to be interesting
and I have not seen many writes on this
at all one here but
I was reading up on the blue baby syndrome
and it was talking about this disease
I am not sure if gods way is higher then
the medical profession or anyone that has
the knowledge to help in certain
areas in life that cant be healed by the power of prayer
I am not sure really if there is a power of prayer
though but that is my belief.
Nice job here with this piece
my score will appear
with my end notes
best wishes and much luck.
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Thank you again, Starz of Heaven, for the lovely comment. Yes, there was a little fellow with this problem that I helped care for from time to time. It is amazing to me, the progress in medicine over the last few decades. I believe there is power in prayer, and that researchers and practitioners can be inspired in bringing about new procedures and treatments that can bless many lives. Thank you for your time and thoughts in considering this poem!
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Standing ovation in southern California ~
I can not pick a fav line.....you have me gasping for words ~
This is in the top 3 writes.......for me, and I shall say without a doubt, the best Lasting Impression and Impact and most Powerful write in a very long time in the PO' Contests ~
The only area I would suggest a slight edit......ONLY A SLIGHT....edit....would be, the length of your lines ~
You have bordered the Short Story Format so closely.......however, this is so poetically sound, I am amazed at how well this was penned...for being a *wordy* write
~I have a feeling this is going to do VERY well with your other Judges as well......and if it doesn't, that does not mean it is any less than when I read it ~
To take a Topic such as this, and place it into Poetic Tone, is indeed, the hardesst challenge of all......so very proud of you....such talent.....wow!
Thank you for entering, and God bless you!
Bear ~
Title 9.5...I would not want to click on this Title unless I wanted to read about this genre -
Flow 9.95..beautifully penned in poetic tone -
Depth 9.95....great depth -
Theme 10..great Theme -
Feelings 10....personification is perfect -
Grammar 9.9....nice job...beautiful as I said already -
Presentation 10.......way to be creative with mixture of sized stanzas -
Uncommonness 10...nice! -
Sit & Ponder Affect 10...I did ponder...a lot!-
Ability to follow Rules 10...perfect from what I can tell....thanks for the Notes -
Bears Score: 99.3
Holy smokes! Best score I have handed out this POM
No editing once a Judge has touched your work !
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Thank you, Bear, for the specific comments and suggestions. I appreciate your thoroughness, and will address the title, in particular. I am so pleased you enjoyed it!
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I think this is just what the doctor ordered! A puissant, poignant poem, full of truth.
Love this: "perennial poison of dissatisfaction,
gospel of “Gotcha!”
and perpetual scorekeeping;"
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I was here, and I read it. I'm going to read it again. Enough said.
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