Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Un Baiser

Missing image

i.


Into iced lemon
water

your fingers dip
and trace

the smile
on my lips -

kiss me.


ii.


Sweet hands
cradle my face

a quiet breath
taken
stirs

a sleeping
tongue

on pink pillows



iii.



Early morning
sunlight

fire falls


from the ashes
of stars
into our mouths

we burn
each moan


with a kiss.

Author notes

un baiser - a kiss (French) *

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 35 of 35

  • Sesheta
    September 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Oh la la, I set on fire!


  • rhondasail
    September 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Votre poesie est absolutement incroyable! Baiser moi, ma cherie...vite, vite!...Loved this ...love your style...love you, Rhonda


  • Suzianne
    September 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Delicious!

    Very sensual writing!


  • nevadapoet
    September 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Perfectly painted picture created with your words. Thanks for the entry best of luck.
    Nevadapoet


  • AutumnGypsy gold member
    September 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like the style with which you have written this, what is it? You capture so little about a moment so beautiful and sweet, still you hit the nail on the head with grace and beauty. Best to you


    • Dalaney gold member
      September 1, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      i'm not sure what style it is...lol Thanks for the read, my friend. Love, Lane


  • tomisb
    September 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Like the use of vignettes. T'is a soft petal that falls through your words to the lips of your readers.


  • tara wilson gold member
    August 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    beautiful sensual imagery, Lane, these are lovely, creative vignettes..


  • Longfella
    August 31, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    "embrasse moi"


  • moluv10
    August 31, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is quite a poem here. I love the way you wrote this. Best of luck in the contest.


  • Thomas Scott gold member
    August 31, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Nice and clean and tight. Good stuff, Lane.


  • Beating gold member
    August 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh wow! I couldn't help but to leave a useless comment on this piece, just to tell you, once again, that no one understands words like you do. I read this piece very slowly, and it all felt very sensual and loving, with a daring touch. I loved it!


  • arafura gold member
    August 31, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    The sweetness of the kiss... Each word of this sensual poem is a soft moan in the reader's ear.


  • Sue Cardwell gold member
    August 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Your ability to make the simple, rich and exciting never fails to amaze me...

    although your kiss is far from simple...just beautiful.

    Love
    Sue


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    August 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Once again I join the long, long line of admirers...

    This is written with such a simple, sensitive touch, and yet it burns! The word "kiss" - try saying it, Lane. I know you can't hear it, but you can feel it in your mouth and on your lips...

    The "k" is short, a breath catching hard on the roof of your mouth. The "i" is a whimper, your lips are open. The "ss" is long, an almost uncontrollable exhalation, a surrender...

    I once drove someone wild, simply by softly repeating the words "kiss me"; they appear in your poem here, once, italicised. That is an electric moment.

    Not for nothing is the French word "baiser" to strong for a simple kiss; the words "baise moi" are more of an invitation to fuck than to lock lips, and if one wanted no more than a touch of the lips, one would say "embrasse moi".

    Wonderful poem. The red list, I think. Have a row of very excited bunnies.


  • JohnnyD gold member
    August 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Mais, amour joue-t-il son role ?

    Nowadays, I wonder, I really do?



    Len


  • Shadow Lynx
    August 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow , stunning write ! Sensual with a capital S !! Best of luck


  • ten thousand cicadas gold member
    August 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    What absolute perfection! Beautiful anticipation, stirring, and fulfillment. Loved it, gal! Most 'specially the pink pillows.


  • the atlantic
    August 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    omg, those third parts always slay me, lane. i loved the burning star imagery. excellent build up and not anti-climatic in any way. just lovely.


  • Swangrnv gold member
    August 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    oh my god..

    Layne..wow, I mean ..wow..


    • Dalaney gold member
      August 30, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      lol...wow

      thank you for reading me...
      thank you for the smile

      love, lane


  • autarky
    August 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i think you are the most wonderful sensual writer i have ever read. thank you so much.


    • Dalaney gold member
      August 30, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I cannot tell you how wonderful your comment has made me feel. Thank you so very much. Love, Lane


  • cricketjeff gold member
    August 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful poetry on a beautiful act. I rather like my entry in this contest but i think it was just holed below the waterline!

    Superb


    • Dalaney gold member
      August 30, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I rather like your entry, as well
      Blub Blub I'll sink down with you
      below the water line

      Love, Lane xxoo

  • Just a poet gold member
    August 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I feel every moment of a long tender and increasingly passionate kiss as I read this. Tender and loving a kiss in the evening, then urgent embraces into the night and a true fulfilment as dawn disturbs slumber.

    A wonderful evocation of love and loving.

    Sigh


  • sailor ptolema
    August 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I don't write love poetry and generally don't care for it, but yours always reaffirms my faith that it can be written oh so well. I mean, this was just ... too much for words . I don't have anymore-'cept I loved it .

    Meg

    `


  • Pure Thought silver member
    August 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    My Lady

    THIS is a kiss. Sigh...

  • mcfreeman
    August 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    The very definition of senual


  • MuddyKing
    August 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    definately a kiss, I like the use of stages...each in its own unique way
    this one made an old man sigh
    excellent

    peace and hugs Muddy


    • Dalaney gold member
      August 30, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      old man?? Muddy, don't you know
      we are as young as we feel? You
      just might need a kiss.

      Love, Lane


  • notorious gold member
    August 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    That is possibly the best French title I have EVER seen for a poem.



    "Into iced lemon
    water"
    ABSOLUTELY DELICIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Love the beginning--makes me want iced lemon water... Or iced tea with lemons...

    "your fingers dip
    and trace"
    Strikes me as sensual, but the classy kind

    "a sleeping
    tongue"
    Weird ass personification...
    I love it.

    "on pink pillows"
    This strikes me as kind of...well, after all that sensual stuff above, this is like a casual narrative. I don't think I'm explaining properly, but this is offhand description & I like it.

    Sorry if I'm not making sense...LMAO.

    "fire falls
    from the ashes
    of stars"
    Gorgeous.

    I'm not a fan of love poetry...



    I'm a fan of your poetry.


    Jessica

1 - 35 of 35