snow steadily falls
draping each branch
~magical cleansing
Author notes
I chose purity as my option.
In a list
A contest entry
- Haiku-me by Kappa Pyua.
2100 points, ended September 22, 2008, 23 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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The snow does seem to clean up the yard and make all look new again. Though it is just a camaflouge, I still love the feel of it. How it hushes the noise and soothes the mornings. Lovely lovely.
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5-4-5 is good, I like it. You could have got away with 5-4-3 in a descent, and hazarded leaving out "magical", thus:
snow steadily falls
draping each branch
and cleansing
The kireji would then be subtle and faint after the first line. It's lovely to experiment. Your way is good, and I'm just a big know-it-all.
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I like the picture you painted of a world of white. great haiku. Not sure if the pause is suppost to look like that. snow is my favorite season.
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The pause - the kireji - has no set way of being represented in haiku in the English language, although a dash is common. I have been experimenting in this issue http://allpoetry.com/column/show/2345931
Sorry for following you around, but haiku is dear to me, and I'm interested.
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excellent~
Oh this is beautiful
I love it and esp the cardinal in the snow
Best of luck in the contest
It's a winner in my book
Hugs
Your sis
Susan~~~
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I feel refreshed just reading this lovely haikuster. Much better than the other kinds of cleansings.
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Heck yeah!!! I totally agree that snow softly covering everything is indeed like a beautiful blanket of purity. I don't let anyone walk in my yard when it snows!!
Not even me! I love the 'purity' of it. You nailed it with this Haiku. Well done! Close the contest, this is the winner!
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I could almost feel those cool flakes falling upon me, and that's really saying something because it's actually pushing 90 degrees over here right now! This is beautiful and showed some soothing images in my mind. Great job, my friend.
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Ahhh a beautiful bird, Cardinal. They were always pretty, with bright colors against the drab background, of the winter. Very true,result was fresh air and first snow fall, so lovely, I remember.
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