ahhhh,
am i good enough now that is a potent question
filled with so many emotions
always thought i was
until i met you
then i started to feel like i could never fill
those shoes
those shoes that you created
of a woman that does not exist
those shoes of perfection
impossible i must admit
the pain of trying to fit in
where do i begin
with my friends
i am perfection
with you
i am invisible
i could walk in the room
and turn heads but with you and your family
i could be dead
so many illusions
of perfection to be filled
so many broken hearts to be healed
it will not happen in my lifetime
way too much work
but i will stand by you
in spite of the hurt
i know its not your fault
but i must say you are the cause
look around
so many things to be fixed
in your broken home
of hearts
how do we begin the healing
where do we start
everyone around you
walking on eggs
wishing for your ear
a moment of praise
yet you sit in silence.....
and act amazed
i tell you my friend
this you must work out
not with me
but with your broken family
please get on with it
and leave no doubt
no stone unturned
so many lessons for you to learn
of love
my dear one
of love
of love
my dear one
of love.........
Author notes
this is about my man needing to wake up and realy look at his family... its time
A contest entry
- are you good enough........................... by Angel Felice Seals.
800 points, ended October 5, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 34 of 34
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take a sledgehammer to the TV...pour his beer all over the bed then say LOVE YERSELF before u can love me...family should never speak for anyone but themselves...not for U not for HIM...if he loves u truly then he'll change the bed sheets and use the TV remote batteries for the clock in the hall that U BOTH keep staring at...ITS TIME and the hands they are waving...good luck in helping him see U...lord knows I SEE U lol
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Ah..a hearfelt story of the life is here bringing many emotional momments around....well done..and thanks for sharing it...
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WOW
A very good write, truth depicted real, sorta hits close to home me and me ex went through a similar situation with my folks. nice one
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Feeling rather familiar with what you are writing as it strikes home about family relations, and love and acceptance....Though perhaps a little lengthy, a wonderful write!
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poignuant
A common malady impressively presented
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Awesome,sad,been there
I cant tell you how much I experienced,like I was ther in your pain,tell them what you feel!! will be looking for more of your talent. JAiken1035
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One must remember,you cannot change another. Also you will not be punished for his bad deeds. You came along later in life and yet you make decisions based on the past. This is what I feel when reading your poem. It's filled with lots of emotions. Keep up the good work. Rose
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So powerful
You're doing the right thing. Stick by him and he'll realize just how much he needs you and his family.
I've been in a similar place. He needs you, trust me. -
This is both sweet and sad.I hope everything works out between you two
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love your poetry,why not read mine-JAiken103
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I DON'T KNOW IF I got this right or not. Who is the trophy? Who is showing whom? Very interesting indeed.
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A strong meaningful poem
A strong meaningful poem -
good luck in the contest and stellar poem. very emotional
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Powerful!
This piece had so many elements that
captivates and seduces the reader.
You presented your case as it were before
us the reader. You allowed us to feel your
frustration and pain. I felt outrage at this
person who obviously is taking you for granted.
I could only say to myself, "why the hell does
she endure such a fucking asshole?"
But I understand when you love someone so much
and have made an honest commitment that it's
not so easy to walk away. Yet sometimes we
need to just count our losses and say the
hell with it, "I'M OUT OF HERE!"
Great writing
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those shoes that you created
of a woman that does not exist
I love those lines. Nice poem. The spacing made it a little difficult to read, but I did enjoy it. Well done! -
I'm impressed by the ideas and emotions your poem expresses and deals with even if its not really my style, so to speak.
I know the feeling of dealing with a loved one who despite the evidence ignores the pink elephant in the corner.
I can relate emotionally to this piece, but poetically it felt dry to me. In some places the spacing was definitely effective, but the space between some of the lines just felt distracting, and I think ended up undermining the poetic power of your message. With personal pieces, though, one questions whether critiques are really necessary (or wanted at all )
Well...that's my two cents, anyway, for what it's worth.
Write/Rock/Love/Live On, Sim. =) -
Am listening to Alicia Keys sing " if I were your woman" and it seems so perfect for this poem, your man never chose his family, he only chooses to get along, maybe with his serious health issues it's hard for him to make waves, swim along with the tide, your man is at your side and am sure he loves you just as much, I can't blame him for not initiating another battle but it doesn't mean you aren't his girl, smile and in time you'll look back and learn to sieve the memories that mean the most to you...
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wow all the mention of perfection in the poem..and that's what this poem is..perfect. .."shoes of a woman who doesn't exist" is a great line..and i like all of it. I know how you feel to be around someone who expects more than possible...yet we always pick the complicated men don't we? lol i guess that means we're complicated.
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Didn't realize I had already read this till I started reading it again. Sorry. I still love this one! It is very thought provoking and wonderful!
Best of luck in this contest!
and love
Nyetta
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Poignant!
Wow! what a thought provoking write.
You struggled through the misery of a
disenchanted heart to describe the pain
and angst within your world. I believe it's
like dropping off emotional baggage and saying
finally I'm done with all that.
If thats the case good for you.
If not, I encourage you to stay strong
because love relationships aren't easy.
When you're truly down with that person
you take on all that they are.
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Beautiful
This is very good I enjoyed reading it. It has a very good flow well done my poet friend -
I love the idea, but it is a little choppy.
Great work and I hope the point gets across with your man!
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Interesting, thought-provoking write. The only criticism I have to offer is that it reads a bit...choppily. Other than that, the phrasing is quite good.
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Wow, this is amazing. I am a bit drunk so I may not be able to leave a proper comment for such a wonderful poem, but you worded this perfectly for me. Great job!!!
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very great write i really hope he wakes up!! he will when the time is right dear. let you words me your shoulder for you tears to rest on. keep on penning!
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This reminds me of me
I have been there myself. It is not a place that I liked being in, it is hard to fill those shoes. You should not have to be there either. I know you well enough to know your heart, and the pain you are feeling. You did a great job pouring it out in this one hon! Hope things start looking up for you!
Best of luck in this contest!
and love
Nyetta
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First, it is never our job to fulfill someones ideal of how perfect we are. Instead, it is about letting ourselves be who we are and feel the blessings of being so perfect for another. It is not a burden but a gift to be recieved.
Second, the family is the hardest garden to till for weeds. Perhaps the gift is to speak to the love that can be reaped. Also, all forgiveness is not for the forgiven, but to free the soul of the forgiver of the burden of another's sins.
Last, be the center of peace -- you can be. Remeber not to take the family personally, unless you choose to. It will allow you to more readily find and celebrate the blossoms that open amongst the weeds.
Love, Tom B.
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Well, I was looking for something interesting to read and this definately hit the spot. I really loved the way you worded "so many illusions of perfection to be filled so many broken hearts to be healed." This is great and I hope it gets the point across. Good luck in the contest.
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Some men need to open their eyes and ears, and keep their mouth shut. Stop, Look and Listen. Nice work, Cheers Tws...
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these lines "how do we begin the healing;
where do we start" made me tear up. This whole poem sounds like the first 9 months of my relationship, trying to be perfect. This really touched me. Wonderful writing!
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hummmm interesting. I like the phrase I am prefection with you. This really says so much! I like the way you wrote this. How you talk of learning of love... of broken families... of leaving no stones unturned. This is a very good write. Thanks for sharing this.
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beautifully put, I can tell that you really do feel what you're writing.luckily I have no big shoes to fill myself, so I can only imagine how it feels
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wow, so much emotion, so beautifully put. Amazing, great job on this, and good luck in the contest.
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Yes. I would think it is time.. But it seems like they never really realise anything is wrong until it's all about to break apart.. You really expressed a lot of emotion here.. I really can relate to this in many way.. thank you very much for sharing.. best of luck in the contest.. And I hope he wakes up soon..
Angel
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