Peel
cheesecloth from Cheddar -
such a soft, waxy covering
that cuts and tears so easily.
But Cheddar
doesn't bubble up to the surface
and seep out of the gash;
it doesn't drip,
scarlet-hued,
to the floor below.
Cloth does not grow back
(achingly slow)
or form a little white scar
where metal carved.
Author notes
Okay, so it may sound like a regression into my old suicidal self - but it isn't really as dark as it seems.
Inspired by a totally accidental injury - not an intentional one. 
Also, in part, inspired by Sylvia Plath's poem "Cut":
"What a thrill -
My thumb instead of an onion."
Which is often criticized and viewed as a sort of anthem for self-destruction and cutting - but it truly was an accident (as far as we know, at least).
Please tell me what you really think. Criticism welcomed.
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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I love this, for its duplicity. It is at once, a whimsical "onion" story, and a deeper tale moving into a dark side of the human psyche, delicious (pardon the pun), that you writing is so effective.
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So noted
And the cook is now besides himself. Always wonder why he could never get the cheddar right, lol
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WEll written,
other than that, I ain't sayin' nuttin'.
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haha... because you know too much or because you don't want to know anymore?
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you really had to ask.
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Salivation
Allie, you have prepared such a deeply dark and disturbing dish here. I am immensley perturbed by your metaphorical use of my great friend, melted cheddar cheese, - something that can surely only bring sunshine into our lives? You have me salivating and cowering at the same time. Excellent writing.
L&P Kx
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Sweet Allie, You are a master of ink!
The way this flows is thought provoking and softly dark
Love it!
♥
Stay safe
Love to you
~Manda
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Oh MAN, that picture of grated cheese cracks me up--it's like a light-hearted juxtaposition to your dark words...but you claim it's not as dark as it seems...well, okay. ^^
"Peel
cheesecloth from Cheddar -
such a soft, waxy covering
that cuts and tears so easily."
That could easily apply to cutting...LoL but I won't freak out. I love how this dually describes cheese quite literally...and also applies to mortal life, or something. "so easily" has a lot of impact--we could die any second!
Oh damn, you have me all sad and philosophical. AHAHAHAHA
"But Cheddar
doesn't bubble up to the surface
and seep out of the gash;
it doesn't drip,
scarlet-hued,
to the floor below."
The only part in the poem I didn't like was "scarlet-hued". The word (& name) 'scarlet' is really, really cool...I love saying it out loud, but recently, I've had an aversion to words like 'scarlet' & 'crimson' & 'vermilion' in relation to blood--it feels like an intentionally "fancy" way to describe well, blood. It's a personal pet peeve, so you should probably ignore everything I've just said...LoL
"Cloth does not grow back
(achingly slow)
or form a little white scar
where metal carved."
Gorgeous (not the scars, your words...)
Again, I love how this applies to more than just cheese itself.
Sylvia Plath is pretty cool--you know, I NEVER read her until I found out you were a huge fan of hers & I decided to check her out..
Cool way to prompt yourself...!! "My thumb instead of an onion"...that just cracks me up.
Love this.
Jessica
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Great!
Allie
Great metaphorical write
Being an accident or not, your write oozes with darkness and pain. Keep up the great work.
Love you dark style of writing
Take care
Much love
David
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Accident or not, you conjure up the darkness of all the painful, biting things that lie just below the surface of the skin. I am so in awe of your talent. What a powerful and emotional write this is -- and somewhat difficult to read.
I love the undercurrent. It is so atmospheric. It may insprire me to write something VERY dark.
Excellent.
Garrison
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I can see this and the inspiration! I like Sylvia Plath but she was a bit nuts I think. Well done!
Love,
Amera♥
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