I am as a leaf,
disgraced
draped in scarlet and gold
masquerading,
while death
runs through my veins
and frightened
as one chased
by October's winds.
Looking back
to summer days,
part of me hangs on;
yet the bright colors
turn to icicles,
sweet drops fall
with no place
to call home
upon fallowed land;
Yet I know
deep in my heart,
there lies a world
the color of grace,
a shade between
black and white,
where the sun
will not scorch
nor icy hand touch
I am as a leaf, disgraced
yet I thank Jesus, my Savior
for He has draped me
in scarlet and gold.
Author notes
"POM CONTEST" theme - falsely accused/disgraced
A contest entry
- Poem of the Month - POM by Arkbear.
1250 points, ended September 2, 2008, 23 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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Awesome poem! You have a great talent!
Jesus has washed you in His Blood and clothed you in white garments! Those sins that He has forgiven you are as they never even occured! The enemy loves to remind you of your past sins, but you must stand on God's word and remind the enemy of his future!You are a new creation in Christ!Justified, purified, sanctified and redeemed from the hand of the enemy! You belong to GOD!
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Nice job!
congrats on the well-deserved trophy!
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Hi there, and welcome to the POM
Wow, such a wealth of emotions run through this write. Combined with a beautiful poetic tone, it makes it quite captivating. I also loved the imagery, in the first stanza especially.
Gosh...my co-judges have covered this so well already, I really don't feel like I have much to add. The added punctuation is something I definitely agree with. I'm not a big fan of the short lines, but you did a great job with line breaks to keep this from sounding choppy. I think the fact this isn't a terribly uncommon theme will have some bearing on the lasting impression as well, for me...but still a very solid entry in the POM.
Thanks so much for your entry, and good luck...My scores and the other areas of your poem I looked at will be in the final notes.
Best Wishes,
~J.
Remember...no editing once a judge has commented, until after trophies are handed out.
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Hi there,
A very nice piece filled with emotion. Nice form and flow that allows the sense of reflection to wander through, a little more punctuation would enhance this piece I believe. There were a couple of lines that were a tad cliche, but overall I enjoyed this write. Some excellent phrasing and imagery as well.
My scores will reflect my thoughts on the individual areas of this write:
Title 9.7...I would click on this Title...seemed intriguing.
Flow 9.75....good, additional punctuation would improve it I think.
Depth 9.75....good depth
Theme 9.65..nice Theme....read similar, but your approach was captivating.
Feelings 9.75...wonderful emotion, very palpable.
Grammar 9.7....nice job
Presentation 9.75....simple but effective.
Uncommonness 9.60...nice....a little more creativity is needed though.
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.7...I did ponder, but more-so about the writer and what was happening in her life.
Ability to follow Rules 10...prefect from what I can tell
Cupcrazy’s Score: 97.35
Nice work!
No editing once a Judge has touched your work ~
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Hi and welcome to the Pom
I will say that I have not seen many writes
like this on here this one is sad a bit to
me it is so hard to live in a world
and feel like we are never good enough
walking within the shadows of a society
that will pick at you and tear away
everything that you have worked for
by anothers hate that at times seems
to destroy us and takes away what little bit of
pride that we have left
but then when we least except it we
have a little light
that will shine on us and make us
see that even through our imperfections
we are loved by someone Nice job here with this piece
my score will appear with my end notes
best wishes and much luck.
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Hello Carly :)
Superb write.....gosh....full of emotion and Impact ~
*while death
runs through my veins* ....stay away from cliche' Tone.....althought this is a tad cliche', it is still powerful and leads me into your Theme ~Your 2nd stanza rocks....powerful and pondering....for me ~
The 3rd stanza touched me deeply.....I see a loss of Poetic Tone, yet, the approach is direct and focused....leaving me thinking a great deal of myself....nicely done :)
There are some areas I woulod consider proper for punc usage, as I would want to slow down and enjoy every word you have penned......you have reached deep for this.....your soul is beautiful ~
Thank you for entering and God bless you,
Bear ~
Title 9.7...I would click on this Title ...make me curious...poetic as well -
Flow 9.5...penned in poetic tone, yet needing some punc.'s....IMHO -
Depth 9.8....good depth....reaching deep is the way to get my attention -
Theme 9.95..great Theme -
Feelings 10....personification is perfect -
Grammar 9.7....nice job...beautiful as I said already...a tad simple, yet powerful -
Presentation 9.8....not a fan of lengthy stanzas, but it does work -
Uncommonness 9.65...nice....but looking for more creativity ...still, a clever write -
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.8...I did ponder...left a good lasting impression upon me -
Ability to follow Rules 10...prefect from what I can tell -
Bears Score: 97.9
Excellent :)
No editing once a Judge has touched your work ~
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It a wonderful write full of many feelings. I really like the ending. Jesus will not let us fall from his hands. He our advocate,lawyer,friend and savior and so much more. I think having eternity with God is worth all the hurt and suffering we go though. God has suffer too and he understand your hurts. This wonderful write.
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wow, this has left me almost speechless with it's beauty. I simply have no words to describe how this made me feel. God bless,
Kathryn
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i read and reread. this made me cry as it is as if you were looking into my soul. be strong and courageous. Jesus stands with you in the midst of the storm. i find peace in remembering that. may you also. thank you for sharing this. keep writing poet! God bless you always
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so truly beautiful. and loving..
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I Must Encourage...
"Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith; that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death, if, by any means, I may attain to the resurrection from the dead."
What is it to have "fellowship"? It is to have a commonness with the one, or One we are fellowshipping with. A promise from scripture for Jesus' followers is to have a common ground with Him, to include His sufferings.
We might have this blessing that we would come to a greater sense of Who He is and what He is for us, on a personal level. I learned this some time ago, in fact, through false accusations, even if tied to my past.
Jesus was falsely accused; a greater tragedy since He was without sin, holy as God. Yet He let Himself be falsely accused. So when I am so accused I'm grateful because I know my Lord dealt with similar things.
When two people endure something together, they have a special bond between the two of them that will outlast time and all they go through. Because of this their intimacy is unmatched. We can have this with Jesus.
It means "counting all things loss" or rubbish, especially earthly things, like prestige or popularity. What we gain with the Son of God is far more precious.
May you come to enjoy this, sister.
God bless!
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Beautifully written. Maybe consider "fallen leaf" (shows) and remove the word disgraced; perhaps "tred underfoot" instead; extend the metaphor of a fallen leaf a bit more.
Since each stanza contains a complete thought, I would punctuate each with a period.
Love the final stanza!
Later comment:I did not know how soon I would relate so clearly to this write. A similar fate has befallen me, Carly, except I at least in part caused my fall.
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Amazing poem wonderful job!
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So tenderly written. We are so blessed to have His grace. THis is an awesome piece of poetry. Best to you in the contest.
Sam
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Yes, because of His great love and mercy, we are as white as snow. It is a miracle.
This is a beautiful poem. Be strong and courageous, dear heart. Jesus stands with you in the midst of the storm.
- jo -
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WOW
This was a wonderful write! -
Great tribute.
Good way to take life with the man up above still keep us in tack...mac
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Such lovely words to describe sad feelings that look for a someday hope. I love this poem. Autumn is my favorite time of the year. As a child, the turning of the leaves always meant a trip to the mountains. Thank you for reminding me. Also, I could feel your pain. I like how you turned it around. Shancy.
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It is a beautiful poem Carly. The truth will set you free. Jesus will never forsake you. Our Lord too was falsely accused. I will keep you in my prayers. Just continue to trust in Jesus. Please know I hold you in my arms. Katie
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