Summer’s day, is full of happiness and glee,
And life of new beginning.
With spirits soaring
And smiles dancing
To and fro on happy faces.
Summer’s sun burns off its heat,
Of pure joy and happiness.
Its slanting rays shine down on land,
Penetrating all sadness, anger, evil, and sorrow.
And wiping away bad memories.
Yet one evil thing remains, hidden from view.
It is Summer’s raven.
Perched atop a colossal oak,
Is the wicked raven,
An omnivorous fiend.
It eats the flesh of its dead and decaying friends,
Paying them no heed.
Its hooked beak tears and rips at the flesh,
And has no feeling of sorrow.
When Summer’s wise owl calls out to it,
Saying, “Be kind to mother nature.”
The raven does not care.
When the raven soars, and scavenges the land around it,
It blocks out the sunlight’s rays,
Sending everything around it,
Spinning, into an ominous darkness,
Where evil and anger rule.
When you destroy one’s feelings,
And put them down,
You begin to do the same to everyone else,
Sending them too, spinning, into a world of darkness,
That your anger and evil rules.
You will destroy your summer of sunshine,
And everyone else’s too.
Don’t let it slip away,
With words and actions that can be fixed,
With the right mind and attitude.
Author notes
In my poem here, I refer the raven to all of us, because I know that we all have a tendencey to put someone or something down once in a while. But if we try our hardest, to praise others, then they will begin to do the same to us, and the world would be a better place.
A contest entry
- Summer Poem by Mortal.
900 points, ended October 9, 2008, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Proudly Presenting: ROUND 1 by Walk-Free.
1000 points, ended August 31, 2008, 78 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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I like this poem very much until you step out of the metaphor at this line. "When you destroy one’s feelings,
And put them down," I feel the meaning was clear enough without it. had you wanted to make it more clear you could ahev shown rather than told. I do like the beginning however it gets preachy towards the end. -
loved how you used an image of a raven to depict something else altogether.
imaginative write~
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Your metaphor was brilliant and had a gorgeous ring to it! The contrast of the wise owl and the destroying raven is a good one, and inspires a lot of emotion.
...Then I reached the last three verses.
No offense, but I thought your point was clear enough in the other six verses. The last three weren't as original, and they came off sounding preachy and even cliché. A wonderful metaphor turned into a kindergarten ethics lesson. As I'm co-judging FM's contest, I'd say you still have a decent chance - but I still don't like those last three. Good luck anyways! -
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Thanks. I changed the end of the poem so that it didn't come right out and say it to you.
But really, thanks for pointing that out. I didn't even think about it untill you told me.
-Long Patrol
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