Desire floods
my every sense
and I am left
without defence;
Thoughts mount
residue remains;
unbearably crave
to be sustained -
oh curse this lust!
Like silken tent;
surging, rising
against lament.
Who am I
to refuse?
To let this
revel in abuse...
and so I take
my lover's hand
remove my clothes
as we both stand
within the street
against the sun
and now it's
only just begun...
Let them stare
as we make love
bare to the blazing
lights above.
Author notes
Prompt: Insatiable
82 words.
It lacks the seductive nature, yes.
but it is an extensive read for so few words
do you not agree?
Perhaps I could do better...
A contest entry
- Show me how..... by Cannonsfire.
1750 points, ended September 11, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
How Do You Like My Soul? --- Critique
Comments
-
Hmm....
First, sometimes seduction is in the mind of the reader. I would give more meat to it, but don't get too detailed. I wouldn't want you to lose that slight sense of mystery in this.
-
I wonder why you centre aligned it? Makes the flow awkward to me and the punctuation as well, I do prefer none in most cases. The thoughts are done well but it lacks imagery powerful enough for me but you have time to edit.
-
wow right out in the open like that? lol
it was a catchy and very well done write. i cant wait to hear more
Adding your comment:
