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Dearly Departed

Dearly Departed
I eat my bread in silence
Only to consume for body's sake
Life has lost its savor
Eternal days without beginning or end
Boots plod along old worn out trails
No changing seasons,only empty life
without you here
Dearly Departed

How does this poem make you feel? What was your general impression?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • penman gold member
    June 20
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    Wonderful

    Very creative and well expressed. Thank you for sharing.


    • firefly53633
      June 20
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      Thank you!

      Actually really wanted your opinion on one I have submitted for a contest as it is quite out of the box for me! Who's that in my bed?


  • Rose Angel gold member
    June 15

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    Someone has left you have been used to...and you miss them...Boredom has set in and time stands still....vivid imagery penned here...


  • mcope8050
    June 9
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    ohhhh,,, good write,,, thanks for sharing,,, well thought out and shared with the reader


  • poetrandy gold member
    August 30, 2008

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    Very nice memorial short poem!

    This poem is just a bit short to be a true elegy -- but it's a great poem. You're probably no talking about one person in particular, here? Good imagery and rhythm! The title "grabbed" me! I like this poem!

  • Ace - LightWithinMe
    August 29, 2008
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    Hello Firefly53633. Depressing write, reads like the writer is barely convinced she must eat that bread, almost like she is forcing herself. Once again, I do think this could be made longer, at the moment it reads like foundations are in place. More expression, more detail would lift this higher. And of course, punctuation, hahaha. My regards.

1 - 6 of 6