Sun ripened
proud and full
supple and flowing
you want to
be fingers of wind
Grains
mashed
pulped
become feed
Yeast risen
kneaded dough
unbaked potential
Crusty
warm
broken open
soaked in butter
Eaten quickly
processed flour
promises everything
delivers little
more hunger forgotten
Flavors are
threads of color
a tapestry of passion
excited senses
Women
endless
Truly
white woman
sun forgotten
ghosts
empty canvas
earth ripe
with forgetfulness
memories
seed
4:17 PM
Aug. 29, 2008
Alexandria, VA
Author notes
well, this is a little creative, intelligence is always arguable, and orginality can be tastless and over rated. No matter how many decree themselves the mavens of good taste, it always ends up, in the end, as a matter of personal like or dislike. That, at least, is better than those who only like what is stamped with popular approval. I talk too much. 
In a list
Please tell me what you think, what it makes you feel, how you are moved.
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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Darn, the sun forgot me lol!
You know i read this probley 3 times trying to figure it out.
So i give you a thumbs up for making me think and study it.
Very clever!
although does this make me a ghost or empty canvas lmbo
ss
awww this realness of a redhead with fair skin.
Great take on this!
Hugs
~Lisa~
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Okay it is pablum versus difference. Hooray for the differences. Everything else I could say would get me in trouble. You are far more unique and special than any thing else so I wouldn't begin to tell where your canvas is empty
Love, Tom B.
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You're something else in this.
I don't know whether it's me, or it's there, but you know I'm gonna tell you all about it, in glorious detail, and spare not a centimeter of space. . .LOL
I found this write to be sexy first, heavy with wisdom, second, and C [], I believe you've stuffed so many fantastic metaphors, ahh!, it's difficult for me to highlight even one.
I agree about the like and dislike, and real quickly want to throw in a quote by Whistler. Remember James Whistler? Whistler's Mother? American Gothic?
Boring art, in my view, as boring as all get out...
but verbally, Mr. Whistler artiste was incomparable.
He said,
"Never say a work of art is NO GOOD, say you do not like it. That way you're safe."
Culinary art school nods all around, that comment is acceptable I believe.
AND BTW I LOVED THIS, can you tell?
Okay, who talks too much?
Jin
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Variety is the spice of life I was playing with this idea and the prompt was white girl, so I played with the image of white bread.
Love, Tom B.
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No you do not talk to much! And yes, I do agree with you that taste is a personal thing. Whether someone likes or dislikes something is up to them and not the writer. However, I must say that I do like this. I usually do like poems that deal with memories.
Thanks for sharing
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After each winter when so much feels as if it shall never rise again, within each seed is the memory of life and all that makes magic. Thanks for the thoughts and the touches.
Love,
Tom B.
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tomisb:: uncertain what to make of this poem , truly, I have read the comments, and the poem. I enjoyed the way you laid out the poem for us to think about it. you have a very creative mind. ttm
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It is an interesting comment. It is kind of a two edge sword. The profession of uncertainity combined with feeling like there is something worth haveing here in the poem. Just, as it is a blessing and a curse to have a creative mind Thanks for the bunnies.
Peace & Light,
Tom B.
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The change to women was, I agree, abrupt, but re-reading pulls the threads together. The whole is very clever and deserves some thought. Perhaps some punctuation might help - do you mean
sun-forgotten
ghosts,
empty canvas
or
sun, forgotten,
ghosts,
empty canvas
Thanks for sharing this.
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I often find the greatest challenge in art to be how much to tell or show and how much to asume about what the audience knows and how much one should make them work for understanding. I am sure you know a great deal has been written on this subject.
I think I let the prompt get shaded my thinking to not telling enough. I could change the title to "white women." It might take care of the whole problem. I like the current title because of the idea of separating to good and useful from the unusable.
As to punctuation, one of my mentors was of the firm belief that if you were going to write with out punctuation, then it should be all or nothing.
I could see his point.I choose to use this abbreviated, unpunctuated style, because of the abiltiy to read in different fashions and to glean different results. Again how much to tel vs. assume.
I have a fascination with how much we want our artists to do the work of creating meaning for us. How much we like our facts to be concrete and unchanging in a universe where change is the only constant. Now I ramble.
Thanks,
Tom B.
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Your transition from wheat to women is abrupt. I don't follow and find no conclusion. Enjoyed the spikes of weighty phrases- unbaked potential- hints of the piece for me
The opening stanza promises so much
But the firecracker image pops
are poor repacement for a warm hearth these ideas could be.
Of course, I could just be lazy and not stringing the ideas together that you offer. -
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Valid critique. Sometimes the prompt becomes so assumed, I forget to give the poem the independence it deserves. I should perhaps title this White woman or create a intro that sets up the metaphor. Gonna have to rethink this abit. It is always a challenge in creating a piece -- how much do you assume and how much do you tell.
Love, Tom B.
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very interesting write, you kinda lost me at the end. but i like how simple this poem is, short little phrases yet it doesnt lose any impact or power. very nice write.
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Maybe the title should of been "white women" I thought the minimalist styling would help draw out and provoke the senses more than another style.
Peace & Light,
Tom B.
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Thanks
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Superb
A very fine write in which you've expressed yourself quite well. Thanks for sharing this one with us. Again, well done.
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Thanks. I was dancing with my own visions. Glad you enjoyed seeing the world through the eyes of my muse.
Love, Tom B. -
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You are quite welcome.
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Excellent and although you may say originality can be tasteless, this is original but certainly not tasteless. Such an evocative write you have here, great imagery and metaphor throughout and I liked the structure and use of senses. I hope this does well in your contest. Thanks for sharing.
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I, just, in my own twisted humor way -- heard white bread when I heard white women. I decided not to focus on tastelessness but on how flavor and color are the evocative, sexy things and that truly white women don't exist. Glad you enjoyed it. The structure tended toward minimalism to help make the senses more provoked.
Love, Tom B.
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My senses are reeling...ALL of them! You address every sense in this, and so strongly. The way you use colors, touch, and taste in this is marvelous. In stanzas 2 & 3, my mouth was watering. And; in the following lines:
....Flavors are
threads of color
a tapestry of passion
excited senses...
I am rolling the words around in both my mouth and my mind. Truly superb, my friend. Your use of metaphor here is incredible. Bookmarking this for future visits!!
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When I read Lane's prompt, "white girls," I immediately thought of white bread. It took me awhile to see how to use the metaphor. I don't often make a metaphor the conceit for the entire poem, but this is one of the exceptions. Your favorite phrase is my contrasting thought to white bread.
It's invention was an effort to end people in poverty from being able to buy bread. Now it is a statment of no taste, no fiber, nothing but air -- at total poverty of what food should be. Even when making it cheap enough to afford, once again the capitalistic nature of this country makes it something not worth affording. Sorry, I run on.
Again my thanks for delighting in this poem. I am glad you stopped by and touched to the heart that you enjoy it.
Love, Tom B.
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I be a maven, too. Good luck in Lane's contest. Yeahhh, intelligence do make for great debates, don't it.
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Knowledge and information are not the same. I love the comment in Catch 22 "all intelligence and no brains"
Love, Tom B.
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I think the first stanza reads a little awkward? Could be just a missing letter I think. You write contemporary very well and still have that persuasiveness to make a reader sigh. Hope you are well rested after your holiday. C
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Thanks for the editorial note. Glad you enjoyed this tongue-in-cheek comment on white bread.
Love, Tom B.
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