a blue dragonfly
hovers at the river’s edge
afraid of demons
Author notes
prompt 3
In a list
A contest entry
- Haiku-me by Kappa Pyua.
2100 points, ended September 22, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
-
excellent imagery!
Your words create some very strong images for the reader. I don't blame the dragonfly for fearing the river, and what may lay in wait.
Jeannette
-
excellent imagery!
Your words create some very strong images for the reader. I don't blame the dragonfly for fearing the river, and what may lay in wait.
Jeannette
-
This is a haiku and well done, better than some I have read. but, with the level at which you wrote I think it could have been better. First part was pefect, but instead of telling us how the dragonfly feels, I think it would have been better to just put "demon" at the end. And most would assume the fear. thx for entering.
-
-
Not from my point of view, because I decided to present a 5-7-5 structure, and to do it in grammatical English. That in itself is a challenge these days, and I usually write in 4-5-4.
The word "demon" on its own would have conveyed little, if anything. The phrase "afraid of demons" was chosen for its ambiguity. It comes after the cutting point, and it begs the question of whether it is a personification, harking back to the dragonfly (which would add a touch of irony, being an anthropomorphism), or the poet herself who is afraid of the water-sprite. That depends on ones take on the grammatical flow.
Now, if you think I am over-analysing my own work I'm sorry. I'm just pointing out what you might have missed in your reading of it.
-
-
Beautiful, thank you
a warted bullfrog
meditates at the rivers edge
awaiting dinner
just popped into my feeble brain
-
-
It appears (from the dragonfly's point of view) that one always does the right amount of worrying, but for the wrong reasons.
-
-
you are certainly making haiku hard to resist...
Love, Lane
-
-
It is a wonderful disicpline.
-
-
Funny. Good write although.
-
-
Thank you.
-
-
Perfect! The image is vivid and crisp!
Love,
Amera♥
-
-
Just what I was aiming for.
-
-
Aha!
That's what I'm talking about! Great Haiku. Love the vision & the thought you leave the reader with! I only wonder why you didn't use the 'Dragonfly' Background with this lovely write. ? It would've been so appropriate! All the best in this contest.
-
-
Thank you.
I didn't use any background for the simple reason that a good haiku has to stand on its own, without any other sensory stimulus. It's a discipline I have now set for myself.
-
-
oh mannnn. Such a 3-D haiku, with such a foreboding taste.
I love it
.
meg
`
-
-
Thank you, Meg.
-
-
De nada, de nada.
-
-
Y'know... it didn't even merit an HM!
-
-
-
-
Ah, a more conventional haiku (or the style I'm more used to) and a perfect example of the form. Very well done.
Good one,
Bill
-
-
I tend only to write 5-7-5 and 4-5-4 verses, because I find them elegant... and only if I have something to say.
-
-
-
-
-
oh...
no words...thank you
-
-
No, thank YOU.
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 24 of 24
