Double wide trailer on hard red clay
More frozen pipes this winter than normal
Tumbleweeds collecting eternally in
Wind fed niches -- Ground so dry,
Even the snow won't cling to it.
This one summer I rotatilled the front yard
Rolled out fresh sod & Put in some rainbirds
We built you a front deck, garage & Pine fence
Took 40 full wheelbarrow hauls of
Boulders an' such to the dead end
You said to me,
"You get dark like your mother in this sun"
Pulling on a menthol, you'd walk away and
As an after thought say something else like,
"But God, you're as bow legged as a choir boy
So was your father, my Billy..."
Then you'd laugh, and cook a crock of chili
We'd watch horror movies & Sleep sitting up
The next time I saw you, you were small,
Sick enough to carry without getting winded
When you died I was afraid to go back
And I still haven't
It has nothing
to do with you.
Author notes
For my grandmother Sharon Provenza
Death is only the beginning.
Written January 17th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Cancer by meganc.
663 points, ended November 19, 2005, 15 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 36 of 36
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I can see why this won gold, it is a very touching write. Thank god for memories of the special people who have passed through our lives. I can feel from your words this was a very special person to you. So far I haven't read anything that I haven't enjoyed. You're three for three so far. Take care and Have fun. Steve
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wow this is good. sorry about your grandmother though. great job and good luck!!
BC 
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It looks to me like I've already commented on it. I'm not really sure what to think of it at the moment. I'll save my judgement for a later date.
4EVER BEIN ME,
WESLEANN -
This made me and my mind travel..
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'
This one summer I rotatilled the front yard
Rolled out fresh sod & Put in some rainbirds
We built you a front deck, garage & Pine fence
Took 40 full wheelbarrow hauls of
Boulders an' such to the dead end'
& I'm quite sure she was pleased as punch & so proud of you for thinking to do such a lovely thing for her, horus8...this is a beautiful vignette, an ode to family, a memorial to Love...well done, Sir...
Wanda
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once again, you managed to transport me INTO the poem itself
the "silence" or lack of response of the person here makes me imagine her simply using her facial expression to reply to the old lady 
i tend to do that, especially when i talk with my dad. just earlier, it happened! so, yeah, this poem touched such a gentle subject in my heart... this is remarkable in more ways than one thank you for this
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It is never about the one that has gone...it's all about us, the ones still here. You carried me to that trailer park and I could smell the chilli. Great job
~~~POO~~~ -
I think you are right, death is only the beginning.
I liked the setting, the tone, the ... everything about this poem. It made me feel like I was a part of the brief moment you depicted. The ending tore at my heart.
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You always seem to amaze me with your your writes. You showed alot of good images and I loved the way you used your words. Very talented...Good luck, not that you really need it!
~Stacey~
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Lovely...this is very refreshing, thank you. The last lines, in particular, got to me.
Did you mean to spell "chili" wrong? Just wondering.
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petter piper picked a peck of peppers
These lines seemed a bit rough to me.
"Even the snow won't cling to it." I think would have flowed better if it had stopped at cling.
"Took 40 full wheelbarrow hauls of
Boulders an' such to the dead end"
"Pulling on a menthol, you'd walk away and
As an after thought say something else like,"
With those two it sounds off when you read the last words of the 1st lines.
This here is my favorite line from the whole poem, it rocks my ugly socks off!! It's a tongue twister!!
"Then you'd laugh, and cook a crock of chile"
This poem is like a letter, but seems to be spoken. Like talking to him while he's looking for from Heaven. I like how it draws a picture in my mind. Good work.
4EVER BEIN ME,
WESLEANN -
I loved the one-sided conversation--i can almost see you smiling a small smile to yourself whenever the old lady says the remarks. I love the wisdom that comes with old age, and I love my grandparents whenever they remark about similarities in the family. I loved the images here so much. The details were chosen so lovingly.
Keep writing
Kannika -
like some others above I too got a visualization, but that's as far as I went, though the menthol I drooled over for a second since I haven't had one in over a year and wish that I could have one again but I can't (mumbles under breath.)
it's a good piece, don't change it, change it, whatever your perogative is.
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Great Job!
this was great. very sad and lovely. thanks and good luck! -
I could visulize everything you said...its great when a person can read a poem and see it in their mind...Great Job! Thanks for entering!
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Ok... this one really got to me for two reasons... first is the thing with the doublewide... guess what I grew up in and then theres the thing with my grandmother... it really hit me... a great peice of work... I look forward to reading more of your stuff
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Whoa, very good. I liked reading this. Every entry I get is so good. I cant judge easily today.
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*Contest closed for judging* one of the goodies, a bit "meh" not avery good critique but meh, you wrote "sod" which made me laugh and i shouldn't have at such a somber poem, good luck, Dan
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You know, you have so many readers, that by the time a person gets to comment, all that can be said is allready been said, so: Ditto.
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I can't say that I've had the same experience; I can't imagine any of my grandparents being so gruff. But the ending...the little empty space: that I understand, anyone can understand, whether they've been there or not. I love the unspoken things that you imply so beautifully in that ending. I love subtlety.
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this is terribly sad... i cnat even see the screen or the keys i am surpirised i am even able to type! i am so sorry for ur loss! things like this do hurt... and i was right it is reaking with emotion! good luck in my contest! ~Celia~
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This is very good. You made me remenber the good times I had with my grandmother, before she past away. Memories are all we have to keep living .Saddie23
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That last line clinches the deal, and brilliantly ends this poem. Nothing to do with you.... it is MY memory that i do not want to tarnish. my fears of living like that... my determination to grow away... my grandmother gone...
this is another gem. -
that was eloquent. i have read so many amazing poems today. this is one of the best. i love this. it was like whoa.
God bless,
/Meg -
this is one of the best in this contest. i'm judging it right now and i'm just going through and writing down the ones that have potential of winning. definatly writing this one down.
<333 -
Huh, yeah, you're right, thanks, I fixed that. Sometimes, even I forget to spell check.
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This is a vivid glimpse of a harsh yet proud family life. It's good but flawed because you didn't correct the spelling errors. For example you seemed to have missed a lot of "els" when the word has a double letter. "eternaly, chile etc." and this detracts from the impact a little.
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good poem
Good poem I enjoyed reading it. Thanks for sharing and keep up the good work.
God is blessing you
With Christian Love,
Dawn -
wot an amazing poem! the solemnity was beautiful and the expressions exquisite. u deserved the first place. this poem definately earned it
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nice piece
the ending is so harsh but the poem its self was soft and rounded... it does show flaws but like choder said it shows your flaws as well its a nice poem though... -
When you died I was afraid to go back.
And I still haven't.
It has nothing
to do with you.
--for some reason, this makes me really sad. i felt, for a brief moment, a heartwrenching sadness, and of empty bitterness...
and i feel wretched because of it.
Nyx... -
i like this. the last two lines make it bitter and great. its full of emotion.
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Ya know, I really like this tender and accepting poem, a small but significant wonderful glimpse of family and life. A sad and beautiful write. Flawed? Of course it's flawed, it's the way life's meant to be, but the little bit of life you've written here couldn't be any other way now, could it.
Good luck in the contest...my vote's for you
Dee -
Yes memories are a wonderful thing indeed no matter what they might be.this was interesting to read and thanks for sharing.
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Das Goot
What is more flawed than the human condition? And those we love in spite of their flaws?
Nice poignant look at your grandmother who appears most vulnerable, yet tough in this touching vignette of loving tribute.
But, by god, you best start spell-checking and proof-reading or else I'll tell Arnie that you're backsliding into a crevasse of inanity and ignorance. Experimental spellings or colloquialisms are allowed in context. If in doubt, check with Mr. Webster. (God...I've always wanted to say this -- but so few listen in this age of indifference).
Conclusion: Poignant, loving, sentimental - a Kodachrome image of family. -
hmm i like it for the fact it's completley you again and yet in ways you showed flaws, but in such a suttle way..and i liked it...good luck choder.
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