They delivered me out of profound darkness,
With the kissing promise of saving light.
The key, they said, was in their mighty hands
Looking up with poignant eyes, I followed.
Put a smile on your face, she said. So I did.
And the burning anguish melted into my soul.
Don’t you dare cry, he said. So I didn’t.
And my tears forever dried up into toxic ashes.
Be good or Dad won’t come home, she said. So I was.
And my heart raced to hear that door open every night.
You don’t know what love it, he said. So I doubted.
And the little I held onto floated away into the clouds.
Go to church and pray and you’ll be fine, she said. So I did.
And resentment built as my God betrayed me time and again.
If you’re unhappy here we’ll send you away, he said. So I lied.
And old recollections of isolation and neglect filled my heart.
No one likes to be around a sad person, she said. So I joked.
And the fool, cloaked in silliness, kept the monsters at bay
Be grateful for what you have, he said. So I tried.
And all the things in the world could not simply hug me.
There are people worse off than you, she said. So I imagined.
And guilt burned like acid through the core of my being.
Straighten up and fly right, he said. So I worked harder.
And hiding behind the scholar was a desperate little girl.
You have nothing to feel bad about, she said. So I stopped feeling.
And the little ones reached out to take my pain for safe keeping.
Anger is not acceptable in this house, he said. So I laughed.
And I beat myself up to secretly unleash the emerging rage.
You don’t know how good you have it, she said. So I wondered.
And I watched others pass by and wished to share their pain.
I’ll give you something to cry about, he said. So I grit my teeth.
And I so wished he could hear my cries and know what I knew.
I’ve never been so embarrassed in my life, she said. So I cringed.
And I dreamed I was dying a slow torturous death at the hands of loved ones.
Don’t dare talk about family matters to strangers, he said. So I shut up.
And I became numb to myself and the world around me after all.
There’s nothing more that can be done for you, they said. So I believed them.
Author notes
P A L O S Z O O
http://allpoetry.com/poem/5686265
2 Physical Emotional/Verbal. Mothers, Fathers, Relatives.
In a list
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A contest entry
- Abuse?.... by live-laugh-love.
540 points, ended November 10, 2008, 38 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - desperatly depressing by frozenblackpetals.
550 points, ended February 4, 49 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Tell me about your family. by Zannah.
700 points, ended February 7, 23 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites, Im crazy. by Menna.
1100 points, ended August 30, 264 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Honorable Mentions and Bronze Award Poems Contest! ^^ by MJ Forgives.
900 points, ended September 11, 83 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Silver dollars and empty lungs (prewrites) by Writing0Freedom.
600 points, ends December 1, 237 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - prewrites contest!!!!!!!!!!!! enter!!!!! by foreveryourslove.
1120 points, ended November 9, 1071 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - Prewrites :) Yes, as many as you like, but hell this wont be simple. by xxRainbowDawnxx.
700 points, ended November 3, 1093 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Wow, this is very powerful. I loved the repetition of "So I ___," it added a lot to the poem. Great job :]
Thanks for entering, & good luck in the contest!
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Wow your poem cast a spell on me. I couldn't put my eyes off the computer until it sadly was over. I can relate to that poem in a way. Also congratulation on your trophies too
. I hope you do wonderful in my contest and thanks for entering 
. Peace and Love!
-Jess
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And you know what, I don't usually applause contest entries, but this deserves it!!
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"Put a smile on your face, she said. So I did." -- I've paused at this line. I think the most amazing thing about it is it's so simple, to some at least. But in that, it's so much more, and it just speaks levels. I understand it, can envision it.
And so it seems, it just gets better from here!
"There are people worse off than you, she said. So I imagined.
And guilt burned like acid through the core of my being. " -- You have no idea how hard that hits home. It took me much too long to realise this: Yes, there are people worse off, but that doesn't mean I'm any less important in the scheme of things.
"Don’t dare talk about family matters to strangers, he said. So I shut up." -- My father was like this, but no family matters were to be talked about even within the family.
"There’s nothing more that can be done for you, they said. So I believed them." My father also took that stance. At first I believed him... but thankfully, others (not family members) were able to be there for me in ways I could never imagine and they helped me believe I am in fact fixable.
Long comment, I know.
But, finally, despite the fantastic structure, vocabulary and poetic techniques, you actually present something that is so truthful and descriptive, whereas usually this topic is passed off as "not as bad as" other things. It's a brilliant piece, and although it is a prewrite, I feel it has a good chance in the finalists list.
Thanks for the entry! -
this reminded me alot
of how i used to be
i kept changing for thoughs around me
then a friend helped me realize
it was ok to be sad,
it was ok to be angry
it was ok to feel...
growing up in my family was hard on me
exspecailly because i had/have depression and my mom said i shouldn't be sad, there was no reason to be
and i knew that but i was still sad
anyway i really liked this i could relate to it
great job! -
wow. ive read this one before and I remembered it almost instantly. thats how powerful it is!! thank you so much for entering....... this is so sad...
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This is a very heart rending story. I am glad to read in your comments that you have come to terms with your past. You seem to have alot of inner strength.
Great job.
Mike
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wow... such a tuching story... yet i can see my self in toughs shoes...
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Wow. Don't believe them. You are strong. You know yourself better then anyone else ever could. I am sorry that you had to deal with all of that. I wish you the best of luck. As a child we tend to do what others expect of us and it's just not fair. Thank you for sharing your story with me. Best of luck to you now and in the future. And remember only live up to your own expectations. You are what matters.
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Thanks so much for your encouragement and support. I'm all grown up now and have come to terms with my past ;-) I'm a mom now and instill great values in my son. I show him only positives and promote self-worth, even when he's being naughty ;-) I've learned from my parents' mistakes and vowed not to repeat their patterns, which I'm sure they learned from their parents. Sad, but true. You wanted past, so I gave it to you. I'm glad you appreciated my writing. Thank you so much :-D
BTW, what's even sadder is the fact that they adopted me when I was 2 years old......go figure.
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There are people worse off than you, she said. So I imagined.
And guilt burned like acid through the core of my being.
Straighten up and fly right, he said. So I worked harder.
And hiding behind the scholar was a desperate little girl.
that was my favourite stanza.
I really loved the imagery in this piece
& the flow.
very nice write,
thank you so much for entering. (: -
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Thank you so much!
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