the twinkle above
a glorious gleam
to find the end
of the rainbow beam
my goal is set
my heart beat, quick
as longing grows
feel twitter and tick
rain is gone
sun shines through
illuminating paths
to mosaic hue
my soul leaps!
my eyelids stutter
at the end
I find nothing better
simply this:
a rainbow stair
leading me forever
up & up into the air
Author notes
Rainbows are clearly the stairways to heaven. 
At least, this is what I wish.
A contest entry
- At The End Of The Rainbow (Rhyme Only) by passim.
1500 points, ended September 15, 2008, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Give me a critical thought.
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Wow. I loved the rhyming here, clever choice of words and another strong write by you!
Rainbows are indeed the stairways to heaven!
Cheers!
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this is wonderful. you had a great take on the prompt.. Personally, I would have wished for gold but heaven is just as good (or better I may think). Clever word play and very fluidic - I loved the rhyme. some of the words you chose were a little confusing "twitter and tick" for example, but I read the comments just below and then i understood. Great job and keep up the fantastic work. Good to see you here again.
p.s. You should read my new poem. I think you'd like it.
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This rainbow certainly leads to heaven. Thank you
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Oh. This is a cute little poem that you have going on in here. It is a very simple and basic rhyme so it sounded to me like something you would read to a child at bedtime to make their imagination soar for their dreams that night! lol I thought you did a good job of expressing yourself here.
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cute. it kinda reminded me of a rhyme.
not a lot of impact or depth.
you can also work on painting a more clear picture
but nevertheless solid write -
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hmm, good advice. I would hope to evoke a bit of impact. Have you ever wondered what was at the end of the rainbow? heh, and the picture.. never clear... at least not yet. I'm in a strange e e cummings mood. I wonder if it's coming through or if I should just sod off. thanks for the comment. Cheers.
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I like the elements of abstraction in this and some of the imagery is particularly effective. One thing puzzles me though; what is meant by 'as longing grows feel twitter and tick'? Overall an original and well written piece, thanks for sharing and good luck in your contest.
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I guess that's two questions.. oops
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Thank you for stopping by and the lovely comment. To answer your question, I will ask another question. Have you ever felt twitterpated? Something so wonderful it makes the tick-tock of your heartbeat accelerate? Mine did, when I found the end of the rainbow.
Thank you again for the critique. I love hearing feedback.
Cheers.
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