Moths fly with gossamer wings
like silk in darkened skies;
illumination peeks its way into
their hearts- a lamp to lure
them from their hardships.
Captured like fish dangling from
a fisher's trickery, their souls
are given to the light- sacrificed
with love and devotion; and escape
tastes beautiful on their delicate
tongues...
Oh! the difficulties of a moth;
unable to fly in a gentle breeze
without the occasional swatting-
comely creatures yet their arrival
traces high octaves in the singeing air.
A welcoming glow for a change; seducing
them, drawing their life to closure-
perhaps behind the limelight lies something
easier
... Have they forgotten the elegance of nature?
Author notes
Theme: Contemplation of suicide from the perspective of a moth. A bit morbid, maybe, but I thought it'd be something abnormal 
POM Contest
In a list
A contest entry
- Poem of the Month - POM by Arkbear.
1250 points, ended September 2, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Leave me thoughts:
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Nice and simple!!
I really liked this!! Without the bland title, I think this was worthy of a POM trophy, IMHO!
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This is a lovely piece with wonderful imagery and flow. A very unusual topic delivered with excellent phrasing and emotion. On the negative side for me was the title which did nothing to add to your piece or encourage anyone to click on it and a couple of your word choices, I have a personal dislike of the word gossamer as it is one of those over-used words in so much of today's poetry. The other was as Trista mentioned the use of singeing, I too thought it out of place and felt that it might have meant to be singing, but again I was not sure either.
My scores will reflect my other thoughts on your piece:
Title 9.0...I would not click on this Title...didn't entice nor intrigue me.
Flow 9.85....flow was great very smooth.
Depth 9.85....great depth.
Theme 9.75..unusual Theme....very unique approach.
Feelings 9.75...subtle.., but they were there in the layers of the write.
Grammar 9.6....nice job... just a few choices that seemed out of place.
Presentation 9.75....very nice presentation and I liked the font.
Uncommonness 9.75...nice....creative.
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.8...I did ponder, delving inside each image.
Ability to follow Rules 10...prefect from what I can tell -
Cupcrazy’s Score: 97.1
Great work!
No editing once a Judge has touched your work ~
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Hi there
Your poem has a lovely flow and tone, and some really beautiful imagery. I enjoyed seeing moths from your perspective, as it's a subject or creature I wouldn't otherwise think much about.
As creative as so many of your lines are, I was a bit surprised by the simple title you gave this. Remember...the title is the first thing a reader is going to see, so you want to give it the same thought and consideration as the rest of the poem. Aim for something to draw a reader in or make them curious.
Your grammatical choices are all good IMO, but I question the word "singeing"...I thought you may have meant "singing"...which would have made more sense to me...but I'm not completely sure?
I don't think there's anything else I can offer in way of a critique, so I'll let my scores speak the rest.
(My scores and the other areas I looked at will be in the final notes.) Thanks so much for your entry and good luck. It's so nice to see younger talents in these contests, and I hope you'll consider joining us in future PO contests.
Best wishes,
~J.
Remember...no editing once a judge has commented, until after trophies are handed out.
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Hello and welcome to POM
This is the first I have seen this from
the point of view from a moth but this
is just a great piece the only complaint
that I have is the title I would not click on
this title I wish it had a stronger one
for such an amazing piece.This will score high
with me.My score will appear with my end notes
best wishes and much luck. -
Hello
Gosh....I hope everyone knows, no matter how much I enjoy a Poets talent, I will not give brownie points because of our relationship of Poet-to-Poet appreciation ~
So.......with that said.....I am standing in ovation here ~
You know.....the thing I enjoy most about your Poetic ability, is your opportunity to seize every moment of your work and bring out the best in every single word....and line you paint ~
You place thought and ponder into each sentance, and after a couple of those, you have an extrodinary stanza......and then one after the other makes for an incredible read ~
Yes, I do see only a few minor adjustments I would make, however.....it would only be a comma here....a word choice there ~
Nothing here to critique.....as this is what I shall be looking for in every contest I Host.....Creativity in beautiful Poetic Tone.....and penned wisely
Good luck and God bless you,
Bear ~
Title 9.0...I would not want to click on this, unless I wanted to read about this Genre -
Flow 9.7..nice....punc's could be used to slow the Reader ( Me ) down to absorb all of this beauty -
Depth 9.9...great depth....nice focus -
Theme 9.95....beautiful personification -
Feelings 9.9...outstanding personification -
Grammar 9.85....nice job...wisely chosen -
Presentation 9.8...lines flow over into prose' Tone.......a weeeeee bit -
Uncommonness 9.85....not as creative as I like to see, but sure is close -
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.8...I did ponder....a lot -
Ability to follow Rules 10...prefect from what I can tell -
Bears Score: 97.75
Excellent
No editing once a Judge has touched your work ~
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Well I think this is the first for this theme Veery creative! A superb write with excellent imagery and emotions throughout. Good luck
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