Smouldering, ember's glow
strain into existence,
gulping in the elements
no offer of resistance.
Fuel filled skies concealed
confined in dark restraints,
kindle squirms in fear
crackles scorched complaints.
Enraged heat intensifies
with dreams of conflagration,
boiled blankets offer comfort
devastation in creation.
Flames extend, culminate
enticed, golden glows dance,
low whispers softly sizzle
as growth becomes enhanced.
Volcanic blazing inferno
reached highest peaks,
combustible structures
crumble, fall and shriek.
Welcome cool night breeze
unfamiliar air feels moist,
suddenly torrents pour down
as instructions are voiced.
Memories of conquest
extinguished in rain,
know out of the ashes
I will rise again.
Author notes
POM
Theme: Fire, from the fire's view...
Pyrolatry - worship of fire.
A contest entry
- Poem of the Month - POM by Arkbear.
1250 points, ended September 2, 2008, 23 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
-
I have worked about fifteen hours a day so my brain is fried. But I like this poem because of the rhythm and flow. I think it is difficult to write a good poem in the format you chose but I think this is one of the better poems of this type I have seen in quite a while.
Congrats on the bronze
-
Congrads on the bronze my friend, your poem kind of took me back to a time before i was even born, keep it flowing
-
Great job! Congrats on the Bronze!
-
Congratulations on winning the Bronze! Great personification of fire!
-
Great wording! And great scores!
best wishes in this contest.
-
Hi there,
a very nice piece here, full of wonderful imagery and some excellent phrasing. I did not think the topic unique, but I did think your write very creative. Not much to critique and I believe my other judges have mentioned the couple of grammar errors, so my scores will reflect my thoughts on the individual areas:
Title 9.0...I would not click on this Title...didn't entice me any.
Flow 9.80....flow is great....nice and smooth -
Depth 9.75....good depth for such a short write....wanted more..25 line Max is not used -
Theme 9.75..good Theme....read similiar, but your approach is unique -
Feelings 9.75...nice personification.
Grammar 9.8....nice job..just a couple of errors.
Presentation 9.85....very nice
Uncommonness 9.65...nice....but still looking for more a little more creativity .
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.8...I did ponder.
Ability to follow Rules 10...prefect from what I can tell -
Cupcrazy’s Score: 97.15
Nice!
No editing once a Judge has touched your work ~
-
Hi Pink,
It's good to see you in another PO contest, and I too appreciate the time you've taken to read and comment on the other entries, not to mention the reminders about rules. Great sportsmanship.
As to your poem...
Your build-up of tension is wonderful, even more so each time I read this. As Bear said ~ just a lot of fantastic lines here to ponder over. This reminds me of the forest fires parts of the US are plagued with, and how they just keep coming back, year after year. 
Not much here to critique, so just a couple of small corrections/suggestions...
In L2, I did think "strain" should be "strains", since glow is singular.
"fuel-filled", as has already been mentioned.
And...gee, I do believe that's it! I don't think this struck me as unique as Bear found it, but your approach to the subject was beautiful and creative, giving me a good lasting impression. Great job with the personification as well. All in all, another strong entry, and I enjoyed it immensely.
As usual, my scores and the other areas I looked at will be in the final notes. Thanks so much for joining us again, and good luck in the contest.
Best wishes,
~J.
Remember...no editing once a judge has commented, until after trophies are handed out.
-
-
Thanks for the great comment Hope your well hunni
-
-
Hi there and welcome to the Pom
First offlet me say that I did
enjoy this piece it is a theme that
I have not seen before and you did
a greatjob with it the flow the wording
is just great. Nice job with this piece
My score will appear with my end notes
best wishes and much luck. -
Hello my Friend
First off....thank you for taking the time to read all of these entries....that means a lot to me, and to those whom have had your presence grace their page ~
Ok.....first impression....Wonderful write
*fuel-filled*
Gosh......there were soooo many incredible lines, I am not sure where to begin
Well.....your personification is intensely deep......pulling me into your thoughts and not letting go ~
Imagery....spectacular.....Flow....hmmm...yes, this qwould be an area of concern for me if I published this write ~
Editing to add.....not, to take away ~
This Theme is so Powerful and full of such Impact, I feel, you need to sloooooow the reader ( Me ) down, so we might have a chance to enjoy the Tone of your chosen Theme ~
Oh heck Pink.....there is really nothing here to critique....only praise for showing off your talents.....I so love it when you let your creativity flow
Good luck and God bless you!
Bear ~
Title 9.0...I would not want to click on this, unless I wanted to read about this Genre -
Flow 9.7..nice....punc's used at just the right places...yet I could still find a few places I would add a few more.....for affect -
Depth 9.95....increidble -
Theme 10...perfect -
Feelings 10....personification is superb -
Grammar 9.95....nice job...wisely chosen -
Presentation 9.85....I detest all quatrains....however, you managed to make each one strong and influential to your Tone -
Uncommonness 10.....perfect -
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.8...I did ponder...beautifulTheme, yet gorgeous in imagery and vison -
Ability to follow Rules 10...prefect from what I can tell -
Bears Score: 98.25
Excellent!
No editing once a Judge has touched your work ~
-
-
Hey bear Thanks so much for the great score Pleased you enjoyed it. I've always been bad at grammar but I think its improving
Thanks again,
Take care!
-
-
the title is lovely honey. I think you did an amazing job. better then me I think but this is so awesome you did so well you definitely should place!
love you twinny!
all my love
kitty xxx -
Love that title.
Your poem is 72 shades of awesome.
-
this is a very interesting read, nicely done. i like how the stanzas take on different variations & even tho it is extinguished by rain, it shall rise again...hmmm a metaphor for the south?
-
I really like this write. ^_^ It's very different, very cool.
"Flames extend, culminate
enticed, golden glows dance,
low whispers softly sizzle
as growth becomes enhanced."
I feel as if I am the fire in this stanza. Beautiful.
"Memories of conquest
extinguished in rain,
know out of the ashes
I will rise again."
I like the feeling at the end; like this isn't the last of the fire. :] Kind of eerie Great write. Good luck in the contest!
-Lily♥
-
If I remember correctly?
Thought you never wrote like this. I used to feel embarrassed when I attempted to write on the subject.
At least it is better than the cold actions in a vampire. or the ruthless Lycan.
Truly you have a deep mind with experience that folds up each move in a veil.
A new insight to the true nature of life that is beautiful.
-
Raw truth seems to be etched here in such volcanic words!
A fantastic write hun
Welcome cool night breeze
unfamiliar air feels moist,
suddenly torrents pour down
as instructions are voiced.
What a stanza wow wow and wow
Best wishes in the contest
Julie
-
Stunning!!
Ohhh.. I didn't know there was such a thing as worship of fire!! But that's a cool-as word
This is absolutely fab hunny!!!!
I love how this starts with the smouldering, the slow build of fire (the kindling <- cool) and then onto a rull eruption of fire's force... until it is distinguished, but almost vows to return!!
It's such a fierce force to reckon with!! And your write is a stunning show of it's power!!
Sensational.. good luck in the POM
-
fire rise again, beautiful thoughts penned here, enjoyed reading the poem
-
"That's hot"
LMAO.
In your AN...fires view==>fire's view
I gotta say, I think this flows better than the last entry you submitted for this kind of contest...you use less capitalizations, & I think that's AWESOME.
"Smouldering, embers glow"
embers glow==>ember's glow, possessive form
I would assume it's possessive form because it makes sense that way, considering the next line.
"strain into existence,
gulping in the elements
no offer of resistance."
'existence' 'resistance'
I like that rhyme.
"Fuel filled"
You could use a hyphen there.
"confined in dark restraints,
kindle squirms in fear
crackles scorched complaints."
Awesome personification Reina. 'squirms'<--that's a lot of wriggling flames...ahahahaha.
"Raging heat intensifies"
'raging' <--I think this gerund could be replaced w. something w/o the -ing sound...e.g.
"enraged heat intensifies"
"with dreams of conflagration,
boiled blankets offer comfort
devastation in creation."
"boiled blankets"<--wicked phrase here.
"devastation in creation." OH MY GOD, that makes me think of a pretentious asshole who thinks they know everything about poetry, when they can only write tripe.
e.g. giving constructive criticism when you don't know how to give it properly
Or actually, that could refer to mankind in general.
"Volcanic blazing inferno"
'blazing'==>could be 'blazed', to get rid of the -ing sound...eh, that's just a personal pet peeve of mind.
It doesn't really matter, but I think 'blazed' sounds snappier.
"combustible structures
crumble, fall and shriek."
SADISTIC!!!!!! You should place...
Ahahahaha!
Jessica
Tell me if you win.
-
Wow!!! Love this...
Cool (well hot) concept to run with...
Great rhyme scheme (as always)...
Narrative, superb & totally captivating...
Last verse/stanza made me think of the legend of the Pheonix...
Another read that had me enthralled throught...
Well done!!!
-
what an amazing write..perfect flow and rhyme and a totally blazing subject..absolute winner for POM in my opinion...thanx so much for sharing..blessings..namaste..
-
Nice poem. This is very well written. I enjoyed it. I like the play on words. The theme feels perfect, I have been in a firey sort of mood lately. The images are really nice, and well constructed.
-
wonderful the images are awesome and the power of the flames
Fuel filled skies concealed
confined in dark restraints,
kindle squirms in fear
crackles scorched complaints.
overcoming its victims brillient!
such personality you gave the flame and especially its promise at the end to return WTG good luck in the contest
-
a brilliant poem full of powerful imagery and raw emotions I enjoyed stanzas one,three four five through to seven good luck in the contest
-
Wow, this poem flows a tiny bit choppy, as I would see a fire bouncing, but hypnotic. The poem builds and extinguishes quite well ... this is something I am working on in my poems. Reminds me of a story's inclination, but in poetic form.
Such a basic theme, but to take an ancient old element and bring it to life through the eyes is intriguing and very creative IMO. The title draws me in as well ... however, I like fire anyway.
This would score high for me .. best of luck!
Steve
-
-
Thanks Whenever I write for the PO's my muse scarpers..lol.
-
-
good
I liked your choice of words and the building and subsiding of the poem. favorite verse was the first.
-
Very hot poem...
I like this very much...I always wanted to hear from the fires point of view...you hit the mark.
Excellent work.
wolf
Adding your comment:
1 - 29 of 29
